Is it customary to give a baby shower for every pregnancy she has?

Question

I have always been told that it was customary to only have a baby shower for a first baby, unless other children were from a new marriage or the children were far apart. I recieved a shower invitation for my cousin, who is pregnant with her forth child. Her third was by her new husband and was about 8yrs. after the second. The third child is only 15 months old now. Though I had planned on getting her a gift for the birth, I was a bit surprised that she would be having a shower for a 4th baby. Is it now customary to have a shower for every pregnancy?

Its not that I have an issue with buying her a gift, because I would have anyways, and I do plan to go to the shower. Perhaps it was customary in the "old days" to only have one and maybe now in "modern" times, it is now considered customary to have a shower every time.

I just know, in my cousins situation, that she has numerous familiy members, not only from our side, but from her husbands side. She also has alot of friends and people she used to work with, so I know she wouldn't go without anything she would need for this baby. All these people would have gotten her something anyways for this baby, I am sure. I just didn't expect her to have an all out shower like she did with the other 3.

Ms. MMP, you said what I couldn't find a way to say. It just seems like showers are more for buying gifts and not so much just a celebration. From going to her other showers, it seems like people seem to compete to buy the best and most expensive. Its like everyone wants their gift to be the biggest and the best, and I remember from the last one that she got mulitple outfits that were duplicated, more clothes than that baby probably ever wore, and about 8 diaper bags. It just seems like sometimes it is more about who can out do who on the gifts and less about celebrating a new baby. I would think that instead of a shower, a welcome home party would be better, perhaps when the baby was a month old. That way everyone could see the baby, could give gifts that the mom really needs, and it would actually be more about celebrating the new baby and less about piling gifts on the mom.

Answer 1

No, it isn't customary. I think it is kind of tacky myself. I had a baby shower with my first child and with my third. Baby #1 and #2 were from my first husband. The third child was from my second husband. Your customary beliefs are correct by all means, some people just lack a little bit of etiquette.

Answer 2

I moved to a new town just after my 2nd child(now 3) was born. I was not planning on having any more kids for a while but I am now pregnant again. My new hubby and I have made a lot of new friends here and the ones that know I am pregnant(mainly my best friend and her older daughter) are already planning a baby shower for me. Which is a good thing because I loaned most of my stuff to my sister when she had her daughter and when she left her abusive boyfriend she left everything but her daughter behind and he either destroyed all of it or gave it away.
This baby shower that my friends are planning shows me that no matter how far away from home I am I still have a support group around me and I dont feel as home sick now as when I first learned that I was pregnant.
Show your cousin that you appreciate her by going to the shower. The gift doesnt have to be expensive. Give her what she will really need after the baby is born like diapers and baby wipes, or baby soap. One thing I have learned with my other two children, you can never have enough of any of these!

Answer 3

You'd be surprised, but this is a regional problem. Down here (Florida), people aren't as socially rigid and we throw showers a lot more. However, I agree it's tacky to get a 3rd or 4th shower, unless this is a "surprise" baby and the parents truly are unprepared and have a need for baby items they may have passed on to other family members over the years.

Our pastor's wife suddenly became pregnant with her 4th several years after her "last child". She was unprepared, so the church decided to throw her a shower. Then the baby came a month early, so she was REALLY grateful because premature babies require entirely different items sometimes. However, she didn't "expect" anyone to give her a shower; it was a generous offer from the church.

Find out what the mom may need (it's possible she's given away her other baby stuff) and give her a gift. Someone obviously offered to throw the shower; it's unlikely she demanded a 4th one.

Answer 4

It is true that etiquette says baby showers are only for a first baby, unless there are extenuating circumstances, such as you mentioned above. Having said that, I think that fewer and fewer people are subscribing to the conventional wisdom, and baby showers for "repeat" mommies are becoming more and more common.

I think what is customary is really a question of what is customary for your circle of friends and family. You said that you were planning on purchasing her a gift anyway, so why not go with an attitude of celebration and congratulation, without an eye on whether it's proper for her to be having another baby shower.

Personally, I think *every* baby deserves a celebration, and a baby shower is appropriate whether it is a first baby or a fifth. That is not to say that a shower is *required,* but just that I don't hesitate to attend a baby shower for a "repeat" mommy, regardless of the circumstances (children same sex, children close together, etc.) The only time a baby shower is entirely *inappropriate* is when it is given by the parent-to-be.

Answer 5

No, it's not, there is no reason to be given a baby shower with every pregnancy. In fact, it's quite.... well...unnecessary... Okay, the word I wanted, actually, was tacky... yes, I've edited the answer, LOL. It's almost like the mom is asking for a shower with every baby.

I would think that a woman whose first child is, like, around 13, and is pg again could be given a shower, since, in that case, she has no baby things anymore, and it's a lovely thought. Otherwise, I don't agree with the idea.

Buy the baby a gift at birth, by all means, but you needn't buy a gift for a shower.

Answer 6

I've always been told that you don't have a shower for multiple babies unless the babies are far apart in age... or if they are of different sex. A baby shower is a party for the mom and baby in order to get items that the baby will need that the mother doesn't have.
My sister had 2 babies back to back, and she didn't have a shower for the 2nd baby because she still had everything from the 1st baby.
However, my other sister is pregnant with her 3rd kid, and she is going to have a shower because her other 2 kids are almost teenagers and she doesn't have anything from when they were babies.
I hope this helps!

Answer 7

I don't think it matters. If the pregnant woman has people that care enough about her to throw her a shower every time, God Bless her. If not, then hey... I mean, when i have a shower, i won't be looking for presents or anything like that... we are going to have a big party just to celebrate the new baby just to have everyone together and have a good time before the baby comes. You know? I know customarily, people expect that the invited guests will bring presents for the baby or mother to be, but i dont know, i'm not like that. My family is very "party for everything" oriented just to celebrate, you know? That's just us...

Answer 8

i think the baby shower should be more about welcoming the new baby! yeah gifts are nice.. but i think it should be more about the new baby!! and it is a chance to get together w/ all of your friends and family one more time before the baby comes! because we all know that there is not alot of that time when the baby comes! but if people want to buy her new expensive stuff for the baby then let them..... i just hope that she passes all of her used stuff on to some one who is not so fortunate!

Answer 9

I thought you get to have a shower for every baby! There's always new technology and new products coming along. Most moms I know have a diaper party if they've had that many. There's not much else she could need.

Answer 10

You can have a baby shower for as many children as you want. You can have as many baby showers for one child. Lets try to be non conformist and say OH WHAT THE HECK to was it "customary"...and plus, I think baby showers is a time to celebrate the child being born.