what to do about a depressed wife?

Question

My wife is depressed. she's turning 30 and has gained some weight and has a stressful job right now. she wants to be left alone but then she doesn't and yells at me when I think she needs space instead of me being there. Then when I come in to be there she acts uninterested and I stop giving her affection. Then she says well you came in and now your not giving me any. It's driving me nuts. How can I cope with this? I'm patient but she's driving me nuts. It's like everything she does she projects onto me the I actually become that person

Answer 1

well im a depressed wife and working on it..i finally decided to see a psychiatrist to help deal with the depression and other issues that happened as a child..which is ptsd..you really cant do anything about it except tell her how this is effecting you and your marriage and it's ultimately up to her to seek the help.maybe you both could go..im what you would call a work in progress but i am feeling much better and working through my ordeal..for your own insanity tell her and maybe you should go and seek counseling just to ease your mind..its always good to talk to someone who sees things in an objective non judgmental way..good luck hun..----and in referring to the comment above depression is not a sign of weakness nor are you crazy..and its unfortunate that people have that stigma towards people who are depressed or have other mental health issues. also depression can cause weight gain or loss, and obviously she has gained and its not helping her self image so try to encourage her to seek help..to be honest she may not be happy about anything no matter what changes she makes until she is able to talk about the issues that are upsetting her..seek counseling

Registerd Nurse

Answer 2

Something is very wrong and she needs some professional help. You can't let her mood swings change who you are. Be as patient as you can, but get her some help. There is more going on than her turning 30 and gaining some weight. We all have these issues and stressful jobs at times and cope without destroying the family. You need to work together on this if you can. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Is she depressed or is she really just mad at herself? It might be the extra wt, or because her job is stressful. Maybe she needs to look for a new job or do something to fix this one. The wt. she needs to decide also. These are problems that only she can fix. You are there to listen if she needs you too. If you love her, a hug/kiss everyday lets her know that you are still there for her no matter what. If nothing works, she may need a doctor so meds can be given for depression. Hang in there. Remember, Better or Worst.

Answer 4

Bless your heart she needs a time out. Get her to take vacation and take her some where romantic just the 2 of you try to relax her. If that don't work you take one and relax your self some times I know womens moods can be rought i am one. But I feel for the man that has to stand by while were being crazy. Just tell here to tell you when she's ready and go do something else. Tell her you can't read her mind and you want to be what she needs but her moods are so here and there you can only do what she needs you to only if she tells you. Be supportive but don't be a door mat it you really try and she still acts nuts tell her to pull her head out her butt and get help. Good luck.

Answer 5

this is a great question but yet a very hard question...i have manic depression (bipolar II) and i sound like your wife and i put my husband through Hell also..i think you need to go to a support group if you are really committed to being with her and understanding that she doesn't mean to act like she does..she definitely does not do it on purpose and shes not trying to drive you nuts..try doing some research on line about major depression..even try seeing a counselor (hopefully she is seeing one and is on medication) or ask her if you can go to one of her counseling sessions with her to understand her better..that will probably mean a lot to her. Depression is a disease just like cancer or diabetes. She cannot help what is going on right now..sometimes she will be in control of herself and her feelings and sometimes she wont..someday she will be in more control of her disease..
as for me i am not in control of it yet either so hubby is going as crazy as you if not crazier..but good luck..educate yourself with others who have depression and on the illness itself and listen to her..don't offer suggestions or solutions..just listen and let her know your listening

Answer 6

Have her go to the Doctor or a Mental Health Specialist and get evaluated..

Answer 7

just keep trying and dont give up. I was depressed at one point in my marriage, and my husband made a huge point across..he basically said, in a firm voice...Depression is all mental, Its all in your head and if you cant control yourself, then your just not that strong person I thought you were. So knock it off! Dont be weak like other people out there. I married you for a reason. And I'm all better now! I hope this approach helps you.

Answer 8

Tell her how you really feel but don't be to forward. Women can be very sensitive. Make sure she knows that you are going to be by her side through everything.

Answer 9

It`s the weight....us women we take a few pounds and it`s on our mind none stop, we feel bad about ourself and we have no patience.....tell her to snap out of it! you don`t have to suffer because of her lack of self discipline.

Once I had gain weight and I was unpleasant to my husband and he told me in a very straight forward way: ....You`re not happy with yourself well do something about it! and I lost 50lbs in a blink of an eye.

She needs to understand that she can not stay in that trans she is in and make your life miserable. She`s got to identify her problem and get busy solving it.

Good luck.

Answer 10

she needs 2 go talk 2 a professional, sugar...