How can I contest a divorce in California? How can I save my marriage?

Question

My wife and I have be married for about a year and a half. We've had alot of problems during that time. We broken up with each other too many times. It has taken me losing her to relize that she was the best thing that ever happened to me. I've tried everything I know to try and win her back. But she dosn'et belive anyhign I tell her. I didn't treat her like I should have, she tried so hard to make it work for us. I didn't hit her but I know I made her hurt with the stuff I would say to her. But now I really want to make this work. But she has already started the papperwork for divorceing me. I haven't been served yet, but I know its coming soon. I really don't want this divorce. I want to contest it, but I don't know if that would do any good. What are my options if I do, if I contest ,can I ask the judge to order some kind of counselor to help us with our problems. Or is there anything else I can do to try and save our marriage. Thanks for any advice

Answer 1

Jack, you can not force someone to stay married to you if they no longer wish to be. It sounds like you are at the point of no return with this relationship, and you will just have to accept the fact that it's over. It also sounds like the two of you are miserable together, and would fare much better without each other. It is a shame that it took you this long to realize what you had when it's too late to do anything about it, but it is the way that things went for you both. If papers are filed, and you are served, contesting has no point to it. It will be a waste of time and emotions and money. Cut your losses short, let the two of you heal and go on with your lives. You really were not meant for each other. I am sorry if this sounds unkind, but it's truth. Don't lie to yourself, let it go, learn from your mistakes, and don't repeat them. Hope this helps.

Answer 2

Jack, my suggestion would be to talk to your wife. If she's already made it clear she does not want a reconciliation, then I would not bother with contesting the divorce. Yes, it would put off the divorce. BUT...that does not mean it would make her want to be with you again. I really wish people would really listen when the spouse is saying what they really need and want before it's too late, but this is classic. Now you've panicked, because you see it's for real. For me, once I had the "balls" to file for divorce I was done. Again, if she's got her mind made up, all the stallin' and ballin' and otherwise postponing the inevitable won't change things. I think maybe it's time for you to chalk this up as a learning experience, and actually really learn from it....but let her go. She needs to do what's best for her now. IF she was interested in counseling, or a reconciliation, I could see it, but otherwise, contesting the divorce is a waste of your time and money, and the sooner you accept and move on, the better for both of you. Sorry...good luck to ya, Man.

Answer 3

The thing you have to understand is that it doesn't matter whether or not you want the divorce, but whether or not your wife wants it. If she is dead-set against continuing this marriage, all the pleading in the world by you to others isn't going to save it.

Sorry, but judging from the way you described things here, you're the one who is responsible for the breakup of your marriage. Learn how to treat a woman the right way, and use this experience to make your future relationships work out better than this one did.

Answer 4

Sounds like too little too late. Sorry, but the emotional damage has been done, and there's probably not a judge in the world that would give you the right to force her to do anything that she doesn't want to. You need to go into a marriage with the utmost respect for her. That piece of paper does not mean that you own her, only that for the time being, she is your wife. What you do with that time is up to you. I once had a poster on the wall that showed a woman setting a dove free. It said, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was."

Answer 5

You can get therapy or counseling to figure out why you had a lot of problems during the marriage and hurt her with the stuff you said. Maybe if you actually take proper steps to change, rather than just telling her about it, she'll give you a second chance.

Answer 6

I don't think contesting it would do anything but drag it out and make her feel like you are trying to control her.
Ask her to go to couples therapy. If she won't go, then let her know you are going to go on your own because you will do whatever it takes to improve yourself and make things better.
If she sees you making an honest effort she might consider trying again.
You might not win her back but at least you will have tried and will have grown in the process.

Answer 7

Do the tax thing... since you have only been married for less than 2 years you might get around 6 to 7 months of spousal support.. versus 17 years of tax returns.... you do the math.

Answer 8

When one party makes up their mind a relationship is over, I don't think it right for anyone to try to force them to stick it out.

You screwed up and now you are dealing with the repercussions of your actions. Take this lesson forward with you in the future so you don't make the same mistake again.

Personal responsibility.

Answer 9

tell her to give you one last chance to prove you can change. everything you said seems valid about the way you truly feel about her. i suggest telling her your willing to go to anger management so you can stop verbally and emotionally abusing her with your words. take responsibility for y our actions . DONT MAKE EXCUSES! be willing to accept what you did wrong, admit to it, and what you can do to resurrect the situation and regain her trust. if you care about her you will do it! good luck !

p.s. i think the advice above is extremely poor, being that you took a vow for better for worse you owe it to yourself, your wife and your faith to try even to the very end. DONT BE A QUITTER AND DONT ACCEPT DEFEAT!