why would my husband keep a photo album from his first marriage?

Question

i recently found this photo album from my husbands first marriage. we've been together for almost 4 yrs.

Answer 1

Only he can answer this question but let me give you a few things to think about. When we develop serious relationships with people we also develop emotional bonds. Even when the relationship ends that person is a part of their history. Good or bad we tend to hold on to things and as time goes on they hold less importance or emotional attachments.

Women in particular attach emotions to just about everything and anything. Whenever something triggers our emotions we tend to react. My suggestion would be to mention it in passing like I ran across this while looking for something and see what he says. That could lead into why if not it certainly opens the door in a non-judgemental or threatening way for him to explain what it means to him.

Even though he's with you now, remember she's a part of his history.

Answer 2

Finding an old photo album is no the same as finding a slip of paper with a lady's phone number on it.

For one thing, he may not realize he has the album. When they move, lots of guys just throw everything in boxes and forget about them.

Second, there may be photos in there of people (other than his first wife) that mean something to him. Destroying the album may destroy his emotional connection to those other people. (And quite frankly, it is up to him to dispose of the album, not you.)

And third, as others have already said here, that is just part of the story of his life. Should he deny that he ever was married before to another woman? Years from now when he dies, should you or others conveniently forget to mention that fact in his obituary? Should friends never be told he was married before?

Don't try to erase your husband's past. He had one long before he married you. He is a person in of himself. His personhood is his alone and not dependent on you. Getting married does not erase a man or woman's individuality. You and he are a couple but he is still an individual.

Answer 3

A marriage lost is still a part of your past based on loving a person. This may be a good sign that your husband has a sentimental side. Just embrace his past as he does and this will engender more love between the two of you. It is no shame in being interested in what was important to him even if it was an ex-wife. When I look at a lovers past I wonder how has this relationship shaped her. This can become a way to bring the two of you together instead of pushing you apart if you reframe it the right way.

There is no reason for you to be intimidated by his first wife if all he has of her is the photo album. It doesn't sound like he is trying to rekindle his past. In my opinion you will make a bigger deal out of the situation if you start acting like a jealous immature child.

Me, I like hearing all about my girls past even what she liked about her past lovers. Being highly secure in your own self can be very sexy to a lover. We all have a past and it makes not sense to act like it never happened. Be the adult in all your actions and interest of you hubby's past. He is now married to you so let him be married without any worries about your reactions to his past.

Answer 4

I keep some photos of my exes including my ex-husband in my photo album because I don't hate any of them and they're a part of my past- part of the story that brought me to where I am today. And someday when I'm sitting in my rocker at the nursing home looking back on my life, I think I'll want to remember their faces and the happy times we had. Sure, things went wrong and the romance didn't work out, but that doesn't mean I want to tear up their pictures and pretend they never existed at all.

Answer 5

So what is the problem. The album represents memories or chapters of one's past.

I keep albums of my highschool, college, and photos of all the girls I dated and happened to have pictures of. I didn't show my wife or talk about each girl when he was my girlfriend or after married because those were my past and before we met. It's not like I keep up contact with these people of the past. I have nothing to hide.

However, I do show my old album to my kids with the intention for them to see my parents, my early years, and with humor my former girlfriends. My 19 yr old daughter loved hearing stories.

Answer 6

Just because his 1st marriage didn't work out, doesn't mean he has to get rid of everything.

Photo's are memories. Doesn't mean he wishes to be there and doesn't mean he dwells over it. Just means, memories of the photo's is okay to have. Especially if they share kids toghether so he can pass it down later on for example.

Just have to remember he is with you and if he isn't pondering over them (doubt he is or you would of found them long time ago), then there is nothing to worry about.

I have things from relationships i had as a teenager still. Doesn't mean I love them. Just was a gift and a memorie shared.

Answer 7

From personal experience I'll tell you. I still have my wedding album from my now divorced, annuled marriage. Why? Well, I spent 2grand on it. There are many nice pictures of family and friends in it, esp. pics of my dad, who passed on shortly thereafter. I also don't know what the hell to do with it. I never look at it, yet can't bring myself to destroy it, knowing it's $ value, frozen moments of cherished family, etc.

Your being overly self concious and with justification. Remember, it's part of his life. That won't ever change. What has changed is that he's made YOU his wife. He's chosen you, loves you and wants your support as opposed to arguing about a silly picture of a woman that made his life miserable.

Keep that in mind. Tell him it's fine to keep it but you'll kill him if he puts it on the wall. I guarantee, he'll rarely if ever look at it.

Overcome the self questioning thoughts that'll lead you to insanity. He's chosen you for a reason. Don't make him wonder why he did. It's not him being disrespectful. This I can sincerely say.

Many many more complicated probs in life. This isn't one of them, though I know where your coming from. ;)

Answer 8

Perhaps because it was part of his life ! Perhaps he wasn't born when he met you ! To even ask this question shows you have issues. The question should be , why wouldn't he ? I wouldn't think a marriage had a chance that included a partner that thought the world should start with them . I feel sorry for your man. And you, I hope you get what all selfish people get, which is nothing that satisfies them.

Answer 9

Because good or bad, they are memories that occurred during his life...It is also a way for future generations to try to keep track of their ancestry by creating and passing down family albums..

Answer 10

It doesn't necessarily mean anything. Was it hidden? Did he have kids with this woman, and are pictures of all of them in there? He may have had it after his divorce, and then just put it away and forgot about it. But if you think it is something he likes to reminisce over from time to time, then that would be a concern.