he only kissed them both but left me for a month with the 21 year old. he swears its only me he wants and how sorry he is.he is 37.we have 2 children and i am living with him at the moment. do i stay or do i go,i really dont no what to do,can a marriage work after the 2nd time of doing this. please help.
2007-04-27 12:26:00 · 61 answers · asked by chief 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How many chances does your husband want, he will only keep doing it to you cos he knows you will take him back each time. Get rid and don't waste your life wondering who and where he is with.
2007-04-27 12:33:34 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa T 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If he cheats once then he will do it again - and he cheated twice. You cannot stay with him for the sake of the children or just because you dont want to be alone. If you act like a doormat he will walk all over you. Why do you stay with him? You will eventually find someone else if that is what you want. He must have done more than just kiss the 21 year old if he left with her for a month!!!!
2007-04-27 12:39:52 · answer #2 · answered by Christine H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to think about what is most important to you.
He will almost certainly cheat again. Are you happy to put up with this, and stay in a marriage where he has no respect for you? You could stay and put on a front for the children but I feel you would start to resent this, and the children would pick up on this.
Perhaps you should be strong and leave him. Although this would be incredibly hard, and your children might not understand.
I don't know what I would do because I've never been in your situation. Sometimes I think those who give the best advice are those who have lived it! It's easy for me to say leave him, but I understand how difficult that may be. Can you talk to any friends about this?
2007-04-27 22:12:37 · answer #3 · answered by magic_porridge_pot 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Come on...he only kissed them once? I think he did more than kiss the 21 year old if he left for a month with her. Sorry to be blunt but you said it yourself. I suppose it is possible to make the marriage work but there is a saying that has been proven over and over...once a cheater always a cheater. Whether or not it applies to him or not...do you think you can ever really and truly trust him again? That is what you need to ask yourself and honestly answer. Then you will know what you want to do about it.
2007-04-27 19:01:00 · answer #4 · answered by susie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any thing is possible, But he has to understand that he will be under a great deal of surveillance by you.....we all have the capability to forgive.....it is the forgetting that is hard to do....He must understand that you do not trust him, and that it may take months if not years to ever trust him again. Should you decide to give it another shot.....then the next time it is a deal breaker.....if he cheats again whether it is "only kissing" or what ever...even seen withe another woman....he is out. and there will be no more chances......because if he really loves you.....he will not cheat....he will not hurt you or the children this way. He needs to get over himself, and do what is right as a husband and a father.
2007-04-27 13:13:31 · answer #5 · answered by mrs_endless 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think a counsellor would ask you what you WANT to do. And whether YOU really believe that it was only kissing? !
I'm so sorry to hear you have this pain in your life. But none of us can give you the answer - it has to come from within you. Going to a counsellor may help you clarify your own feelings about it. And if you do decide to try to rebuild the relationship, you'll both need to go for counselling, because it will not be easy to restore trust.
But if you decide to separate and divorce him - leaving you free to find trust and happiness with someone else one day - then it's a lawyer you should consult, to know your rights before you start having any discussion with your husband about settlement and custody etc.
2007-04-27 12:58:41 · answer #6 · answered by jimporary 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People will normally answer this question with what THEY would do if they were you. That isn't fair to you so I will give you this advice. Only you know what your limits are. Only you know what you can take and can't take. Remember one thing, do not stay in a relationship because of children. You must make a personal dicision, the healiest one for you. Your children can't be happy if you aren't happy. There is always a question that helped me and that is... If this is the way it will be for the rest of my life, will I be happy? Don't think about it, first instict/answer is always the correct one. You must act on that. If you can forgive him, then do so. If you find yourelf looking over at him and wanting to cry or possibly harm him for what he has done then maybe staying isn't the answer for you. Be true to yourself. As you know, he hasn't been.
2007-04-27 19:01:18 · answer #7 · answered by SpoiledBrat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello Trace.
Only kissed them both? Yeah right, all that female flesh up close and very comfortable and he gone for a month with a 21 year old. Yeah right again!!Let him see your 'empty suitcase in the hallway' and when he asks wher you going and you have a thousand honest answers for him, plus all the answers you are going to glean from Yahoo answers, or you wouldn't have asked all us Yahoo'ers.
See Julie Andews in theSound of Music, dancing over the hills and far away throwing her suitcase all around her with a big smile on her face, and think on this, you too can do it babe. Time to move it on up and out of there honey, or at least stop him being there with you causing you all this worry and doubt on your Marriage. Face it babe. he has had the taste of others, he won't stop now, I don't care what he says, other girls have laid it on a plate for him, and he will get hungry again, and eat until his libido is content, and his body is spent . A divorce is definitelyon the cards, and you have lost enough already. talk with your cousin too, and don't be too polite, blood is thicker than water, so don't be afraid to tell her what has caused this split, it's partly her fault too... hope this advice helps you Darlin' xXx.....bye...Tony M
2007-04-27 17:19:36 · answer #8 · answered by tony m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well babe i dont think anyone has the right to tell you yes or no, it up to you. All i can do is tell you my personal experience and you can hopefully decide from that.
My husband cheated on me 3 times with kissing and 2 times by sleeping with other women just before we got married. The second time he slept with a woman he slept with her twice an they now have a son together who is 3 years old. I dont think he has cheated since, but as he excludes me from that part of his life i cannot be sure.
We arguge occasionly about it, but it seems to be getting less an less nowadays as i just keep out of it for an easy life.
I never made him suffer, never gave him a choice, never made thing difficult for him i just smiled and said everything was fine. Now i have to keep doing that just to avoid an argument, so babe your descion a life of being a doormat or finding someone who truly loves you and would never ever hurt you? Good luck and i hope you find happiness one way or another x x x x x x x
2007-04-28 06:22:20 · answer #9 · answered by LAURA C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have to ask yourself this question honestly, you are out of your mind. Get your children and get out of there. There is absolutely no excuse, not one, for an affair. I beileve if you cheat on the person that you love with, than you don't really love that person. I don't think he cares about you or his family....he cares about himself and what he can get. I would have left the first time. As a woman, take pride in yourself, and leave. No woman deserves to be treated like that! And by the way, kissing is cheating...no matter what any guy says, it is. How would he have acted if you had kissed not one guy, but two and one being his family member!
2007-04-27 12:49:52 · answer #10 · answered by Sarah N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself the question.If he did it twice will he do it again? What do you think? I can't tell you to go or stay but what I can say is if you allow him to cheat he will.If he feel that he can get away with it and you not react or do something out of the ordinary means that it's ok.Men don't think like we do.Ask him to so to counseling and see what he says, that's if you want to stay with him.If you still love him and what it to work then both of you need to talk it out and seek help for a better marriage.If not then move on and try to raise the kids the best way you can.I hope things work out for you in the order you would like. Good luck I know marriage is hard.
2007-04-27 12:41:18 · answer #11 · answered by missmadhatter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋