I'm 32 & getting divorced. I have a 4 year-old that starts school soon. Should I go back to my maiden name?

Question

I REALLY don't want my husband's last name, but it's obviously my child's last name as well. Will it have a negative effect on my little girl if her mom has a different last name than she?

Answer 1

It's really up to you on what you want to do however, I'm divorced and remarried, and the teachers, principles, guidance counselors, other parents and kids still call me by my former husband's name. After over 5 years I just go with the flow. Some of the kids have changed by calling me Mrs D (Both last names start with D) so that's a little better. No matter what name you choose to use legally, be prepared to still be known as your daughter's last name.

As to effecting your daughter, I doubt it will have any huge effect..my kids think its funny and are usually the FIRST to correct their friends

Answer 2

Your 23, and you have just graduated from New York University where you studied journalism. Your room mate Amy always had boyfriends into your room, and you were really jealous of her because you only had one boyfriend the whole time you were at Uni and that was the first year you were there. He was called Christian and he was studying acting/directing. His best friend Jim was always nicer to you than he was, and you hadnt seen him for nearly 2 years, so you decide to call him. You meet up with him at a restuarant and you really get along, flirting and chatting all night. Eventually you start going out and afte a year he moves in with you. After 3 months of living together you fall pregnant with a baby boy. His middle name has to have something to do with your boyfriends name. Whats your baby's name? Jude Daniel (same initials) When your baby turns 2, your boyfriend proposed. How does he do it? Where? Where do you honeymoon and how long for? On ferris wheel, in Italy for 2 weeks On your honeymoon you get pregnant again... with twins! 2 boys. Their middle names begin with M. What are their names? Nicholas Micah & Alexander Mason When your children are 6 and 4, you take a vacation to Florida. On this holiday, you turn pregnant again! This time, with your first girl. Her first name is a family name and her middle name is your favourite name. Sofia Margaret Your husband unexpectedly loses his job, and you cant afford to keep your house, so he moves in with his friend and your oldest boy, and you take the twins and the newborn to your mums house where you will be living. With living apart, you dont see each other anymore, and you get a divorce. Soon after, you meet a new man. He works as a actor, but he lives in London. Do you move in with him, or do you buy a house together in your hometown? What is your new home like? How many bedrooms? Move in with him. Your partner really wants children, so you try to get pregnant, but it just isnt working. The doctors say you cant have anymore children, but aftter 4 months of trying, you have an unexpected shock pregnancy, you are so suprised! But you dont just have the one... You have 3! All girls. Their middle names are flowers, and their first names are your choice. Emmeline Rose, Mila Violet, & Anastasia Lily

Answer 3

As a child of divorced parents, I can tell you that it won't be much of a problem for the child if you have a different name. However, you may run into some problems for YOURSELF. In dealing with daycare, school, etc, it's often much easier if everyone has the same name. As long as you're willing to deal with an occasional headache in that area, feel free to change your name.

Answer 4

How long have you had your name? When my mother got divorced she kept his last name because she said she had his last name longer than her maiden name.

My son has a different last name than I do and its not problem. He's 5 and in kindergarten. The only thing I would recommend is when you have a family project that will be posted for the whole class to see...and you will...use both of your last names. Like the Smith-Jackson family. My son appreciated that.

Answer 5

I work with kids, my husband is a teacher. Neither of us have run across a kid hurt, shamed, or confused by having a different last name as their parent(s). It's totally understandable. Just try to explain it as simple as possible to her so she'll understand that mommy's name is different.

Answer 6

When you remarry your last name will change, so go back to your maiden name and become yourself again. that is what I am going to do. marriage ended after 18 years

Answer 7

Keep your name as is, same as your child's. I'm a teacher, and it's tough enough to deal with kids in school who are emotionally devastated for years over their parents' divorce, but it just adds to their injury when they don't feel they "belong" to both parents anymore. This is a real problem with kids at school, who may have only one parent's surname, a hyphenated name, and sometimes a totally different surname from the parents. This really affects them negatively, and parents really have to take things like this into serious consideration. You have already made enough mistakes, don't make more!

Answer 8

"Should" you change your name? No, "Can" you? Sure, and nobody here cares one way or the other.

But it is confusing to children when they have different names. Just be prepared to explain - upon your remarriage - why you then have different names. For now, why in the world would you want to introduce *anything* negative into your child's life?

Note to Cope Ace: You couldn't be more misguided. You *never* change the child's name. You're welcome to email me if you think I need to explain why.

Answer 9

There's no way to know that for sure.
It WILL make it more difficult for you, though.

I know how you feel, I HATED carrying my ex's name--fortunately, I remarried within a couple years, so it's now gone!

Is there any way you could change HER name to the maiden name?

Answer 10

Life happens and sometimes we just have to be adults and move on. It's refreshing to find a parent who is really concerned about the child here.

I suggest you suck it up and keep yours and hers the same.

Good Luck