Should I leave my husband?

Question

I have been married for a year, and I don't have any kids, but I am thinking about leaving my husband. We are going through a really difficult time right now, and I have lost affection for him. I feel like I don't even love him anymore. I have recently begun talking to a dear friend who lives about 800 miles away, and I have fallen in love with him. I feel like we are Soul Mates, which is a feeling I have never had before. Now, all I can do is think of divorcing my husband, because I realize how much better he deserves. I have not cheated on him, because I have love and respect for my husband, but I feel like I am no longing in love with him. This other man loves me, too. I feel like he loves me even more than my husband does. I want to leave my husband, but I am not sure of where to go. I spend all of my time thinking about this other man, and that makes me feel horrible. Some friends tell me that I need to get away from the situation and go visit my parents. What should I do???

Answer 1

stop living the lie and move on. but don't go running straight to someone else because you definitely need to find out who you are after this episode or you will be destined to repeat this over and over. there are issues at play here that we do not know so only you know what to do.

Answer 2

First of all, girl, you are cheating on your husband, maybe not physically, but mentally you are all over the other man. If you are feeling the way you are now, after only a year, why stay? But before you go all gung ho and move to be with the other man, best get a place on your own or move back with your folks and let things simmer down. Another thing, you have to be sure this guy isn't blowing smoke up your you know what by telling you he loves you. You are married, he's 800 miles away which makes you "safe" in his mind. No commitment strings there. If he truly wants you, he will come to you after you make your choice, by no means do you make the move to go to him.
Most of all, get away from where you are now, take time for yourself, seperate yourself from everything and everyone. Take a mini vacation and clear your mind.

Answer 3

ok, first of all how old are you? why did you get married in the first place? If you said it was love...then your love is a short term one. I was just talking with someone about this same thing about marriages are short lived. That some people will only stay in it for a short period (in your case 12 months)some people are not immature for marriage and they will run the first time they have a problem. Like you, jojo. You need to grow up and work out what ever the problem is between you and your husband.

this guy that lived 800 miles away from you is not the answer. What will you do after the year is up with him? Are you ready to run again?

I would said no! you should stay there and working things out.

Answer 4

This one is difficult. Had you offered evidence that your husband was cruel or had otherwise acted inappropriately, the decision would be simple. But you didn't, so it's not. So, your notion go visit your parents for a few days makes sense, and while there, do this: take two pieces of paper; headline one with Good Points, and the other with Bad Points. Enter all the reasons why you think the relationship is or is not working on the appropriate sheet. Next, ascribe a point value to each, from 1 for trivial to 10 for a serious problem. Now sort the lists by point value, and make sure that the results are in fact in correct order of importance as well as properly numerically ranked. Next, rate each reason for how good or bad it is in your specific case, and allocate a number for that, somewhere between 1 and the maximum point value for that attribute. Add these up, for both the good list and the bad list, and compare. This is not bulletproof, of course, but it will force you to think about what is really going on and help you to reach some sort of conclusion.

Answer 5

It sounds like you're a relationship addict for one thing. At least the idea I get from your question is that you're okay leaving your husband, as long as you have the next guy lined up. The question is do you love your husband, the other guy, or do you simply love the idea of being in love?

At any rate. Every long term married couple I've ever discussed the subject with always admits to having periods of trouble and doubts about their own marriage.

Barring physically/mentally abusive relationships, the only difference in a good marriage or a divorce seems to be that divorced couples gave up.

Mature love is realizing that not every day is going to leave you breathless and blushing, life isn't all puppy dogs and rainbows. Marriage is work.

At any rate, If you do leave your husband, I'd advise staying single for a while. You can't figure out who you want to be with forever unless you figure out who you are in the first place. Besides, you may even decide you don't want to be married to anyone.

Answer 6

I was married for less than a year and decided to leave my husband. I felt like I didn't even know who he was anymore. Saying that things were difficult is an understatement. I personally think you need to take some time away from both guys. I don't think it is smart to rush into another relationship. Some of the feelings you are having for this guy who lives 800 miles away could be due to the lack of feelings that exist in your current marriage. Just take a break and go somewhere where you can think and take all the time you need. What is meant to be will be. Don't be hasty.

Answer 7

You say you have been married for a year and already fell off the cloud. Most marriage last at least 7 years before they hit rock bottom. Plus, you say you "don't even love him anymore", "you have lost affection for him", "you are no longer in love with him" then somewhere in between you say "I have not cheated on him, because I have love and respect for my husband" and yet you are "thinking about the other man, talking to the other man, falling, no fallen in love with the other man, calling him your soul mate", and even "thinking of divorce to be with the other man" And all this makes you feel horrible so you want to runaway to mommy?

What makes you feel horrible is the shame that you realize and admit that you are already cheating, being disrepectful and unfaithful to your mate. Dump the "other man", "boy toy", "soul mate", "Mr. never been down that road", and tell him that your spoken for and need to work on your marriage. If he has any sense (other than what's in his front pockets) he will leave and forever hold his peace.

You on the other hand, are already married. Quit "playa"ng around. And please, you "don't have any kids", so don't start now when you still have thoughts about "leaving your husband". Monogamy is for the strong of heart, and children need the very best example of true love, not fleeting fantasies. Talk to a counselor, not your mommy, because a counselor has real insight and won't treat you like a hurt little puppy dog. Find out why you like "sex on the go".

Your talking about leaving a man who, as far as this post goes, has done no wrong. You accepted the "proposal" , "contract" , "the big M" , "his & hers" forever, unless you want to add liar to your list of wrong doings. It wasn't all about just you and your happiness anymore when he decided his bachelor days were gone. Because, unless he played a really large part of your change of heart ( tom catting, selfish, abusive, controlling ) , he doesn't deserve to be label "divorcee" so soon after he took the big matrimonial leap.

Answer 8

I agree with Lance...the grass is always greener. You took vows. There are women whose spouse is abusive, or cheat on them, or at the very least is difficult to live with, and they stick it out. You haven't mentioned anything your husband has done wrong- why do this to him? If you concentrate on what you can put into your marriage more than what you can get out of it, you'll find you'll get more out of it. As for the other guy- if he is of such character that he would build a relationship with a married woman, he will also go after the next one that comes along and leave you behind. You are setting yourself up for a life of misery. Please, stop and think. And look at the good side of what you already have.
I married my husband because I was pregnant. I didn't love him, and thought many times that I had made a mistake and should leave him. But I committed myself to him, and prayed God would give me the kind of loving feelings a wife should have toward her husband- and He did! We made it through some very traumatic things together. He died 4 years ago- we had been married 19 1/2 years. I'm so glad I stayed with him.

Answer 9

You owe it to you and your husband to try everything before you decide to leave. Have you tried counseling? Are your bored? Have you talked to your husband? Ask yourself some questions. What made you fall in love with your husband in the first place? What is it about him now that made you fall out of love with him? You really need to stop talking to this other man because your relationship with him is interfering with your decision about your marriage. Concerning this other man, remember anyone can say the right thing over the phone. Doing the right thing is a different matter. The grass is not always greener on the other side.. Marriage is hard, especially the first 2 or three years. You should really stop talking to this other man and try to work on your relationship with your husband. When you can honestly said "we've tried our best to make it work" then go on and start a new life.

Answer 10

You must be 18,19 that would be the only excise you have for thinking the way you are right now.What would you do if your husband came home and said to you, I want a divorce because I don't love you,I'm in love with someone else and she loves me.How would that make you feel,my guess is pretty dam bad.You want to brake your husbands heart over what
love you say,you don't no what love is,it sure isn't what you think it is.What you feel for this other man is not love it's lust
and that is it.Lust doesn't last and neither does the excitement
that so many people mistake as love.Why do you think it is
when someone leaves their spouse 9 times out of 10 they go back to them.You are about to make the biggest mistake of your life it's just a shame that there is nothing any of us can say to make you change your mind.If you do this to your husband be prepared to be hated by him for life. Don't think that when that other guy leaves you for someone else,and he will by the way,you left your husband for this man,what makes you think he trust you not to do the same to him,that alone will make him keep you at arms length.First thing that will pop in your head, must go back to hubby.So you go a head do what makes-YOU, happy and watch what happens to you.

Answer 11

Go visit your parents for you can't make a clear decision if you are thick in the mkddle of the conflict and the conflicting emotions. Its also easy to think you are in love with someone that offers you a easy no conflict,problem flow of conversation and probably tells you all you want to hear and never challenges anything you say. You do not give much back history on your "dear friend",like someone you knew before or met talking but something is missing since you are unsure of where to go were you to leave your husband (due to finances?)and most likely have expressed this concern to your friend why has he not offered a solution and if its due to financial offered to help since that is what a "friend" would do.If this is the first serious difficulty since your marriage this is also a test period if yoiur marriage is rock solid where you two by cooperating,leaning on each other with affection and support can weather this together or is the lovethere only when times ar good and in conflict or periods of stress you two turn on each other.You need to go to your parents, tell the other guy that you will not call anymore due to you being married.You say you have not cheated but you have and are with this man fo cheating is not just having sexual relations but also sharing yourself emotionally,spiritually with someone besides / Instead of your spouse. Were it a minister,priest,friend,relation that you've turned to for advice on how to preserve your marriage your relationship with your husband it would be acceptable but you have turned away from your husband and are having a friend/phone relationship with this other man and have turned your back on your marriage. Any man of honor,principle or any values would not even be haaving this type of relationship with you. How would you feel were your husband to be sharing his thoughts,feelings etc with another woman on the phone. Think of what attractd you to your husband and how you can suppot each other to overcome this and if need be get some counseling.Perhaps if you are going to turn to another man when things get rough your husband should be one making a decision about you.