could someone have a history of incest and not know it?

Question

Hello- I am a 21 year old girl- currently going to counceling for a history of emotional abuse. I also have been diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder. I am afraid of sex and have never had a relationship. I also dont trust anyone and I have a hard time building healthy intimate relationships with anyone. I also am not connected/ do not communicate with my family. My therapist has asked me if I was physically/ sexually abused as a child because I have apparently given her red flags- although I dont remember being physically molested. If something happened in childhood would I have supressed it and not remembered? I really dont think I have been, but when I think about it I have displayed a life long fear of being touched or cared about in the physical sense. I also have strange behavior regarding my genitals.. but I wont go there.... any advice or personal experience? Is it just suppressed or if I truly cant remember it then it didnt happen?

Answer 1

sometimes therapists fabricate things and you start believing them, even if theur not true and start having flase memories. its possible that you surpressed it, maybe some hypnotherapy would work. its possible though, dont try to force the memories...they'll come out whrn their ready. also theirs something called covert incest which you should ask your therapist about.

Answer 2

Definetly it is not only possible but likely. Even a young adult could suppress a memory of being sexually and physically abused.

It does sometimes happen that therapists make the wrong conclusions and then engage in overbearing prompting. This has in a very few cases led the patient to have false memories.

But most abused children do suppress the memory and through therapy they begin to remember sexual and physical abuse.

I would say your therapist is exploring this possibility. I wouldn't read anything into it and assume that she thinks you are suppressing a memory.

Look at it from her point of view, she does see some red flags and it's her job to explore the possibilty of suppressed memory. She wouldn't be doing her job if she didn't mention this very real possibility that happens to many people.

But for now, If you don't remember then you don't remember. Rule number one is to be honest. But not all abuse is physical in the sense of hitting or sexual. There are other ways of committing child abuse and she and you will explore them togethor.

This is going to take a long time and a lot of time and a lot of healing, it is possible that one day the dam will burst and those memories will come pouring out. It may also turn out that you were abused in other ways, but don't you don't realize that they were a form of abuse.

Answer 3

Avoidant personality disorder is a disorder with a borderline personality structure. This means that your personality has features of both neurotic (the healthiest personality type) and psycholotic (the unhealthiest personality type) personalities. However, borderline structure lies in between, often fluctuating between the two. Borderline structures, unlike psychotic structures, are able to form relationships, but, unlike neurotics, they are unable to maintain them in a healthy way long-term.

It is quite common for individuals within the borderline personality structure to have little to no memory of childhood, specifically little to no memory of childhood trauma. It is overwhelmingly common, and I see it quite frequenty. It's called repression (NOT suppression!), and it means that childhood memories may have become too painful for you to remember, so your conscious brain shifts the memories into your subconscious brain. I had a patient who had an intense fear of the color green, although he recalled to issues with the color and no tumultuous childhood. It was later revealed that he had undergone a severe trauma (his mother had murdered his brother and made him put his face into the carpet, which was green), but had no memory of it until he underwent psychotherapy. It's very common, especially with borderline personality types. There are red flags, though, so it is very common for therapists to be able to tell when patients may have possibly been abused, even if they do not remember it. I would say that your discomfort with intimacy and sexuality is a severe red flag. Generally, a patient does not experience that without some sort of trauma.

However, as a caution, this is not always the case. Don't assume the worst until your memories start becoming unrepressed. It will only leave you living in fear, perhaps unnecessarily. If you are seeing a reputable therapist, the therapist will be able to help you to release any repressed memories. Just continue with therapy as normal.

Good luck, and feel free to message me with any more questions!

P.S. I do not remember hypnosis. It generally does not work, and, if it does work, then it creates several more issues. Repressed memories are repressed for a reason, because they're too painful for the conscious brain to bear. Forcing the conscious brain to bear these repressed memories often has adverse effects, and the suicide rate for repressed memories released through hypnosis is staggeringly high. Your conscious brain is attempting to protect your sanity, so let it. These repressed memories should only be released naturally, though time, because that is when your conscious brain will truly be able to deal with any past trauma.

Answer 4

First of all, don't get too stressed about this. And don't let your therapist push you to remember things that may not have happened.
Avoidant personalities have a tendency to disconnect physically as well as emotionally. If there was any sexual content (such as 'dirty' words) in the emotional abuse you suffered when you were young, it could easily manifest itself in a physical difficulty.
It is also possible that you have some suppressed memories, especially from your very early childhood. But it is not imperative that you remember them. Those kinds of memories can be toxic as well as therapeutic. If something happened and you need to remember it, you will. If it happened and you don't need to remember it, don't reach for it.
I'm glad to hear you're in counseling. I know it's tough, but hang in there. You'll make it. I did.

Answer 5

Some do but some also generalize to make a reason. They tried that with me and it really wasn't true. It's like trying to say the recent highschool kid writing disturbing stories is like the VT killer. Everyone wants to wrap things up in a nice neat little bow and sometimes thats just not the case.

My youngest child is horribly shy and sensative. They keep trying to give a reason, or blame, when it's been that way since day one. Some people are just born the way the are. They try and make NORMAL things into a disease if you don't follow the clone profile.

My test is, what difference does it make? This is your issue now and how do you overcome it? Is blaming someone going to make the problem go away? In most cases ....no. They wanted to hang it on dead relatives for me. So what? It's still MY problem and it's still up to me to fix it.

Answer 6

This is such a difficult subject, at least in my opinion. It is certainly possible that there could have been abused without you remembering it clearly. You could have supressed it or you could have been too young to remember the details of what really happened. But on the other side, sometimes people want some sort of root to their problems, that they start to believe they were abused (when that was never the case.)

I have no idea if you were or were not abused. I really wish I was of more help, but it's a heavy matter that I don't know much about.

Answer 7

It has been known for people to forget all about abuse that has happened when they were younger, they block it out as a way of dealing with it. Your fears of relationships though could very well be connected to you not knowing how to show love and emotion and that it possibly scares you because you have never been shown any in the past.
I hope you find a way out of your situation soon and that you take all you can from the help you are getting!

Good Luck with everything!

Answer 8

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Answer 9

Sexual molestation at a young age is frequently suppressed. It's not uncommon for a child to suppress it because of their feeling of associated shame.

It may be helpful to explore the possibility of hypnotherapy, but make sure to go to someone who is reputable.

Answer 10

ask to go under hypnosis regression theropy it will take u into the past and if it happened it should come up