I don't understand men....Why do ya'll hurt the ones who love you the most and say I never meant to hurt you in the same breath?????? Then expect to be forgiven and given second chances? I just found out my husband been cheating on me for 9 months...I'm trying to understand his reasoning for cheating....The mistress says she's in love with him but he said he told her what she wanted to hear so he can get what he wanted....I don't see it that way...I believe he has feelings for this women even thought he told me it was just sex for him. Do men really have sex without feelings????
2007-04-27 15:27:37 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Together 7 yrs total...1 child
2007-04-27 15:42:34 · update #1
Second chances rarely work, because the cheating is like an addiction in many, if not most cases. Yes, the man's feelings are often quite different than the woman's, though I have known some women that didn't have emotional attachment to sex either. On understanding his reasons....Good Luck. It is likely that he doesn't have a good grasp on them himself. They probably revolve around the thrill of the chase, or he got himself into a situation he didn't know how to get out of without losing face, or it started out that he just wanted something different, but didn't want to just stop. There are probably over a hundred scenarios like that. Most are just excuses for having an addiction, just like drugs, alcohol, video games, porn, etc.
NONE of them have to mean that he doesn't love you. Unfortunately, it means that his idea of expressing that love is different than yours, in that fidelity is not a requirement, due to his addictive behavior.
It boils down to can he convince you that he will not err again, AND can you both live with the hurt he has caused and the inevitable distrust and insecurity that will exist for years, if not for decades. If it works out, giving a second chance with conditions will be worth it. If not, you will both be miserable until one or both of you will not fight for your relationship anymore.
Hmmm, so in answer to your final question, it kinda depends on your definition of "feelings". Yes, a man can have sex without feelings. Can he with the same woman for 9 months? Yes and no. No, there will be some feelings, but to him, they do not really have to be deep enough to cause him significant hurt, if any, if the relationship is cut off.
Hope that sheds a little light. If not, contact me for clarification.
2007-04-27 15:52:50 · answer #1 · answered by joeiselvis 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your kind of looking for an answer that's pointing the finger at men .Well some men can and some men cant the same way it goes for woman . I think you and allot of others in here need to realize that man and woman are the same species . I'm 51 and in my life Ive encountered allot of the human male species some where good and some where bad same with the human female species but i have never encountered them to think exactly alike male or female .
I don't believe that your husband meant to hurt you but he wasn't thinking about you when he was with her he had the mistress on his mined and after 9 months being that he is a human he must of developed some sort of feeling for her . Being that you are a human also if you where sleeping with another human for 9 months would you develop some sort of feeling with that person ? If you can see the logic there and figure out that question that i just asked you, you will fined your answer.
2007-04-27 23:05:26 · answer #2 · answered by dad 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't fully fit your ideal person to answer this, I am a man who has been cheated on.
Let me tell you that women also say these same things also.
The reality of the situation is a lack of respect no matter if it is a man or a woman cheating on their spouse. The respect is not there for you, the person who they cheated with or for them-self.
Usually when someone cheats in a marriage, it is because communication has broken down and the two people don't know how to tell each other what they are wanting or needing. It also comes from a deeper place inside of themselves. They have always felt inadequate in them-self and think that by being with another man or woman, they can fulfill their wants and needs. By doing this they put them-self first, and the one they love second. In a real and loving relationship, you always put yourself last and the one you love first.
2007-04-27 22:45:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there's drugs and liquor involved than yes. Not all men are dogs and even the so called dogs have some kind of feelings about the girl they have sex with. You dont have to love the person to have sex with them. Dont give this guy a second chance cause if you do he'll probably do it again and the next thing you know he'll be walking all over you. The only way I can see a woman trying to work it out is if theres a child involved ....if not its fair game!
2007-04-27 22:34:43 · answer #4 · answered by /N/I/C/K/ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, men can have sex without feelings. Its a difference between men and women. Men have to get release. Plus we are shallow. And desparate. I don't know why women want to be their man's only sexual outlet. I guess its just a biological difference. Try not to feel hurt, it doesn't reflect anything negative about you or his emotional attachment to you. I think the natural state would be more fluid marriages if you know what I mean--people would partner as long as they wanted, then move on, hopefully remaining friends.
2007-04-27 22:37:25 · answer #5 · answered by jxt299 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The same can be said about women. So the question is not about men, it's about why married people still have affairs and try to wiggle out the mess.
2007-04-27 22:40:18 · answer #6 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes, men can have sex without getting emotionally involved. Sex for men is a biological need.
but i'm not sure this is the case with your husband. he's been having a relationship with her for almost a year. there's GOT to be some kind of feelings there. (or the sex is just AMAZING!)
2007-04-27 22:39:44 · answer #7 · answered by mesquitemachine 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Get a divorce and take him to the cleaners, maybe the next time he wants to cheat he will think with his head that is on his shoulders and not the little one between his legs
2007-04-27 22:59:50 · answer #8 · answered by droopydog88 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, we have sex without feelings. But when we are in love, we don't cheat. your man doesn't love you or he wouldn't be doing this to you.
2007-04-27 23:18:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
the problem is he does have feelings for her but he loves you and probaly lost intrest and cant leve because he either dont want anyone else to have you or he feels to guilty to leve you dont want to see you hurt like that
2007-04-27 22:33:45 · answer #10 · answered by james b 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋