After getting married, I found out that my husband had phone sex with several women b4 our wedding, that was when I was working in another city, he flirted on the internet and asked for their telephone number to have phone sex... now we have been married for a couple of months, I find that leaves a shadow and it affects my feeling for him, and it also affects our sex life... Im not interested in having sex with him... I dont know whether its bcos he is not really good in bed in the first place or is bcos his past behavior affecting my feeling...
I havent talked to him about that, what should I do now? Is it a big deal?
2007-04-28 13:59:32 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
yes, it is a very big deal and will destroy what relationship you have left if you do not address this openly with him and both of you get counseling. you have already said you no longer are interested in having sex with him. that's about as bad as it gets for a couple only married two months. the only other option is have the marriage annulled and move on and that is where you will end up if you do not act on this problem now.
2007-04-28 14:21:05 · answer #1 · answered by Mon-chu' 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HOLY MOLY is it ever a big deal, my opinion is a good sex life increases the intamacy in the relationship and makes it strong, I say once the sex is gone look out for tragedy. I don't blame you for feeling the way you feel, it is one thing if a man looks at a playboy a magazine doesn't talk back, it is quite another to find some chick on line and then have them call so you can have phone sex, which by the way I find totally ridiculous. My next question is does he have so many insecurites because he knows he is bad in bed that he feels he has to call these women. If so you may want to start investigating because these types of actions may not have stopped. I am guess they haven't.
I would say you two need to talk a lot more about your sex life, I know it can take some of the mistery away to discuss it, but he sounds like he needs a bit of guidance, and you should tell him what you like and don't like. Try to be his teacher, if that still doesn't work, reevaluate your marriage.
2007-04-28 21:39:33 · answer #2 · answered by Italia 28 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a big deal because it is affecting the marriage . The first thing that you need to do is dicuss it with him even if you think that you can't. The only way you can ever get past it is to deal with it. I think that you can get past this if you have enough love for your husband. It won't be easy and for a long time after you will not trust him much at all, but in time you will. The one thing to remember is that when you forgive him don't bring up his past behavior or throw it up to him in a fight . If you do that then your relationship will never work and you may as well end it now. You have to forgive with your whole heart and mean it.
2007-04-28 21:17:17 · answer #3 · answered by regina g 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the sex was that bad in the first place, it should have raised questions. May I suggest some karma sutra books from a bookstore. That might help the sex part and as far as phone sex issue, go to some marriage counseling and see if your marriage is worth saving. If both of you really love each other, it should work out for the best. Good Luck.
2007-04-28 21:06:16 · answer #4 · answered by deann6669 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seems his behavior has left you very unhappy with him in all ways. I would maybe think about getting out before you been there to long and waste a lot of years. Did you ask him about thing's he was into before you were married or did you assume he was a saint. Maybe you should talk to him he may not even know how his past behavior has made you feel. if he did it before he probable won't change and is probable still doing them things. Good luck
2007-04-28 21:09:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a big deal...only because it is effecting you. Anything (big or small) is a problem if it is effecting you. Especially if it is effecting your sexual relationship with your husband. Well - First things first...you have to talk to him. Knowing what his thoughts are will help you with your next step...if a "next step" is even needed. Communicating with him is the only way to figure out what route you and your husband are going to take...and how your are going to take it. Remember, you two are in this together now. Communicate.
2007-04-28 21:15:54 · answer #6 · answered by ladydrea2918 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If its affecting u, then yes its a big deal. Apparently u r bothered by it and u need to talk to him about it. He lied or withheld information from u that u consider to be very important. Therefore it warrants a conversation.
If u let it keep brewing, then it will eventually ruin your relationship with him. It has already begun to do so.
Talk to him about it. Tell him your concerns and your feelings on the matter.
Nothing is ever to minor to discuss if you are bothered about it.
Good luck.
2007-04-28 21:05:42 · answer #7 · answered by Truth Teller 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is a big deal if you are not enjoying sex with him and cannot forgive him. You need to first talk to him about it. Maybe he can put your mind at rest.
Before you talk to him though you need to decide if you really can ever forgive him. If not, there is no sense in going on. However if you think you will be able to forgive him, then talk to him and see what he has to say for himself.
2007-04-28 21:18:35 · answer #8 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think your marriage is worth saving then by all means work it out and most of all talk to him about how you feel don't remain silent and the big question is does he still have phone sex after all its not like he had any physical contact
2007-04-28 21:05:54 · answer #9 · answered by jeannie6269 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Dump this pereverted idiot. Ask your family what they would think of you if you 1.Divorced a pervert who had phone sex or 2.Stayed with a pervert who had phone sex with other women while he was with you, what do you think they would say about it. Get his side of the story first, and don't accept a rubbish answer or insincere apology
2007-04-28 21:09:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋