We separated almost 3 years ago (because of my infedility). We tried counseling a few times unsuccessfully. I have pleaded for forgiveness, have not seen or gone out w/anyone since, have withstood alot of verbal abuse from him because i felt i deserved it and am trying to make good over something that i did that was bad. He comes over to my house to see the kids, we have dinner together about 1x /week with the kids but he said we never have fun together to build on romantic feelings again. So now i'm trying to go to that next step, but he keeps saying no no no; yet i know, when i back down, he will say i didn't try hard enough. Any serious responses out there will be appreciated.
2007-04-28 05:24:27 · 14 answers · asked by pinebarrons1 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is scared of being hurt by you again. You need to try and doing activities with him that he likes whether you like them or not and act genuinley interested. You need to do little romantic things with him like cook him his favorite dinner, give him massages and do other things for him that he likes whether you like them or not. You need to show him that you care and that you are going to be there for him.
Cheating on him hurt him. When a guy loves a woman he loves her with all of his heart! Cheating on him hurt him more than you can imgaine. Even though it has been 3 years he may still be trying to get over the pain. He is probably thinking you hurt him but you also hurt the kids as well.
You did good by taking the verbal anger for him. But you are going to just have to keep working at this and your just going to have to be patient. If he shows anger towards you just take it without getting angry back. Show him that you care and you still want to be together.
Good luck!
2007-04-28 05:32:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try to start "dating" him but work at it gradually. Start doing little stuff.
Send him flowers.
Have his favorite wine, dessert and movie waiting for him. Put the kids to bed early that night.
Show up to take him to lunch and dress cute.
Text message him something flirty.
I would also tell him the past is the past and you are making a fresh start from now on. Tell him you are going to work at it [but give yourself a timeline] Also if trust is an issue make everything very easy for him to see you are being honest. Also DO NOT let him verbally abuse you. Like I mentioned that the past, it is over and done. You can put effort into it for awhile but if he is not going to then it is time to move on - get a man who would appreciate all the effort you are making!!
2007-04-28 14:39:19 · answer #2 · answered by Ann 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sweetheart the truth of the matter is that you cheated and betrayed his trust. he's tried counseling and still can't get the image of you and another man out of his head. this what he sees everytime he looks at you and honestly can you blame him,not really. trust is the staple in a marriage.w/o it you have absolutely nothing. you had your chance and you blew it. think of how you would feel if he had cheated on you. just thank GOD that you can be cordial enough to co-parent in a good enviroment and be strong for your kids,i hope you all had family counseling as well b/c it could be very damaging to kids also when someone cheats. just face the fact that you were the one who destroyed your family and now you have to live with that and move on. that's as serious and honest as i can get. a man's ego can't take being cheated on.
2007-04-28 12:43:09 · answer #3 · answered by freedom fighter 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well um u may need some space away then when u talk again it may all fall together but if a person is scared then it will take along time to get over that feeling of distrust again....um jus take it slow an yea yall plan a night out together to do something romantic go to movie or out to fancy restaurant an dress ver y sexy an he is sure not to resist u then an yall may can get hotel or somethin ju have fun together ......jus relax an if it ment to be then it will be if not then u have to be strong an live your life aan be happy for your kids there are more men out ther that can make you very happy it may no tbe you rtime righ tnow but it will happen...goood luck but do somethin without your kids if you get sitter an try it ok but id he resists you wearinf somethin sexy then there is somethin wrong....it worked for me and we were split up for 3 months an never saw each other....oh yea an wear thongs an let your hair down an smell good girl an he should fall to you ....let me know what happens ok.....
2007-04-28 12:44:13 · answer #4 · answered by BOOBOO 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The feelings have to be mutual. If he doesn't want to go out romantically, then you must accept that. So you cheated. Don't let anybody make you jump through hoops for any reason. These reunion fantasies keep you emotionally hostage to him. Free yourself from that past relationship - he's said no one time too many. It is him that should have tried harder. Why is he putting all the weight on you?
2007-04-28 12:41:48 · answer #5 · answered by oh really 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you say CONVINCE? If anything kind of emotions for you were there you wouldn't have to convince him to do anything. I thought you guys just divorced, but it's been THREE years, move on, the guy doesn't want you. The only thing you have in common are those children. Keep your pride and stop begging, cause I'm sure he's starting to not want to come over cause you're going to start in on a reunion. I'm sure you're a beautiful woman who can find somebody, I honestly don't think you want him you just want to see if you can.
2007-04-28 12:40:12 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is finding fault when u are trying so hard, act as if u aren't interested in restoring the marriage, act distant, don't plead with him, if he doesn't want u back its his loss, maintain your dignity, and confidence, u have done the best u can to make amends for the past, it may just not be meant to be. he seems to be carrying a grudge, and if he is not willing to forgive u, let it go and stop beating yourself up over it.
2007-04-28 13:46:15 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are trying too hard to turn yourself into a doormat. It is not your job alone to change the world into a perfect place to make him happy and content. Have a come to jesus meeting with him and point out that it is a two lane highway; and if he doesn't want travel it with you then get the @$#@@$# off and you move on with your life.
2007-04-28 12:33:18 · answer #8 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is the problem with the world today. People don't think they should have any repercussions for their actions. You screwed up and you are paying the price.......... you and your kids! Your infidelity took their daddy away from them and your husband away from you.
I'm sure I sound harsh, but my ex-wife did the same thing and has no remorse for what she did to the rest of my 6 year old daughters life. "Its just a part of life" she said.
2007-04-28 12:34:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't TRUST you anymore, and there will never be more to the relationship than there is now.
I'm sorry, but you broke the marriage, and now you have to live with it.
It sounds like he is being civil for the kids' sake, but don't deceive yourself into thinking he wants more.
2007-04-28 12:31:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋