So my youngest daughter and her husband were so happy last Monday, she was finally pregnant, about 7 -8 weeks. We just found out late yesterday she started having cramps Friday mong and the doctors say she lost the baby. All I could do was stand there in shock then hug her and say I love you and other stupid drivel. She is so broken by this, how can I help her?
2007-04-28 06:07:04 · 20 answers · asked by cladiusneroimperator 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Thanks for all the answers. She is just sitting like a zombie right now, but her husband and the family is all there for support.
2007-04-28 11:09:50 · update #1
You really can't other than be there for her. Try to keep her busy for the first few days. That helped me(my first pregnancy was ectopic). Although, I didn't realize that that's what everyone was doing until a few days later. I stayed disappointed about mine for months. It's a terrible thing. The good news is that she should be able to try and have another within 60-90 days.
A little edit...I agree with the woman down below. Assure her that it wasn't her fault. Alot of women feel like they have done something wrong to cause the miscarriage.
2007-04-28 06:12:11 · answer #1 · answered by babyquestion24 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same thing but at 11 weeks and i was mortified. Not much really helped me at first. Every time someone talked about it i got really upset and seeing other families and babies didn't help either. I was pretty depressed and what truly helped was getting pregnant again. I know she has to wait a while before trying again, i dont remember how long exactly, but God works in mysterious ways, he took my first baby and blessed me with twins on my second pregnancy, so let her know things happen for a reason. Miscarriages usually happen because the baby would have been to sick to survive, something was seriously wrong with it (retardation, defects, etc) or the implantation wasn't good for survival. A lot more women have miscarriages than you think. My doc told me that many women have a miscarriage and dont even know it because they think they just had a late period. I hope she gets to feeling better, and just let her know how much you love her. My mom was just as devastated as i was but time will heal her, it did with me!
2007-04-28 13:15:47 · answer #2 · answered by kenandcat143 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I have been through this myself. I was 8 weeks pregnant when i lost my first baby but went on to have a healthy pregnancy after this. The worst thing for me was when people avoided me and didnt talk about how i was feeling. The worst thing you can do is ignore what has happened talking is the best way to get over this. It took me several months to except and move on. At first she will feel so upset then a day of feeling numb and then a day of trying to find out why? My advice for your daughter would be to talk to her but do not say "it wasnt meant to be this time but next time..." that makes things worse. There is light at the end of the tunnel it will take time. She will be fine trust me i know. Lots of pampering and talking will help.
2007-04-29 17:12:53 · answer #3 · answered by jessica P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for both you and your daughter. That is hardest thing to go through. I wish I could tell you there is a magic thing to do or say to make it all better, but the reality is that it feels like someone has ripped out your heart and taken away the sun when this happens. All you can do is be there for her. Let her lean on you and dont say things like "there will be another baby" because she really doesnt want to hear that right now. grieve with her and let her know shes not alone. Her heart will heal in time.
2007-04-28 13:17:36 · answer #4 · answered by Shell 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how she feels, although we are two different people. I was 8 weeks 3 days pregnant in 2003 when I miscarried. Cramps first, then I started bleeding. It was awful. I did not want to talk about it. I just wanted it to go away, and I did not want to think about it at the time unless I was alone. I didnt mind being around my husband or anything, but when he was at work I would cry and cry for weeks after. I dont know how she is going to feel about it, but me, personally, as well as my best friend who has had at least 3 miscarriages, we just did not want to talk about it at all to anybody. It affected me deeply, and to this day, still does. What I think you need to do, and you know your daughter best, is just be there for her. When she is ready to talk about it, she will know you are there and wiill come to you when that time comes. Dont push her to let out her feelings, dont tell her that it is all going to be ok, she does not want to think about that right now. This is a huge loss to her, and if she wants to be left alone, leave her alone, and dont bring it up. When she is ready, she will come to you because she knows you are there. She will get through this. It will take some time, but she will get through it and may even be stronger for it. I know I was. I hope this is something that will help you help her.
2007-04-28 13:22:02 · answer #5 · answered by lindsayismith 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Poor baby, she will need some time to get over what happened. She will have to get over the shock to her system, plus the aftermath of lingering hormones from the pregnancy.
Counsel her not to second-guess herself. Her body will recover and if they want to, they can try again. She should get a thorough check up to make sure there isn't anything to cause this to happen again. Also, don't let her get obsessed with conceiving. She didn't do anything wrong.
P.S. I love you is a wonderful thing to say, not drivel.
2007-04-28 15:33:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My best friend had several miscarriages...and has four healthy children. The one thing I can tell you is that after the losses she felt powerless. Don't make things worse by coddling her and trying to make decisions for her. A loss like this will make a person feel as though they have no control over their own lives. DON'T take any more control from her. Offer to help in any way you can and tell her you can't imagine what she is going through. Let her decide what she wants help with and come to you when she wants to talk.
2007-04-28 15:55:14 · answer #7 · answered by moongoddess209 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't. No one, not even I, can say "I understand what you are going through." In fact, don't say that at all! Unless you have dealt with that kind of loss, you can't understand. All you can do is what you did. Tell her you love her, be there for her when she needs you the most and tell her that it isn't her fault. She needs support now ... a kind smile, a hug, loving words ... you might think it drivel. But believe me, she needs to know that her family is with her.
My thoughts are with you, your daughter and her husband in this difficult time.
2007-04-28 13:14:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just be there for her.Things happen for a reason.God never gives us more than we can handle.She will become PG again when the time is right.Its hard when this happends to someone who wants a child.All will be fine.Have a family prayer session.It may help everyone with the loss.My prayers are with your family.May God bless your daughter with a healthy baby within the next year.
2007-04-28 13:17:45 · answer #9 · answered by toomuchpain 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having had a miscarriage myself I know, just being there for her helps. Sometimes when people say things, no matter what they seem wrong. A hug, or holding her hand and just letting her know you are there can mean more than anything you can say. Maybe you can help the first day or two back home by cooking for her? she will have some pain.
Good luck.
2007-04-28 13:26:20 · answer #10 · answered by Lulu 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋