What are the PROS and CONS of each?

Question

Ok lets say you are a college student 22 and your partner is 19 going on 20 in August but mature for his age, had sex condom broke and you are pregnant.

What are the Pros and Cons of not telling him he's a daddy until after the baby is born?

What are the Pros and Cons of never telling him he's a daddy until the baby is older?

What are the Pros and Cons of never telling him at all??

Ok

What are the Pros and Cons and things to look out for if you DO Tell him that you are pregnant with his child and he does NOT have to be involved if he doesn't want to?

And you believe any type of abortion is murder(even the Morning After Pill)

Answer 1

The pro's would be that at least he'd get to know hes a daddy. The Cons woould be for him and her. For her because he might want to do the right thing and he can help her throught the pregnancy.The Cons with him would be that she didnt tell him first off. And he might want to go to the Doc and hear the heartbeat and ultrasound. He may want to be there for the birth of his child.

The Pros of never telling him untill baby is older. There are no Pro's about that. He deserves to know. The Cons would be that he missed out on the first years of the childs life. The child also dosent have a dad and then you tell the dad and he might not believe her because she waited so long. The child will be without a father and all the sudden a dad comes into childs life. That would be stressful.

There are no pro's to never telling him at all. He deserves to know. Cons would be someday the child will ask about his her father and she will have to eplain that she never told him. at least if she tells the dad and he dosent want to be involved than she can tell child that I told your daddy and he didnt want to be a daddy.But I was so excited to be your mommy and I love you very much. This guy might be a great dad and deserves the chance.

She can tell him just because Im pregnant dosent mean we should get married but I need to know how you feel. She can tell him I am keeping the baby and I will do it with your help or without it. I just thought you deserved to know but I will raise the baby no matter what.

No matter what he deserves to know. If he decides to not have a part in the childs life than that is his loss because a baby is a gift and they bring much joy.

Answer 2

My husband and I became parents at 19. No one thought he would be a good father, but it turns out, he is fantatic! He is loving and patient and our daughter means the world to him. I could not have possibly imagined a better daddy for my children. If you think this man may actually HARM you or your child, then dont tell him at all. If that isnt something he would do, then he has every right to know that he is a father. That baby is just as much his as it is yours. At least give him the chance to step up and be a good father. Have a loving and mature talk with him about it. Tell him you would like to give him a chance to be part of this child's life, but if he blows it, you will take full responsibility for the child. When it comes to being a parent, its all or nothing. Dont let him be the kind of dad who only calls or writes once a year. I have half a dozen girl friends who had dads like that, and they were all very confused and promiscuous girls in highschool and still have man problems to this day. Like I said, tell him its all or nothing, but give him some time to choose which way he wants it. Involve him in your pregnancy, and let him see the baby as soon as it is born. That ONE moment in his life could turn him into a fantastic father. If you dont tell him til after the baby is born, it will come as a shock. He wont have any time to warm up to the idea and may even resent you and the baby for just appearing out of no where. Tell him, and let HIM make this decision. Make it clear that you will not let him get away without paying child support, no matter what he chooses. Its his responsibility. Just give it a chance. Imagine how you would feel if men could conceive babies, and no one told you that you were going to be a mother. Also, I commend you for not considering abortion.

Answer 3

Oh good greif I'm not going to play this childish "pros and cons" game. It is obvious that the person who IS pregnant isn't mature enough to even have sex as it is let alone be pregnant.
To being with, abortion can't be murder because muder concerns a BORN entity and a zygote,embry,fetus,pregnancy is not a BORN entity. In otherwords you can't murder what hasn't been born yet.
If you don't tell him at all then he's really going to be surprised when he is contacted by the court that an order of support has been filed against him. That would be CHILD support.
The longer you wait the less time he will have to adjust to the idea, to think about it and to prepare.
In my opinion he should be made aware of the pregnancy as soon as it has been confirmed. He doesn't HAVE to be involved if he doesn't want to be whether YOU tell him he doesn't have to be or not. He DOES have a choice but the child DOES have the right to child support and unless you plan on putting it up for adoption you would be doing your future baby a disservices by not filing for it.
I also suggest that you grow up a bit more before you have sex again, you're not old enough to face the responsiblities and consequences of your own actions even now.

Answer 4

holy crap! sorry about your situation, Sounds like you really would rather leave him out of the picture entirely.....

You can have him relinquish his rights to the child, which means that you won't go after him for child support and he won't be responsible for the child at all. If he doesn't do this than at any point you can change your mind. Say your child is 10 and you want to go for back child support pay. He'll end up owing you thousands of dollars.
I would tell him that you're pregnant, just on pure ethics, which, if you're against abortion then it seems as though you would be consistent in telling your partner that he impregnated you, right?
I think not telling him can have serious affects on you, and it would be harder to tell him later than sooner.
I'm not making that judgment, everyone is different, but it might make things easier to be honest.

Answer 5

The pros and cons boil down to his reaction and the child's neds. Telling him now gives him a chance to be there (something he cannot reclaim later) and a chance to get used to the idea before he is saddled with a child support bill. Waiting means he loses any ability to be involved and to bond and will cause friction between the two of you who will still need to work together to provide for this child. Never telling him at all is cruel to him and to the child. You will never have to deal with him but your child will be missing that part of his/her life and Dad will never have the chance to show you or the baby what kind of man he is. The issues in each scenario are his lack of involvement and your lack of support vs the potential conflict in dealing with him. He needs to be told right away, it is his baby too. If you couldn't work together, you shouldn't have been in bed together.

Answer 6

It is never good to be dishonest about something like that. he is a legal adult and you (or whoever) do damage to yourself, him, AND the baby by not telling. There are no cons.
let him make the choice, but to keep a secret is so sick and wrong there are no words for it. NONE.

And yes, I believe abortion is murder. After having a child and seeing how they grow and develop in the womb even every day, i can't be pro-choice. Which I was for many years until i had a child and got educated on their development.

Answer 7

I will assume that for this hypothetical, we are trying to spare the father's future, by letting him finish school and not tell him.

I would say, it takes 2 to tango. He needs to know what is going on. I take it that you 2 aren't together any more and I imagine you don't see yourself being with him to raise this baby together. It's admirable that you are choosing the road less traveled, I think it's brave of you to consider waiting until the 19 year old is older to tell him about the child. But it is his right and responsibility to know about this baby and help with this baby. You don't know what his reaction will be. I would tell him calmly and rationally and let him know that you will wait until he is out of college to ask for child support (or whatever conditions appeal to you) because it's important to you for him to finish school.
If you take this self-less approach I think you may have the best results.
If your idea was just to never tell him because you don't want him to know at all, then... I think you need to look down the road to when you child asks you who her dad was... and then proceeds to search for him at 16.... you would be in for a world of hurt if you try to do it that way.
Good luck either way!!

Answer 8

hm.... well if you tell him later... he might be upset you took so long, and he might have wanted to be there for the pregnancy. If you tell him now, you never know what some guys would do... he could leave... or he might stay. Who knows? And yes, I think abortion is murder but I do think it's okay if you've been raped or something. Who would want to look in to the eyes of the man that raped you every single day, and more importantly, have his dna come out of your body? ew.

Answer 9

i think if you tell him when you have the baby it might be a BIGGER shock to him also he might feel left out. i would defiantly tell him asap if he is mature for his age then its time to live up to it. i don't think you should go alone with this you'll be needing all the support you can get.

abortion is murder and it doesn't matter if it's in the 5week or 12week.
morning after pill is not abortion cuz you din't conceived