My boyfriend has been granted every other weekend with his son. Recently his son’s mother told us that their son feels uncomfortable with me and does not want to come over because I am around. My boyfriend and i recently moved in together and it seems like his son and son's mother are upset about it. Anyhow, she has requested that my boyfriend find other living arrangements during the assigned weekends or she will not allow his son to see his father due to her not wanting her son to feel uncomfortable around me. Can she do that? Can she really go to court and demand that my presence be eliminated during their visits? If so do you suggest that we please her to keep things civil? What can we do with out making a big spectacle and returning to court? Or is the only way to handle this is by going to court?
2007-04-27 14:55:17 · 13 answers · asked by karen g 3 in Politics & Government ➔ Law & Ethics
I understant that he does not feel comfortable because this is new to him. We have been together for 2 1/2 yrs. I want to have a relationship with his son because he is part of my boyfriends life. I am really nice to him and never disrespect him. If my relationship with my man is going to work out i have to atleast have some kind of relationship with his son.
2007-04-27 15:23:26 · update #1
A lot of responses are making it seem like i am a bad person for trying to get in the way.... truly ..that is not my intention ...is it really wrong for me to try? Even when it is his weekend , i stay away and let them do their own thing ....i only see them like 10 percent of the time...i dont try to tag along its just that now she is making it seem like i am the reason he wont see his son...i would never and never have asked him to choose between his son and i... She asked him "who was more important his son or me" he responde that his son was and it sems like now she is forcing him to proove it by forcing him to choose, If i have to i will back off i would never do anything to ruin their relationship but enough is enough.
2007-04-27 15:32:43 · update #2
BROTHERSCAIN: in regards to ur answer... so u want me to move out of my own place disregarding all the rent i have paid and money invested to decorate MY apartment and tell my boyfriend that since she is not over him and is using her sun as a crutch to hurt him we should braek up and forget all we have gone through....kidney transplant and all!!well i thank you for taking the time to offer your advise but i am not going to marry him just so she can be forced to accept my presence. i highly doubt her son is the one with the problem deep down inside she is the one who is butt hurt that it is not her in my place... she has said it before ..that he was an a** to her and he will never change..that im am just another girl in his life ...now that we moved in together she wants to start saying that her son feels uncomfortable...why didnt he feel unconfortable before we moved in together? when it was his weekend they were still always at my old apartment when i lived alone....
2007-04-27 23:16:20 · update #3
Well you have a hard situation on your hands because a lot of females use there children to get back at their ex so you both have to decide first if the child is genuinely uncomfortable with you or is it the mother's influence and if as adults you all can sit down and have conversation. Because if you both are serious about ya'll's relationship they are both going to have to get use to the idea of you. If it can not be resolved reasonably then depending on the state there are a number of options you all can take to get the custody situation fixed. If he is paying child support and has no background there is no cause for a court to place limitations on his visitation schedule. She is threatening y'all to try to scare you . I say try to be adult first but if not pull her card and hire a lawyer.
Well I think you are totally right to stand your ground. These people out here on yahoo are crazy if they can not see that this chick is just using her son to munipulate the situation. Like I said you and your man need to have a convo about the entire situation because I have been in your shoes and trust it is going to get ugly if someone doesn't start talking. My ex-husband let his baby momma ruin our wedding because she did not like me so during the ceremony she came and took her son out of my wedding party and made a big scene. Obviously your man did change for the better otherwise you would not be with him. I 'll pray for you tonight
2007-04-27 15:08:11 · answer #1 · answered by Daphne M 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You asked "Can she really go to court and demand that my presence be eliminated during their visits?"
Answer: yes. She can demand all she wants. It is the outcome of that demand that is uncertain.
You said that the mother has put visitation conditions on the father or "she will not allow his son to see his father due to her not wanting her son to feel uncomfortable around me. Can she do that?"
Answer: The father should have a copy of the visitation court orders. If this is not a part of the conditions set by the court, then no. The conditions can be very specific or somewhat vague. The only way to answer this question correctly is to refer to the court order.
You asked "What can we do with out making a big spectacle and returning to court? "
Answer: you answered this one yourself with the question you asked just before you asked this question. You said "we [should] please her to keep things civil."
Like it or not, the mother (in this case) has the power to make visitations easier or tougher. You stepped into someone else's mess when "My boyfriend and I recently moved in together."
You ask for advice and so I offer mine. I suggest that you move out and find another place to live, or, marry this man.
If you marry him, then you two become "one" and the conditions the mother wants to place on the visitations would not be enforcable. However, your "problem" with the baby mother would not go away, and could even become more strained.
If you moved out, and even found another life; one that is fresh and not cluttered up with broken promises and vows, hurt feelings and broken hearted children; you may find happiness. At least you odds of finding happiness would go way up.
2007-04-27 19:13:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
karen,
I don't know you, but you sound like a reasonable, sensible person. It's strange how legal issues when applied to social situations can make things so difficult. As one of the other answerers said, the child is the main concern. I guess no one realizes that any child would be uncomfortable around someone that isn't their mom and yet is in their fathers life. The youngster needs a dad and you have the dad. My suggestion would be for you to be the 'bigger' person and work around the childs' request. What I mean is that you have legal rights and could make a real mess out of this situation or you could (for the child and your boyfriends sake) allow the child some private time with dad. You'll be glad some day that you made the effort to 'get along'.
2007-04-27 15:14:04 · answer #3 · answered by elden w 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, I suggest you please her and the child to keep things civil. Yes she can go back to court on moral grounds and have it ordered. If you always put the child's needs first, you will make the right decision. It's not about you.
It appears you really didn't want an answer to your questions but only wanted people to side with you. You have continued to argue and bring up new information to defend yourself, which tells me you are still not comfortable with the situation and your position in it. If all three of you adults were acting like adults and thinking about the effect all of this is having on the child, you would sit down together and start making decisions based on the child's needs and not your own. It sounds like all three of you are at fault.
Where the hell is the wimpy father in all of this? Not acting like a man or a father, is what I gather.
You should diffuse the situation now to make it comfortable for the boy to see his dad. Then you should decide if the wimp is really worth it all. And if he is, you both need to get the mother to sit down and talk about the child's best interest and how you can best meet them in whatever part you play in the child's life.
If you put the child first, you can't go wrong.
2007-04-27 15:01:10 · answer #4 · answered by steller 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why would you want to interfere? Stay out of it and allow the child to spend quality time with its father. This has nothing to do with you. It is his child and his ex's and his responsibility. To heed this warning, maybe in the future you might gain the ex's trust and things will change, but you're not involved here so allow that small time with the dad and child. Don't ruin it for them if you love him.
Use your common sense and don't inflate what doesn't require court and blowing things out of proportion.
My ex committed adultery with a woman and then tried to force her up in my face all the time and she was sooooo ignorant and kept whining and pulling on him. I had zero trust in her let lone her being around my son. She didn't love my son. I just said to him "Look, if you're serious about seeing and visiting your son, spending quality time, you call me and let me know. Until then, don't bother us anymore". He was trying to use her to make me jealous and he wasn't but I just didn't want to be bothered with either of them. He didn't love our son like a dad should love his child; he just wanted to inflame me and because of his intentional errors he missed the growing up of his son. When he did call and say I am serious about visiting our son, he was always late and wanted me to hold a vigil.
I kept notes and I knew in time he'd stop. I knew he wasn't serious about his visitation and in time it'd show. His only reason for coming around was to harass me with his wh*re. I just didn't want to be bothered. Kids are precious, so you butt out and allow him to spend the short time he has with his child and don't get involved. In time the mother will come to trust you because you have shown that you are reasonable and can be trusted.
From what I understand my ex married the adulteress, and they bore two more children. Now she is in the same situation as I was. I have moved on and have my own life now. They are divorced if they ever were married, and she's got two kids and no dad and she moved back with her family in Alaska. He's somewhere in the states.
More children ruined by two slobs. Get with the program and allow them their time and stop threatening court and mess. Use your brain...put yourself in the other person's place and stop being so selfish!
2007-04-27 15:18:19 · answer #5 · answered by KimIsland 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She must legally abide by any current court orders until they are changed by the court. In most jurisdictions today, the police/sheriff will help to enforce visitation orders. She can petition the court to change the visitation order but that doesn't mean the court will accede to her wishes, and in my experience they are unlikely to do so in this matter. The child's' "uncomfortableness" is probably a result of her "bad-mouthing" you and your boyfriend and the court can, and should, be asked to order her to stop.
2007-04-27 15:10:13 · answer #6 · answered by wcslaw1 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
The question is if what she claims about her child's uncomfortableness is true. I mean, for me personally, I'd respect the child's choice; why bother if he/she does not like it? If you make the mother go to court, it'd look like to the boy you and him are forcing him to do something he doesn't want. But first thing's first, he needs to find out - by HIMSELF - if what the mother said is true.
BTW, why are you with this guy? (Not to sound nosy, but I was just curious)
2007-04-27 15:07:14 · answer #7 · answered by cyberfiendkil 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
One thing comes to mind.....
I see you are wrapped up in his and your legal rights, but what about the child's true wishes? Did anyone bother to find it out?
I know adults have rights, but if the child is in fear or uncomfortable, should adults force the child to be in the situation? What about his feelings and emotional development? Experiences at early age affect his entire life.
Someone needs to clear this up before taking this to a legal battle, or somehow force him to come see two of you for the weekend.
2007-04-27 15:05:54 · answer #8 · answered by tkquestion 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Let's see, you are with the father of another woman's child and you don't understand why she doesn't want you around?
Do what is right for the child!
2007-04-27 15:20:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
My fiance's "babies mama" tried to pull that crap. She was told by the judge that unless she wanted to go to jail for contempt of court she had better abide by the court ordered visitation. You should have seen the look on her face!!
2007-04-27 15:25:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋