I'm still in love with my ex!!?

Question

I was with him for 10 years and we had a daughter who is now 5. I left him because things went really wrong when we moved in together. He treated me like a child with money. What I always found difficult was his love of talking and flirting with other women. He loved attention from women and they were always putty in his hand although he would flatly deny this. Anyway, I left. Now the dust has settled - 3 years down the line - I find I can't stop loving him. He doesn't have another partner and asks me for kisses and cuddles and will call in to see me. He says he doesn't want us to get back together. I feel it wouldn't be a good idea anyway. I'm trying to forget him and move on but feel terribly lonely. To make it worse, he has a great social life and has many women friends who, as before, enjoy the attention he pays to them. I feel so hurt and eaten up with jealousy. I need to get away from him but we have to see each other because of our daughter. I have given him all the power.

Answer 1

Yes you have , and time to take it back. You deserve to be loved and treated with respect, and his flirting with other women and giving you dual messages is confusing and selfish. You get the power back, by never entertaining the thought of him in your head, and only remember the bad stuff which is the real stuff. Any women deserves better than this, and I can tell you this... anyone who gets involved with him will be humiliated to the same extent. Trust me on this, dont deceive yourself to think otherwise. I pray for you a love, so peaceful and loving you will never ever regret this guy being tossed to the curb, you did the right thing.

Answer 2

Sadie, he is a player and he knows exactly how to play you. These type of men should not be given any power because they will use this on vulnerable women all the time. You need to make it very clear to him that there will be no more kisses and cuddles coming from you. You 2 only talk about your daughter. You need to get a life for yourself. You need to be good to yourself so you don't end up with men like this in the future. Don't let your daughter see you like this. I know you don't want her to end up with a man who is a player because of the example you gave her. She is 5 and very impressionable. Set a good example for her and don't let her see you giving any man power that you gave her father.
Best of luck

Answer 3

There's no reason to be jealous... especially now that he's your ex. When you were with him, you should have just told him striaght out that it's disrespectful to your relationship to flirt with other women, and if he's so insecure that he needs attention from other women to feel good about himself, then it's going to destroy the relationship, so he's going to have to choose.

That being said, it's too late for him to choose. It doesn't sound like you can be friends because you have not let you're romantic feelings for him go, and he's a shameless flirt and tries to rekindle these feelings in you to validate himself. Why do you care about his social life? Good for him. He has a great social life, but he can't hold onto the love of one good woman because he's too needy.

Stop living in a fantasy. So you have to see each other sometimes because of your daughter? Set some boundaries for goodness sake. Tell him he's disrespecting you now when he flirts with you, and if he had any respect for you at all, he'd cut that crap out. Allow yourself to get angry if he doesn't respect your needs and your boundaries.

Then just move on for goodness sake. Life is too full of too many wonderful people that you are too busy excluding because you are wound up in knots over one failed relationship. You learn from your failures (in this case you know that you need to be respected, and that you cannot tollerate a man for is flirting with other women), you pick yourself up, and then you try again. Eventually, you'll figure out how to be successful.

Answer 4

Your ex is very insecure to needs all this attention from other women. And, I am sure, during your marriage, he made YOU out to be the insecure one right? Typical. What he did to you during your relationship was about his issues, and he made you feel unnattractive by doing all that he did to feed his own ego. But, of course, they always want to blame others for their own insecurity. He requires alot of attention from women, and trust me, there are a ton of people out there like this. He was probably neglected as a child, or raised in a one parent household, or maybe even abused. He is starving for attention!!! What I would do for yourself, is build a life for yourself, and don't call him. Set things up in advance, perhaps thru email regarding your daughter, and don't look to find out anything that he is doing with other women. Who cares? Even though you still do, it doesn't help you to know.
It only hurts and right now, you need to heal your wounds. Don't ever let them see how hurt you are. Especially when they don't care. And, using guilt won't get you want you want.
Pulling away from it, and working on yourself is what will work.

Answer 5

you definately do need to move on ...meet other ppl...you're missing him because you're so lonely right now..and He Knows it*
you left for a reason, focus on that. he will always be this way and is enjoying his life...you need to start enjoying yours. Once you can get out and meet ppl...things will change for you* Your ex can still visit with his daughter...but there will be another man on the scene in your life...and you won't feel this way towards your ex anymore..(mind you...if that were to happen, it will be him that is eaten up ..never thinking you'd meet someone again and fall in 'love'.) he is just messing around with different women...doesn't want a commitment....and would never think you could fall for someone else* Time to move on girl, take your power back*

Answer 6

I`m sorry for what is following but someone has to say it:
..Snap out of it!...He doesn't want to get back and you don't want to get back...period. You don`t love him, you`re missing the closeness and he`s the last memory you have of that feeling. The best thing to forget a man is another man! You`re in a very low place at the moment, you don`t have friends you`re alone thinking about the past, put an end to it! Go out there, meet men, go speed dating, ask people you know to set you up on blind dates, make your life as exciting as you want it to be don`t wait for anyone to do it for you!

Make a point of honor of not looking into his personal life, it`s not your concern anymore and put an end to the cuddling and kissing. He`s got plenty of female friends for that already. Treat him with respect as he should be as your ex and the father of your child no more. Good luck.

Answer 7

Yea, i have had "young love" i am only 13. but listen to what i have to say. You really need to gain the power back. You are feeling a lot of pressure right now. probably because of your job, daughter, ex-husband. like i said. gain the power back. dont deny your feelings for your ex because it is hard to give up something that you have had for 10 years. See, this is what you should do. No matter how hard it is to open up to him you should tell him how you feel about everything: your relationship, daughter, and other things you might want to talk about. tell him about your jealousy. which you should give that up. and then try out a new outfit or hairstyle and go out there and look. ( for someone) i learned the hard way. if you love someone you gotta let him/her go. but if it is true love him/her would come back. maybe something is going on with him. and he needs to open up too. the whole thing about you two guys is that you dont communicate to the extent that you need to. just try it okay?

Answer 8

He doesn't want to get back together and you say it wouldn't be a good idea so you are both agreed on that.

He has shown that he can accept the situation and has involved himself with other friends of the opposite sex.
I may be wrong, but the tone of your post suggests you haven't. That is what needs to happen.

If you are sitting at home, all alone, brooding, then you won't get over it and move on like he has done.

You need other friends, partners to be involved with so you don't keep thinking about the past and a failed relationship.

Just my 50p worth!


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Answer 9

Wow this is tough one because you have a daughter. I guess if I was in this sitaution, which I am absolutely not, I would tell him that he needs to stay away unless he is coming to get his daughter. He doesn't need to call unless it is about your daughter. He doesn't need to just drop in, or give you compliments, nothing. He needs to only speak to you about the child. Anything else, he needs to keep his mouth shut. Let him know that you are not interested, and you are trying to get rid of the feelings you have for him, and he needs to do this. If he is understanding at all, then he will not do the same things. If you don't want to do that, because he mike like knowing he has you wrapped around his finger, then just tell him that he doesn't need to do anything with you unless your child is involved.

Answer 10

you might not be still "in love with him", it might just be because you are lonley or have spent so long with him. it's quite common for some time after a break up to still have feelings, after all, where would all the love go ? maybe you could get away from him for a few weeks with or without your daughter to figure out how you feel.
but if you know that you shouldn't get back with him (he sounds like he doesn't respect women and is bad for you) then there isn't a lot you can do other than try to get over him...try dating other men who deserve you if you feel ready. every woman deserves respect. good luck !