My husband ignores me all day long: We're NEWLYWEDS what do I do??

Question

His perfect life is me leaving him alone for a week straight while he plays world of warcraft & online poker. Of course he would still expect me to have intercourse with him, which, yes makes me very upset that he would still expect that. He hasn't taken me out to dinner since December '06, and we've been married since october '06. It's almost MAY. We are newlyweds and I know that it's not supposed to be like this. He's logged an average of 5 hrs per day every day for the last two years,, on world of warcraft alone. I had no idea his internet use was this excessive before we married. Believe me...I am more than frustrated. I've begun witholding sex completely and I've left once. He begged me to come back under all these conditions I did. Within two days of me being back the treatment is the same. That along with sleep deprivation & name calling. We are in couseling & I am literally booking airfare to a foreign country. I have NO IDEA what to do & I am totally fed up..HELP

Answer 1

Wow, sounds like his computer needs to have a mysterious "accident". It' pretty bad if you are withholding sex and he doesn't care. You could always cancel the internet service.

Answer 2

I think divorce is a little harsh. You have not been married that long, and do deserve to give it your best shot. The is not to say that he is not completely at fault.

I spend time on the PC alot in the evenings too, but I will also make sure that my wife i happy with it. Before anyone says anything, it is not because I am under the thumb, it is because I love my wife and do like to spend time with her.

The fact is, you have brought it to his attention, and nothing has changed.

I suggest, get a life of your own. Start going out with friends. If he disagrees, ask him what the two of you are going to do together. If he has nothing in mind that he wants to do, then I feel he is trying to live the life of a single guy, whilst still having someone to sleep with at the end of the day.

It may be that if he is not bothered about you having a life and going out with friends, that it will soon change when you are not there. You really need to put the fear into him that he is not the only person on the planet (pretty much how he is treating you).

I do understand that there is only so much you can do, and over so much time, but give it a go. Remember, you married each other because even though you have problems now, you do love each other.

Hope that helps.

Answer 3

You need to talk to him about how you're feeling. It is unfair of him to ignore your needs. Make sure that he knows exactly how often you want sex and if he's not willing to satisfy you, then he's not worthy of being your husband! Both partners should always make a strong effort to satisfy the other, both in and out of bed. Sometimes a guy will refuse to even admit that there's a problem in the relationship (it might not be that you have an awful sex life, but the fact that YOU are not completely fulfilled IS a problem!). By doing this he is telling you that your feelings do not matter. A respectful husband would realize that if you are in any way unhappy, there IS something wrong. Make sure your feelings are known, and be prepared to leave if your needs are not being met. I have actually gone through this same thing. I am only 19 and 3-6 months into marriage my husband completely lost interest in sex. When he refused to admit that he wasn't meeting my needs I packed my bags and as soon as I got to the door, he changed his mind and we now have great sex almost everyday for the past 18 months. Not saying this will work for you, but you need to let him know that if he refuses to satisfy your needs, it is grounds for divorce and you aren't afraid to leave.

Answer 4

Running away to a foreign country is not going to solve anything because relationships are not geographical, they are spiritual. Your huband has an addictive dependent personality. It doesn't matter if it is the games or drugs or alcohol. It may be that he wooed you and then when you said yes and agreed to marry him that he just viewed it as having "won another game". I am sorry but there sound to be no possible future for you together unless he admits an addiction (which is now acknowledged as a problem by clinical psychiatrists) and deals with it. Sometimes we find out people are not what they appear to be and it hurts. Was he an only child? Did his Mom spoil him? He appears from what you say to be a selfish clot. But don't run away from it. Deal with it and the sooner you do, one way or another, then if it fails to be repaired you can take a month off in the States or Oz or wherever. Good luck.

Answer 5

My husband plays that game as well, however, he only plays it when we've agreed on it because he could go on playing excessively. He just got done telling me that he would not lose his wife over the game, it's not that important. I watched a documentary on gaming addiction, apparently it's the real deal, so he might actually be addicted to it, meaning he has a hard time controlling this game playing, I think this point should be brought up and maybe he should seek help for this particular problem, not marriage counseling, if he doesn't want to lose you. I know a lot about addiction, and if he is, to some extent he doesn't care if he is hurting you but at the same time his clear conscience is saying he absolutely does not want to hurt you or lose you. This could be a serious problem, and not a marriage issue, I guarentee the problem isn't you or how he feels about you, he simply can't stop playing the game.

Answer 6

I'm wondering... Was he like this before you got married? If so, then no surprize huh? Or... Short relationship before marriage, in which case maybe he went out of his way to impress you in the beginning, then 6 months later his true colors surfaced. In any case, you are definately worth more than the lack of attention he is giving you. Logging on that many times a day, sounds like you married a kid, not a man. Don't second guess yourself. Listen to your mind, and don't be blinded by your heart. You know what they say. You never know what you had to you lose it. Leave! When he calls begging you back, then lay down your rules ;)

Answer 7

If you knew he was addicted to this game before you married him, why did you marry him?

Your own question told me you knew about it BEFORE you married him.

I don't think you need to book airfare to another country, but you might need to save that money to hire a lawyer.

Any who would rather play games on a computer instead of be with his wife is a real moron.

My wife and I didn't own a TV during the first few years of our marriage.

Is he a Christian?

Does he claim to be?

If he is not responding to counseling it could be the counselor you are seeing does not know what he or she is going.

I can refer you to some web sites to help you find good Bible based Christian counselors, who counsel according to the Bible and not shrinkology books.

Sleep deprivation is grounds in most states to ask a judge for a court order to remove him from the home. If that does not wake him up, nothing will.

You definately need to be clear that he needs to decide between you and the computer.

Pastor Art

Answer 8

he is a very selfish man, and he needs to know that.

I honestly don't know what to say to help, because I know a lot of people in this situation and there is just no good answer. I would love to say that he's no good and end it, but I know that you love him and he was good enough to marry, so he must be worth something.

I hope things will get better, but maybe you should leave and take some time off. Don't come back when he begs. Make him suffer, give him time to REALLY think.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 9

He is very selfish, and he needs to get a life.

He obviously has an addiction to online gaming, which seems very childish for a man who is married. Your husband needs help from a counselor. How did you not know about this before your marriage?

If he completely refuses to comply, then there is really only 1 solution - Divorce. Leave that loser and find yourself a better man.

Answer 10

It seems your husband is psychologically incapable of being married, This could be a ground for annulment of marriage on the ground of excessive addiction to computer games.
But give it another time, clear out issues with him that needs to be improved or else before having any children yet, which would complicate it later on. Act now.

Answer 11

he knows you will come back. show him different. tell his @ss you are gonna divorce him and cuss him out for everthing he has done. go to another country. if he calls begging you back tell him you already been down that road and it was a dead end. if you are having this much trouble and yaw are newlyweds that sh!t dont do nothin but get WORSE honey trust me! the longer you are married the more he ignores you. counseling cant help that. i will tell you exactly what is happening... He was so nice when yaw dated, he took you out to eat and yaw had so much fun then you got married and he doesnt tell you that your pretty like he used to, you dont have fun etc... what happened was.. when yaw where dating he was trying to get with you so he did all those things to please you. now he has you honey!!! he dont have to try anymore!! that is coming straight from a husbands mouth and is the truth!!! get a divorce and date the rest of your life! you will forget him and his bullsh!t in time. if you leave and get back with him i PROMISE you that he will do the same stuff. it will NEVER change! please listen to me he will NEVER change.