Is this normal?

Question

I miscarried my second baby yesterday and I had to have an emergency D&C after spending 5 hours at home bleedig through 4 pads an hour and passing baseball sized clots. It's hard to talk about. My husband is deployed and probably won't be able to come home to help me out. I have a 13 month old who I just cannot bear to be around. I have no family close by to take him. I have interest in doing anything. I've lost my appetite, thirst and desire to function and live. When I told my mother in law that my husband was trying to come back to help me she said it wouldn't be fair to the other soldiers who were waiting to come home on R&R. My husband has already had his R&R (that's when I became pregnant), but now my baby is gone. I need him here. I feel so empty inside. I just want to lay down and die and never wake up again. I feel like my body is not good enough to sustain life. I feel like it's my fault because in a fit of pregnant rage I wished I wasn't pregnant. I'm worthless

I have no support here. I just want to be left alone. I just want to know if this is normal to not to want anything to do with my son. I just want to be alone all day.

Answer 1

Talk to your doctor and let them know how you are feeling. They can make the call to get in touch with his command and get hubby home. You sound very depressed which isn't good for you or your young one. They may send him home so he can care for your 13 month old while you get the help you need. Don't hide anything you're feeling from the docs. They can help you in this situation. He's no good to his unit if he's worrying about you and doesn't have his mind on the job at hand. That makes him a liability and they won't want him there for that reason. Tell you mother in law to mind her own business. Best of luck.

Answer 2

Oh honey. I'm am so, so sorry for what's happened to you. This is absolutely not your fault, even if you did once wish you weren't pregnant while you were upset. No matter how much guilt and self-loathing you have right now because of your miscarriage, it is still not your fault.

As far as not feeling like living or feeling like you can care for your toddler - of course you don't. You've just suffered a horrible loss. You are mourning, which is exactly what people who are bereaved do. I'm just a stranger on the internet, but please know that my heart goes out to you and that you are in my prayers.

Regarding having your husband come home: ask yourself, how would you feel about another soldier coming home to help his wife if she were in your situation? I bet you'd have compassion. This is a family emergency, and if your husband can possibly come home to help you, he should. Keep in mind, he's lost your baby too and is hurting. It's only right that you should be able to support one another during this difficult time.

In the mean time, is there a friend or a member of the family who can come over to help you? Someone who can make sure you eat, which you should do even though you don't feel like it. Someone who can care for your child, and who can run errands for you. The people in your life, once they know what has happened, will want more than anything to help. Let them.

Answer 3

No....you are not worthless. I have been through a miscarriage too and I know how you feel. It will take some time to heal. It took me about 2 years to finally get over it, but even now, I am not really over it. What you need to do is go see your primary physician. He/she can refer you to some kind of counseling. Don't put your baby, who is alive and well, in danger. Your husband does need to come home, especially if you don't have any family nearby. Your mother in law should be a little more sensitive. Does she live near by? You must seek help and be strong for your baby. Go and talk to someone. I know going to CPS will not be a good idea because those people are retarded. They will take your child and it will take you forever to get your baby back. So think of that........ someone may report you to CPS. And you do not want your baby put into the CPS system because you will be screwed around. You need to be strong. I know it's hard, but your baby needs you. If you can, fly home or fly to stay will close relatives, but you must do something now before it's too late.

Answer 4

well first of all, you need not be sad and depressed over this... miscarriages do happen, but you need to pick your self up once you recover from the D & C because you have another child who relies on you right now, because his father is away... be thankful you are here and not where your husband is at and what he is doing.. be content knowing he is out there missing you wishing he could have a moment with your child now,, be thankful you have a child, some people have miscarriage after miscarriage.. Maybe it was not time for you to have a child if you felt in your heart you didnt want another child just yet..what you wish doesnt necessarily become flesh,, God does everything for a reason you know.. things happen, and you will feel terrible, but you must realize you have another life in this world who relies on you and that is what is important.. so dont be so down, be thankful you are alive and you have a child... im sorry to hear you feel this way, just think good thoughts, banish all negative thinking, meditate, and sit in silence, and really focus on YOU.. and your family that you must hold together while he is gone.. good luck

Answer 5

I am soo sorry for your loss. Sweetie, don't feel that way. MIscarriage hurts, but it is not unbearable until the end of time. Time heals all wounds. You have a beautiful 13 month old who needs his mommy. And it is unfortunate that your hubby cannot come home to be there with you to help you heal. But i'm sure you are a strong woman and remember that God doesn't give us anything that we cannot handle, so he knows you are strong enough to get though this. If you ever need any help or someone to talk to, there are many resources for you to speak to a live person or to seek counseling if you really feel low. I pray that God will lift you up and fill your revive your spirit... Just remember, you live for that little baby that the lord already blessed you with, everything will be ok

Answer 6

don't listen to your mother in law. if he can come home, Praise God! I just had my 2nd miscarriage at 18 wks. in Feb. I passed the baby at home but had the D & C like you, due to severely heavy bleeding. this was my 2nd miscarriage. I understand, but that 13 month old doesn't understand & just wants mommy. I know it's difficult, nearly impossilble, but remember you love your first child too. it's not his fault & he loves you so much! I will pray for your husband to come home soon & in the meantime please talk to your best friend from home or someone you trust. Also, let your doctor know how you feel. There are no words for your loss, I know from personal experience. But please, remember your little boy & be blessed that you have a child at all. I am praying for you.

Answer 7

Remember honey, that hormones will rage and all sorts of thoughts will come to you about things. However, this sounds like you might be fighting off depression, so it would be a good idea to talk to the doctor about it. That's what they are there for. I can't really help you with having a husband deployed, but there's help out there for you. If you can't get to the doctor, call a friend or a neighbor. You do need to talk to someone. Good luck.

Answer 8

Firstly, don't call your mother-in-law again if you have an emergency situation that requires support. She has already shown you that she isn't supportive to your needs. What she will or won't support for you isn't your concern...YOUR CONCERN FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR 13 MONTH OLD IS WHAT IS AT HAND HERE.

You need to contact your physician immediately and tell her/him what you're feeling emotionally. It seems to me that you are depressed and emotionally unstable. You need medical care and support immediately. Also tell your doctor that you don't have anyone close by to help you care for your 13 month old. A hospital social worker is able to find resources to get someone to help you.

You can't go on like this, and you can't solve this situation by yourself. You need care and support from a trusted and gentle physician, a faith-based organization, and by someone you know personally who cares about your needs.

Your husband being away shouldn't cause you to feel abandoned in your time of need. YOU NEED HIM, AND YOU HAVE 1st DIBS ON HIM BECAUSE HE IS YOUR HUSBAND. IT ISN'T YOUR CONCERN WHAT OTHER SOLDIERS MIGHT THINK OF HIM, FOR COMING HOME TO COMFORT HIS WIFE. THE PROMISES HE MADE TO YOU COME FIRST, NOT THE ONES HE MADE TO UNCLE SAM.

I'll pray for your blessings and recovery.

Answer 9

Most woman do get depressed after a miscarriage, but it shouldn't be left untreated, and you shouldn't be alone with your 13 month old. If you look in your phone book you can find depression clinic's. They will help you through all this! Good luck until your husband gets home!

Answer 10

ok first off pick up your phone and call someone in your support group. whether its an ombudsmen or what ever. im a former navy wife and ours are ombudsmen. you need to get someone there and soon. what your feeling is normal and im sorry to tell you your husband most likely wont be sent home. they dont send them home even when their wives deliver babies. so its very unlikely that he will come home. can you get someone a friend or family member to fly there to you. do you have a church family they should help you too. honey its not your fault that you lost the baby. something was wrong with the pregnancy and your body rejected it. it wasnt anything that you did, i wish you lots of luck and am here for you in thoughts and prayers email if you want to