Is regret normal?

Question

I just left my husband. I had only known him for 4 months before we were married, shortly after our marriage we started having major problems. I tried everything before leaving him and felt that we would be better off with out each other. It's only been a week since I moved out, he was aware ahead of time that I was leaving. Now I feel major regrets, whe I am alone in my new place I worry about him, and question whether I made the right decision. Is this normal? Will these feelings subside?

I should also say that I do love him even though he was very manipulative, he constantly lied and was incapable of apologising without being asked to; Yet I'm the one who feels guilty, ashamed and regretful when logically I know I shouldn't feel this way.

With in a 5 month of our marriage I found him logging into a dating site looking for intimate encounters, he denies it was his profile he was logging into and tells me I'm an unforgiving person,..this among a multitude of other things caused me to want to leave him even though I love him. I tried counselling with him, I even attempted to go to church with him and each time he used these as situations in which he could manipulate and guilt me instead of taking responsibility.

Answer 1

This relationship was abusive. Many women feel guilty and responsible when they leave an abusive relationship. Get some info on abusive relationships from the nearest womens shelter. You deserve to be treated better and to be with someone that wants you. Dump him and move on. Good luck!!

Answer 2

Sounds to me like you jumped into the marriage to quick and then you may have jumped into leaving to quick. It takes time and lots of it to find the one you want to be with for life, and then once you do it takes a lifetime of change and growing into a better person and better couple to succeed with each other.

I think you sound like a very genuine person and maybe you two should try to start over (in a sense) if he has not totally shut the door on your relationship why not try dating again? He can pick you up at your place and you two can get to know each other again and see where it goes. Don't rush just go at a pace that suits you both. Tell him you worry about him and thought maybe you could see where it goes, if he is willing.

The feelings of regret will be whether or not you go back or you don't because now you are a lone and that is never fun. You will feel like you want to be with him even if you know it isn't right. If you do not want to work things out try to keep busy so you don't dwell, focus on you and making a fresh start.

Answer 3

What your feeling is very normal. You still love and care for his well being. He is the type of man who if he can't control the situation he isn't happy, those type also are searching for other women. If he couldn't be faithful in that short of time, just imagine years down the road. It is very smart you saw these things and got out before any children were brought into the marriage, now you will hear all kinds of advise, but the only one you should listen to is yourself. Take what others give you and use it, but in the end you have to be happy without him. Yes, it does get better, these are called panic attacks, we always want to know we made the right decision. Prayer will also help you, it did me.

Answer 4

It is normal especially if you do truly love him and feel like you have made the wrong move. I'm sorry but if you have love then you should work through anything 4 months your still newlyweds. If you love him I would try to work on the marriage get some professional guidance and patch up this relationship. Because all you have done is made yourself look like another pathetic statistic.

God Bless and Best Wishes

P.S. Unless one of you cheated you can work on this marriage. Marriage is no cake walk it takes strength and determination, and commitment to make a marriage work for the long haul.

Answer 5

SOOOOO normal. When I left my husband, I made the mistake of getting back together after a few months, to see if things had changed, but they didn't. I was a mess, the regret was insane, wondering if there was a way to make it work. It's been 2 years now, and I have no doubt it was a better decision to leave. I am so much happier now.

Answer 6

Yes, it's normal. I left my husband who abuised me and I had regrets. Take some time before you file for divorce and see if this is what you truely want. It was about 2 or 3 months before I was able to really live on my own and not worry if I made the right decision. In my situation it was the right choice but if I would have stayed it probably would have costed me my life. Good luck to you!

Answer 7

Since you have only been alone in your new place for a week it is understandable that you feel regretful. However, in the end, keeping someone in your life who is maniplulative is not good for you. People tend to miss the good things about someone when they are gone, forgetting about all the bad things they went through when the person was around. Give it time. Time heals painful wounds of all kinds!

Answer 8

It sounds like you act rather quickly about major decisions in your life without thinking about the consequences.

Give this separation some time while staying in communication with your husband. Tell him how your feeling and before you two make anymore decision....see a marriage counselor.

Answer 9

it is. it's normal to feel regret for almost anything. it's just in something major like this that these feeling can be more strong. my advice is that if these feelings don't go away after a while try meeting someone knew or just go to a club and have fun. i don't know why but when you replace something it becomes easier to forget and traces of that something are removed.

Answer 10

Yeah, this is very normal... I did the exact same thing when I left my now ex husband. The fact of the matter is, you will worry about him, because you do love him. Its ok, stick to your guns... hold it up, you will be fine.