How do I get rid of Mercury the Messenger?

Question

Mercury delivered some roses from FTD, decided he liked the place, and moved into the cabana by the pool in the back, coming out each morning to sun himself in the deck chairs. How do I send him back to Mt Olympus without too much fuss?

Answer 1

Please call 1-800-Flowers - see if they'll deliver some kind of Mercury pesticide.

Have a lovely rest of the evening.

Answer 2

First of all, start performing alchemical experiments. then try draining the pool.

Now, if these -both- fail, you need to organise a whole lot of rain. May I suggest a series of picnics, pool parties and games of cricket against the Australian team and start to beat them.

If those -don't- work, ask him to teach you the proper art of pickpocketing, and keep bugging him on general "How to be the best thief ever" thing, he seems to really ahte any form of work.

Answer 3

When he comes out to sunbathe and falls asleep in the deck chair, snip the little wings off the heels of his sandals. He'll leave in a huff. Worked for me when he moved into my spare bedroom.

Answer 4

Are you sure you really want this??? The only way to get rid of Mercury is to ask him to go retrograde... and THAT is a mess worse than the overt troubles you're getting now, as then it is disguised... eh?

Answer 5

Start using DHL or Airborne Express!

Answer 6

Ask him what Hercules is really like and does he have his phone number. He hates that.

or ask him about his real feelings. guaranteed guy repellent.

Answer 7

give him a parcel and tell him to deliver it to your worst enemy, or a gang member in east L.A.

Answer 8

stop all arts and crafts and stop all trade and commerce in the area and he should leave.

Answer 9

I beg you! Don't kill the messenger!!!!