Are you a "preppy black"???

Question

Let me start by saying that I'm not trying to offend anyone or start a debate, but I just want to know if this is a common thing.

Today a friend in one of my "mom groups" was complaining because her oldest son started hanging out with a boy she doesn't care for (he and her son are both 10). She said that the boy is a bad influence. When I asked what the boy had done, her exact words were ... "well, he's black ... he speaks using all of that slang stuff ... his pants are always falling of his butt ... and if his mother let's him act like that then he's not a person I want hanging around my son." I paused for a second and said ... do you realize that the first thing out of your mouth was that he's black? She went on to explain how there were different "levels" of black, and told me that me and my family were "o.k." because we are "preppy blacks". She said "preppy blacks" are black people who are upper middle class or what others would call "white washed". I was shocked!

She IS white, and YES I was OFFENDED. I think I was more shocked though because I have known her for going on 5 years, and she has never said anything like this before. I told her that I didn't know she had "classified" our friendship, and DECIDED I was "O.K." to hang out with. She's been calling over and over again apologizing on my answering machine.

Answer 1

Well, that just goes to show how some white people are, just tolerant enough not to be racist. They figure it's ok to associate themselves with those black people whom they view as neutral. It's funny how black people classify other black people in the same way. There are some black people who refer others as being "white washed" simply because they are articulate and project themselves in an intellegent manner. It's their percieved level of blackness and how to determine whether or not another black person is selling out. Either way, it's pretty silly. I tend not to associate myself with people, white or black, who keep stereotypical views of each other. But is it really a stereotype? I'm biracial, so I find that most of the time I defy classification. I don't know if I would be as offended by what your friend said as you are, I've had the opportunity to know people of similar opinions, both black and white. I think it's good that she has a friend like you, because at the very least she respects you on some level. Perhaps you should just talk to her about it. It wouldn't do either of you any good if the friendship is over. Nothing will change unless she knows what kind of boundary she's crossed. I wouldn't label her as being racist because there are many black parents who don't want their children to associate themselves with people who glorify the "thug" life as well. It's not that she does not want to associate with black people, just not those type of black people and no matter how weird or offensive that sounds coming from a white person, you have to ask yourself is that type of person acceptable to you? That hip hop lifestyle is something that a lot of people have a problem with and is really an issue now in mainstream society now, especially after the whole Don Imus thing. There is still little known about those types of people, but hip hop, because it's not understood, is thought to be a lifestyle that glorifies crime and objectifies women. I gaurantee that's what your friend doesn't want her child to be influenced by and neither do I for that matter. I want my son to speak with intellegence, and I do not want him using that slang and I don't view that as being racist. My grandmother didn't want me speaking in slang myself. That was tough considering I grew up in an all black neighborhood in the south where slang was the norm. All races have different types of personalities within that race that are more or less acceptable to associate with than others. And just as your freind has decided to classify blacks, there are many blacks who classify whites as well. It's all about breaking down barriers, and this won't happen unless we talk to each other about what we don't like that others do, concerning race.

Talk to your friend.

Answer 2

There's not a day that goes by where ignorance doesn't blossom into a new tree of intolerance. I am speechless. My jaw literally fell slack while I read this. it's so ignorant it's almost humorous. You must feel betrayed. I would, but. I'd also be thankful to have found out her true feelings. We Black people don't come in stages or categories. I've heard the term "safe blacks" used before, but. "preppy". I'm glad that all people aren't so stupid. America is dying from a cancer called racism from the inside out.

Answer 3

I didn't know that being raised to be kind to all, speak with diction, read books...meant I was white washed or preppy.

I don't understand what is wrong with people. You can't listen to this type of music or you are labeled as an ignorant ghetto black person, or if you announciate your words you are a preppy black... Damn people just do you, and screw what others think.

Answer 4

I hope you put that woman in her place. You dont have to be rude, but she is completely ignorant in her statement. Preppy Blacks are now the middle class? So does that mean that the Whites that act Black are from the projects or ghetto? Her logic is completely warped. I would have explained her this, and told her to reconsider her belief. I bet you if you slapped her, she would not call you "preppy" anymore. Tell her she is generalizing and its a bit offensive, and if she does not understand that, keep your distance. She is IGNORANT at best....

FYI-Wearing your pants low and using slang is not a race. So whats with the "Black" vs. "Preppy Black" mess? If she simply stated that she doesnt want her child wearing his pants down low, then she has all the right not to let her child become a part of that. But yea ummm the BLACK statement was very ignorant on her part...

Answer 5

OMG
This is unbelievable
This lady is not your friend.
all those 5 years, in her mind she had changed you into what she wants you to be. Maybe she dislikes all black people, but felt different about you, so what she did is she labeled you as "preppy black" so that you fit her beliefs.
You can:
1) pretend she this didn't happen and make her fit what you want her to be and continue to be her friend

2) stop being her friend
i would never forgive her. you need to realize that this lady is not going to like you parents, friends or anyone you love if they are a bit different from you, you would never stop loving you son if he started talking slang, but she might
if i was you, i would cut her off completely. She was very disrespectful to you, and you continuing to be her friend would set a very bad example for your family.
SHE is a bad influence for your family.

Answer 6

“Preppy Black” is like the term I hear a lot “Uppity *****”
It’s sad that black people can’t act civil without people assuming they grew up around white people or have a lot of white friends. Let her know that you act the way you do not because you're “white washed”, but because you were raised that way. I have gotten a lot of taunting when I moved to the east coast. Because people thought I conformed myself to fit in with the white crowd. I grew around Mexican people, in New Mexico… I didn’t have a lot of white friends and had three black friends. All my friends were either Mexican or Native American. I moved to NC with my “white girl” accent and my “white girl” walk. But I knew I didn’t get these attributes from my environment, I got it from my mother. My mother made me read everyday, my mother told me to walk up straight, my mother made me use correct English… And my mother is black who was taught the same things from her mother. Now I’m in college and I refuse to take these labels that my own people and others put on me. I don’t talk like a white girl… I talk like I have some sense. And I chose not to let ignorance get to me, I let them know the truth and go about my business. So to answer your question: No, I’m not a “Preppy Black”… I am a educated black female.

Answer 7

i'm not a preppy black- or i wouldnt consider myself one anyway. i have heard this comparison though, i've been friends w/ a couple of people who told me that i was "different". most of the time i just do the eye-roll thing, but now i take offense to it

she probably doesnt know many black folks to begin with, and gets her comparisons from rap videos and hearsay.

just educate her.

Answer 8

your friend is ignorant she should allow her son to befriend whomever he pleases her logic is that he speaks slang words and wears the in style rapper like clothing and is suddenly a gangster or whatever
slap your"friend" and remind her that the kid is ten
white wash is nothing to be proud of your friend seems to be confused
is she forgetting that the people who inspire the slang and baggy clothes are among the wealthiest
if my mother ever stopped me from being friends with a kid i would be angry and become their best friend on purpose to make her just as mad
your friend should be proud of her heritage and forget trying to be white bewcause regardless or race all people have the right to wear big pants and talk silly i mean she says some pretty dumb stuff so it must be ok right

Answer 9

"Preppy Black" hmm
I would classify myself as Country Black then lol
Were you offended, because I have to admit there would be a lingering question in my mind if I should or shouldn't be. It just seems like a blatantly ignorant thing to say.

Answer 10

QWell, at least you know how your friend.... or should I say ex-friend, views you.

Whatever the case.... I am VERY black, but some weak black ppl tend to confuse my sophistication for being "white washed"