I have been w/my boyfriend for a year+. We've been talking about marriage & our future. He has 2 children from prior marriage & suddenly wants no more though a few months ago we talked about it. He's 37 & I'm 23. I want to be w/him but am scared about this child issue. I think he is more scared b/c he doesn't want another failed marriage w/a child involved. He suddenly thinks he is too old to start over as a Dad. I am very much in love w/him & it is hard to imagine my life w/o him. Everyone keeps telling me that I'd be a great Mom. It is hard to question whether my desire for children is more than my love for him? If I don't have children will I resent him? I also think about the future if I walk away - What if I leave him, marry someone else & still for some reason still don't have children? Then will I always wonder what could have been w/him? Isn't he being selfish? I suddenly feel jealous of his ex. Does this mean he really doesn't love me? What do people in this situation do?
2007-04-28 14:05:19 · 10 answers · asked by rayneyblu 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I have never forced the issue or demanded anything from him. I just want the option to be able to have a child one day.
2007-04-28 14:06:03 · update #1
Find someone else, this is a Very Big Deal. You need someone who wants kids too or you'll be setting yourself up for a life of pure hell.
2007-04-28 14:13:09 · answer #1 · answered by doovinator 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The decision to have children for a couple, I would say, is the most important decision they will ever make together. If you get married to this person, as you grow older, you husband's decision not to have them will become more and more of an issue with you. I strongly advise that if he insists on no children (or feels he wouldn't make a good father) that you make a clean break of it asap. Painful at first, but eventually you'll get over it and meet someone else (not necessarily in that order). The "children" question should be discussed early in any relationship. At 23, you should probably date someone closer to your age who's not in your boyfriend's situation.
Before I got married, I dated many women, and not one ever suggested she didn't want to have children. In fact, not one of my guy friends did either -- so I have to believe that for any guy you date, (again, closer to your age), if he says he wants kids some day, he's probably not going to change his mind later.
2007-04-28 14:29:41 · answer #2 · answered by Stephen L 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know of one guy who is having children in his 60s.
Our fear is that he is treated more like a grandparent
than a parent, but it is a loving, complete relationship.
As for the "failed marriage" fear - he can use that as
an excuse to not commit to anything, not just children.
How does he feel about marrying you? If he doesn't
want to commit to that, then I think you should be
looking elsewhere for both your sakes (and any
potential progeny).
All guys have flaws. Children fix nothing about
your life - they are not the answer to all problems.
If you want to have children of your own and this
is a deal breaker for him, then I suggest you move
on. Yes, relationships can survive one partner
being dissastisfied in this arena, but there are other
fish in the sea.
Really. Fish that want to spawn.
As for "Easymoney's" answer of tricking him into
fatherhood, there's nothing that kills a relationship
faster than deliberate fraud on this scale. You might
have financial support, but you'll likely lose whatever
emotional support you currently have from this guy.
2007-04-28 14:13:14 · answer #3 · answered by Elana 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if u can't deal with his desicion u need to move on,
He might change his mind in the future though, it's up to u if ur willing to stick around for his change of heart ... u know he might be scared or not ready for another commitment (just yet), have a serious talk about it... if his final answer is "no more" then u'll know if u'll want to wait or not ... ur still young and girl all that "what if" crap we can't live by that imagine how depressed we'd all be, live ur life according to what ur heart wants not by "what if's"
good luck in all ..
2007-04-28 14:15:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to be with someone that wants everything you do in life, otherwise you are robbing yourself. You are young... re-examine your dreams and go with them. If you walk away because of who you truly are and want to be, you will never have regrets. If you stay and sacrifice who you are you will be miserable. Dig deep and I know you will find the answer. Wishing you the best, I know it is hard.
2007-04-28 17:54:49 · answer #5 · answered by aminwiththeoutcrowd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In order for a relationship t work you have to have the same goals in life...even if you don't always share the same interests....
But if it doesn't work out with him over the baby issue let me know... i would love to be a dad again....
2007-04-28 14:24:36 · answer #6 · answered by westfield47130 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i be attentive to somebody who completely replaced whilst he have been given his female chum pregnant. He went from a bum who performed guitar exterior of liquor shops for replace and living in a ghetto condominium, to having a extreme-payinig pastime and possessing a house interior the suburbs. yet they have 2 teenagers the two over 10 years-old now, and that they nonetheless are not married.
2016-10-14 01:17:26 · answer #7 · answered by lints 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aw. well it sounds like a problem. give him your reasoning on the subject, and try and put him around little kids more, sooner or later he will def fall for them
2007-04-28 14:09:12 · answer #8 · answered by Barbiex3 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Give you the same answer as last time. Just get pregnant and tell him oops
2007-04-28 14:08:48 · answer #9 · answered by easymoney 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
try to change his mind
2007-04-28 14:07:34 · answer #10 · answered by ♥hokie_fan9313♥ 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋