I've been seeing her for nearly 3 months, and it was going great, then she gave birth a weeks ago. She didn't even know she was pregnant as she was still having periods. But I know the little girl ain't mine, because I didn't know my gf 9 months ago. So what should I do?
Run - leave her a single mother, break her heart as she says i mean everything to her.
Stay - But be stuck with a kid already at only 18.
2007-04-27 23:06:20 · 36 answers · asked by Rich 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
This happened to my mom, so I think I might be able to give you a "kids" point of view. My mom had me young and her boyfriend at the time was not my dad. Him and her dated for a few years till I was 5, but then they split up.
My mom and I lived in our own apartment and you know they would go out and take me with them. I didn't really have a attachment to him, because I knew he wasn't my dad. My mom told me from a young age he wasn't and he was more like a friend in my eyes.
I guess my point is this. If you stay with this girl, let her know how you feel. Tell her you are not going to be a dad to this child but you will be a friend to him/her. This way she knows where you are coming from and ya'll can talk about it. Don't look at it like gaining a kid you have to take care of but gaining a friend.
2007-04-27 23:18:36 · answer #1 · answered by sevenelizabeth 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
OK, well I just want to say that you've only been together for 3 months, that's hardly enough time to get to know somebody. So I would say if you really like her you could stay but then she might become dependent on you and try to have you be the father in which if I were you there's no way I would take that responsibility . If you break up with her no real harm done. I'm sorry it's really hard to believe that she didn't know that she was pregnant for 9 months. I am pregnant with my first and trust me you would know... what did she think was the cause for the bump? Or if she didn't have a bump (which is not likely with a 6 pound give or take baby in you) what was the cause for the other things that happen? I'm sorry, I would probably already have a trust issue with her on this seeing it's kinda difficult to not know your body has a human in it. Good luck!
2007-04-27 23:21:39 · answer #2 · answered by love_ridden_85 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure the little girl is also hers? If you went out with her in the past three months, then you should know that she's pregnant! Didn't you notice her big belly the first time you went out with her? She would have been six months pregnant then, it would have shown even if she claimed that she has been getting her periods. And didn't you notice that it kept getting bigger until she gave birth? Or maybe she had pre-term labor and had the baby at 7 months, but still the belly would have shown. Were you there when she gave birth so you are sure that they baby is really hers?
First make sure that the little girl is also hers (you really dont know, you only knew her for 3 months, that's not enough time to know if a person is capable of lying). Once you've established that the baby is hers, then you have to decide if you want to be a father to a child that is not your own.
2007-04-28 00:52:46 · answer #3 · answered by Toffee Nut 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It happens very often: a lot of women still have periods while they're expecting baby. But that usually happens the first months of the pregnancy - until the body get used to the new condition. So, it was possible for her not understand that she was pregnant even that there are many "signs" (for example, you eat more, sometimes you feel week, you take pounds, etc).
The problem is that the new-born girl isn't yours and you are only 18 years old. In my opinion you are too young to take the decision to accept this baby as yours. If you are really fall in love with her you can still be with her (as a usual boyfriend) and help her raise HER child. But only if you are really fall in love and not because she says that you mean everything to her.
You know, we all make mistakes but WE are responsible for them - if your girlfriend didn't take care of her actions and now is a single mother, that's not your fault. You can stand by her but this doesn't mean that you have to be the father of that child!
As you say "at only 18": at this age people are mature for bringing up a kid only if they really want it and not because it just happens. If they don't want to, they become unhappy; and also bad parents! At this age the most normal thing to do is to register yourself in a university, is to travel, is to have fun with your friends, is to take a part-time job and spread the money for your own desires., is to meet people and, why not, more girls!
As I said before, the decision is absolutely yours!!!
But ONLY yours!!!
2007-04-28 00:11:17 · answer #4 · answered by Irma 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hard question. Who is the father?? Is he going to be part of the childs life? Do you love her? Kids are really hard work but the rewards are amazing. I really feel for your girlfriend what a scary situation to be in. This is something you really have to decide yourself rather than asking complete strangers on the internet. Is it possible for you to love this child like your own? I had a friend in a similar situation a few years ago, although he met her and then she found out she was pregnant after so they had a while to adjust to the idea, not quite the shock you two recived. However my point was he hung around because he loved his girlfiend, they're married now and the little girl is 7. She's amazing and they are the best family unit i've ever seen. Turned out he couldn't have kids so his "daughter" is an amazing thing in his life that he wouldn't of had without the decsion to stick it out. Each situation is different assess yours on your own ideals.
2007-04-27 23:19:42 · answer #5 · answered by kalihas_mum 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I sadly had all three of my sons cut. But in my defense the nurses told me that if it got infected that they could become impotent and or sterile so their moms and I agreed to it. Sadly hindsight is 20/20. And I regret having it done. And as for FGM that is just wrong they do this to young women and if I am not mistaken they cut away the clitoris. Those poor women not only have to suffer through the mutilation but they cannot enjoy sex much if at all. As far as male circumcision I can see how parents could be duped into it. But I have never heard of a woman getting an infection because she has a clitoris. The cultures that do this are truly barbaric. I am glad I found an issue I can agree with the feminists about. It is nice to know we have some mutual ground we can stand on. ANd the answers to this queation thus far have been top notch.
2016-05-20 22:18:25 · answer #6 · answered by gisele 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That would be pretty messed up to leave just because she has a kid. She didnt know she was pregnant. If she is as young as you are, she needs all the support you can get. Just because you stay with her doesn't mean you'll be the one raising the kid. Its a part of life. But do what your heart towards your girlfriend telsl you. Would you be staying with her if seh didnt' have a kid??? Or is your relationship not that stable in the first place. Just remember even if you choose to leave her, dont leave on bad terms, she'll still need support...emotionally.
2007-04-28 02:05:30 · answer #7 · answered by Haley 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long ago did y'all find out she was pregnant; in other words, how much time did you have to prepare for this birth?
I can't even begin to imagine suggesting what you should do when it comes to staying or leaving, but I think what it boils down to is what your feelings are for your girlfriend. Had you hoped for a future with her? Do you live together? Is she someone you would consider settling down with eventually if she HADN'T been pregnant?
This is gonna require you to do a lot of soul-searching.
If you're not ready for this, I wouldn't drag it out...I know you don't want to hurt her, but again, this is a hell of a situation and you've got some major decisions to make.
I really do feel for you, and I hope that no matter what decision you make, it's one that feels right in your heart for YOU and if you do that, everything else will fall into place.
((((HUGS))))
2007-04-27 23:14:43 · answer #8 · answered by Jennifer M 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This is a difficult decision for you, but think about it this way. if the baby hadnt come along would you still wanna be with your girlfriend? If so then think about how different having a child will be for the two of you.
it takes a strong man to stand by a woman, with a child that aint theres. im not saying that leaving ur gf is a cowards way out but just that it take alot. if you dont think that youve got that then its best that you go now. before the mother gets too used to having someone there for her (as this will make it harder for her) and the baby getting attached to. talk about how you feel with ur girlfriend.
best of luck
2007-04-27 23:31:59 · answer #9 · answered by galaxy_callen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
taking on the responsibility of someone elses child is very hard to do. if you think you love her and want to be with her then stay but remember you have got 2 people to worry about. if something happens 6 months from now remember you have 2 peoples feelings to worry about when you leave. if it was me i would tell her that you guys need to just date and not get really serious in this because of the feelings that are involved. that little girl will really hurt if you leave after she gets alittle older, because kids now everything and they have feelings too.
2007-04-27 23:20:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋