My stepkids mother always uses me as a reason to not let their dad see them. She always tells him she doesn't trust him because she doesn't want me to be there! Of course I'm going to be there I love those kids too and I am their step mommy after allI! I am not going to have my husband go on a trip from El Paso to Austin and not go....cause the next words out of her mouth will be ...if your stepmom cared about you she would have been here! Is it always a loosing battle? All I want is to have peace! When its time for us to have the kids I want to have them and vice versa! What's her problem?
2007-04-27 11:03:31 · 12 answers · asked by Terry 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Like most ex's who have to give up their control. They hate it when they don't have full control, so they try using the kids to keep it. Bravo for you that you love these kids, that probably makes her mad also, and if you didn't she would have something to say about it, so the only thing is to keep the kids first and it will work out fine. Peace will never come as long as she is alive.
2007-04-27 11:14:26 · answer #1 · answered by Krinta 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is easier to blame us than to admit that maybe their ex isn't so bad. Maybe they are half the reason the marriage failed or maybe, just maybe, you are a nice person who truly cares about the well being of kids who aren't yours. A stepmom is a reminder that the first marriage failed and sometimes people let their pride get in the way of being civil and polite. You're a threat to her role as mom when you are the stepmom because the kids might like you too much. Even if you have no intention of taking her place as mom, she may think you do.
My own stepmom told me to smile, be polite (even when the ex isn't) and don't worry about things. Either she'll warm up or she won't. What matters is taking the high road all the time.
2007-05-01 10:17:06 · answer #2 · answered by hannahthemovie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The mother is jealous and afraid of her kids likeing you more than her. More than likely they have fun you boht of you, and go home talking about it, adn she then feels like she is loosing the kids. The kids see her as their mother and love her, but also see her as the diciplinarian....and you are not.....what ever you do....do not disipline those kids...it will get ugly...you can reinforce the rules of the house, but you are not their mother and have no right to lay a hand on them or punish them....that is for the dad and mother to do.....and this is good.....because you always remain neutral, and will get a great deal of respect from them. It is really a cool situation to be in. Has the mother remarried? If not then maybe once she does....maybe things will get better.
I went through teh same thing. Shoot she even had a clause put in their divorce papers that the children could not ride with in the car with anyone other than the parents. So I could not take the kids anywhere on my own. But he did call her on it when one of her BF's drove them somewhere. and when his oldest daughter went out on a date....he reminded his x of this clause...she tried to say that dating was different, but he reminded her who was safer, someone who has been driving for years, or some kids who just started to drive. and unless she made a change in the clause......he would continue to remind her that the children could ride with no one except the parents......She was not happy, but she realized how stupid it was to put that in the papers.....she thought it would only affect him....never realizing that it affected her BF's and the ppl his daughter wanted to go out with. Needless to say she came off that one.
2007-04-27 13:33:20 · answer #3 · answered by mrs_endless 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to remember it is the crazy ex and not the kids. Always be polite. Hold your ground but give them time with their dad without you too. By always being the nice guy regardless of how their mom acts, the kids will recognize that you are a bigger person. It may take YEARS for them to appreciate that, but eventually they will. It will never be easy to be married to your husband because he came with "baggage" so to speak. If the two of you can find a familial balance, then you will make your own happiness and you will stop caring what she says (hopefully so will he). She will never stop acting that way.........you just have to learn to ignore it.You have what she wants.....that is all you need to make her mad...you never have to say a word! ya know? just love the kids and support your husband's decisions when it comes to them and you'll be fine.
2007-04-27 14:37:35 · answer #4 · answered by erin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bio parents can be very threatened and jealous by the relationship b/t the kids and stepparent. We do get the backlash and little respect from most people. I had it so bad we had to get a court Order that the bio mm cannot talk about me around the kids. she too tried to keep us apart and the court psychologist testified that I had such close relationship with the kids, that if they didn't see me they could have emotional damage. You are a FAMILY and have every RIGHT to act like one, tell your kids that you understand their mom had bad feelings for you but that its nothing that will interfere with you loving them or your family...its been almost 8 yrs for me and she hasn't stopped by my kids are 11 and 1 now and they tell her themselves to stop all the bad things said about me.Just live your life with your children and know that she is the one stewing about nonsense somewhere
2007-04-27 11:45:23 · answer #5 · answered by debbie v 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you signed up for the package. My husband has 3 kids and we get them rarely, because now that he is remarried with another child i really think it is hard for the ex to watch them move on. What you need to do is try to get along with her, if you have to grin and put up with her just to get the kids smile and be as nice as pie. No matter what you do she is not going to like you and i think that is hard because as the new wife we have no clue why the ex hates us so much, so we over compensate. I stopped over compensating, the kids love me because they got to know me, she cant sway them now. The big thing with most ex wives is they lose that hold over a man when he gets a new gf or wife. And they cant stand to see him happy. Dont ask me why, but it seems to be a common trend. Good luck and remember to smile.
2007-04-27 11:20:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's still angry with your husband, obviously. Some people never really get over their divorce. You're going to have to learn to put up with it to some degree, step away from the situation and if anything happens, talk to your husband but don't berate him about it. Don't make him choose between his wife and his kids - you'll lose.
2007-04-27 11:16:09 · answer #7 · answered by Cassandra G 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She sounds jealous of you. Why isn't your hubby sticking up for his rights to see the kids and sticking up for you? If this is going to continue i think your hubby is going to have to take it to court because he has every right to see his kids and you guys are married so unless your abusive towards them a judge can't stop you from seeing them. What does his ex expect that you leave your own house so he can see his kids? That is ridiculous and you should not be blamed for this don't think it is your fault why he can't see them it is his ex's and hers alone.
2007-04-27 11:10:40 · answer #8 · answered by Momof1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's what you got when you married a package deal -- a guy with kids and a crazy ex-wife.
At the end of the day, you are the kids' mother so the battle is really not yours. You want peace, stay out of these affairs. Since your husband can't handle the situation, whatever you do is secondary and will be perceived as meddling.
2007-04-27 11:11:53 · answer #9 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
She's immature. I get along great with the ex-wife.
People like this have insecurity issues. She's probably scared her kids will love you, and she'll feel threatened. Stupid broad. :)
2007-04-27 11:14:18 · answer #10 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋