I dated a man for 1 1/2 years. Recently, I became pregnant. We agreed to get married. He said we would get engaged soon, but I had a miscarriage. He said we would still get engaged, because he was thinking of getting married, but then he has recently started saying he no longer wants to get engaged and would rather just breakup instead. I feel very crushed and have told him many times that this really hurts me alot and he shouldn't do it. He says right now more than anything he wants his freedom (no more kids) and he just wants to break it off. He says he feels pressured into everything. He already has 2 kids from a previous marriage, but I have none and have never been married. When I first met him, he told me he wanted to get married some day and maybe have children. But for the past 6 months, he's been saying he doesn't want any kids and I do, so he should leave because he's changed his mind. My thoughts range from serious depression to disbelief to revenge. What do I need to?
2007-04-27 12:39:19 · 14 answers · asked by oh really 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I speak from experience. Let him go. His mind is all over the place and doesn't know what he wants. You can't change him into the man you want him to be. My 1st pg with my ex ended in a miscarriage also. He shortly thereafter broke up with me. I told him how much I loved him and wanted us to work. We became engaged but I could tell his heart wasn't in it. I ignored his actions b/c I just couldn't get past my own feelings to see what an emotionally messed up man he was. We got back together and now 3 years later we have two children but he is long gone. He left me again when I was pg with my 1st daughter, then came back. He cheated on me when she was 5 months old. I took him back yet again and he walked away from me for good when I was pg with our 2nd child. So here I am a single mother and I could have saved myself a lot of heartache if I had just walked away from him after my miscarriage.
Don't make the same mistakes I did. Leave his wishy washy butt alone and find a guy that will love you and feel lucky that you are in his life.
2007-04-27 13:17:19 · answer #1 · answered by LuvMyGirls 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you really need yahoo for the answer darling? I mean the man made himself perfectly clear. He don't want you no more! Don't put yourself through any more uneccessary agony. Keep it moving. I know about the revenge thing, but the truth it'll only back fire. Why waste that type of energy. Being rejected is a ***** but you know what so is life. I am sure you may see this as another loss especially after losing your child ( I am truly sorry for you loss) but if you want to get even, move on and keep it friendly. I don't think he wants to hurt you, he's just not ready to commit again, and you know this man, would he really go out his way to hurt you? Step back and think about this rationally, not emotionally. Go get drunk, go on a shopping spree, hell try anything that'll get this guy off your mind. He's in the past now, you have a whole future ahead of you.
2007-04-27 13:46:01 · answer #2 · answered by Goodie66 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you want children and he doesn't want anymore, count yourself lucky that you two didn't get married. I know right now you can't see it for the heartache your feeling, but honey you deserve someone who wants the same out of life as you, and clearly this man didn't. It almost sounds as if he was going to marry on account of you being pregnant. They say when someone shows who they are the first time believe them, so don;t make some stupid mistakes like I have with men.
2007-04-27 14:34:20 · answer #3 · answered by Krinta 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Accept that you didn't have any children with this man, and get on with your life. And hon, just as a suggestion.... don't try to trap the next guy by getting pregnant... not fair to him, will absolutely kill your relationship, and for sure not fair to a kid... Grow up, be fair, honest, and open.
What do you need to do?
1.Realize that you barely escaped a really awful mess. Had you carried this pgy to term, he would have bailed, you'd be a single mom, and pretty much have taken yourself out of the marriage market. Guys pretty much don't wish to raise other men's children.
2. Get into counseling to sort out your feelings.
3. If your depression is severe, see you doc for a script for anti-depressants for awhile.
2007-04-27 15:15:28 · answer #4 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I`m sorry Dear, it`s a difficult situation. He agreed to get married with you because he wanted to do the right thing for your child not because he felt in his heart you were the one for him. Now that you have lost your child he doesn't feel that obligation anymore and he realizes he is not in love with you. You can`t make him marry you and you can`t make him love you. This man desperately wants to break free, let him go.
The best thing for you is to look for man who wants to have children and have a family life just like you. Don`t give up your dream of being a mom because of him you will regret it later. Being a mother is so fulfilling don`t deny yourself this amazing love.
It`s normal for you to go from depression to disbelief to revenge they are the normal phases we go through when we feel betrayed. Pick up yourself and go out there get the man and the life YOU want.!
2007-04-27 12:53:17 · answer #5 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"When I first met him, he told me he wanted to get married some day and maybe have children." That didn't mean he wanted to get married to YOU or for YOU to be the mother of his children...he just meant SOME DAY. Right now it isn't what he wants. What YOU need to do is stop obsessing stop trying to FORCE him into marriage grow up and move on.
2007-04-27 16:13:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him "I disagree with your decision, but I will honor it." Then break off all contact with him. Let him miss you and think about his choice. Don't cling or be needy, it's not attractive. He may be running scared or he may just not be the right guy for you. When you need him the most, he's unable to emotionally support you.
Focus on your healing. There are some good support board for going through a break up.
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlbreaking
Sorry you have to go through this. And my sympathy on your miscarriage.
2007-04-27 12:52:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
move on.....find someone else. If he does not want to get married....and he feel forced to do so....the marriage will never work. So do yourself a favor, and find someone who will appreciate you. It is not the end of the world...it may feel like it ....but it is not, and in the long run you will be happier.
2007-04-27 13:03:25 · answer #8 · answered by mrs_endless 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You want different things. I am sure it is very hard, but its for the best...trust me, I know.
My ex boyfriend wanted to join the Army, travel the world, and devote his life to his country. I wanted (as he put it) "a picket fence, a devoted husband and father to my 2.5 children, a mini van and a dog". Well we broke up because we knew we wouldnt make it. He went off to war and I found my devoted husband who will make a great devoted father someday, when we are ready.
Things happen for a reason. Move on, become stronger and you will find that man who wants to cherish you and love and care for your children.
2007-04-27 12:57:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOur feelings are understandable. He seems to be a very selfish person. I suggest you let him go. You will be the greater winner if you do. Quickly cut you loss and find someone much better than him. If possible find someone single with no kids.
2007-04-27 20:48:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋