2007-04-27 08:57:29 · 25 answers · asked by Boo47 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It doesnt matter what he does wrong, he always turns the blame to me, I didnt do anything like what he said I did, he is just mad because he got caught doing what he was doing and I said something to him about it. What should I do?
2007-04-27 08:59:47 · update #1
You are not to blame for everything, it takes 2 to fight and 2 to make it work. I know how hard this is as my husband is the same way, I mean, if he would ever admit he was wrong the earth would stop spinning. Your best bet is to remain calm, if you feel that you are getting emotional, say to him i dont want to fight and leave the room. I have retrained myself to stay calm and collected at all times, this way there is no way he can say you said or did this or that. I know what I have done because I keep my emotions locked away. I know howhard it is to remain calm when he blames and argues and acts like a jerk. I wish you the best of luck and if you ever need reassurance that you arent at constant fault send me an email. I hate that you have to go through this and I know how damaging this can be to your mental state, as well as your sefl confidence. Kind of make you think you are going crazy doesnt it? You are always second guessing yourself and after awhile, you begin to believe you are nuts. I thought my husband was trying to control me mentally this way, it worked, but after i started listening to what was going on, paying close attention I started to develope this plan to let him know that I wasnt crazy. i dont cry, i dont get angry, I talk----calmly. trust me he got really mad the first few times. I dont let my emotional state take over me, i leave that alone until i am ready to deal with it. You have to learn to control yourself before you can change the situation. Anyway, before this gets too long, I wish you luck and if you need help just send an email. keep your chin up.
2007-04-27 09:15:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm guessing because you're married to someone who is never responsible for anything..including what comes out of their mouth.
I was married to him. If something went badly, even if I was no way involved, it was my fault. After all, I didn't participate and left it all up to him. If I did try to give advice, and it went wrong, it was REALLY my fault. However, everything that went well was all because of him.
Those type of people suffer from a serious lack of self esteem. You can't make it better for them, and being a "whipping post" is not a career path I'd recommend.
You need to get into marriage counseling, and work on this. You'll never be able to fix it alone, and they have to see how this is impacting the marriage. At some point, you're either going to quit participating at all and enter the "yeah..unhuh" zone, or you're going to leave.
2007-04-27 09:02:53 · answer #2 · answered by Kaia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is feeling guilty and trying to shift the blame. Sit down with cards and markers. Each of you write on a card what the other has done to make you upset. Take turns showing the other person the card and explain. After each explanation the other tries to come up with a solution to "fix" the problem. Than go get drunk and have wild monkey make up sex!!!
2007-04-27 09:04:03 · answer #3 · answered by ljsbeachgirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
men have a habit of twisting things to make it look like your to blame, an i dont mean all men just some. they convince u you was wrong an they r that good at it u start to belive it is your fault, talk to him an tell him it has to stop if it carries on i would leave him an find someone who will treat u right an not blame u 4 everything
2007-04-27 09:02:53 · answer #4 · answered by lizjess2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a classic power move if it is as you've described. He is evading responsibility and placing it on you. Take a real look at the issue, if you have enough patterns to show that he is deflecting blame, you may need counseling to work through your marriage issues. Don't let yourself be belittled.
2007-04-27 09:04:49 · answer #5 · answered by Maria M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have some security issues and you take on the blame yourself instead of standing up for what you believe. Nothing is always someones fault.
2007-04-27 09:00:27 · answer #6 · answered by Mama of 1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes the one that is guilty of something or if he or she is caught they will accuse the other person of it because then they ease thier guilt. They are not always man enough to accept that they would have done something wrong.
2007-04-27 15:15:51 · answer #7 · answered by susie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look at it this way, every person in this world goes through that. My husband is the same way. BUT,,,I do find that I do the same! Do you? If your husband starts getting on you or blaming you for things do you turn it around on him?
2007-04-27 09:27:08 · answer #8 · answered by cutemom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to read the "Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.
It really helped me out in my marriage. It might not be the book for you and your marriage, but it definately would not hurt to check it out, it has gotten rave reviews. Good luck
2007-04-27 09:01:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do in this situation is establish the silent treatment. This will thrust his guilt further down his throat and quickly make him realize his mistake. If that doesn't work, tell him you're sorry that he did that. This will again make him guilty. The best thing to do is make him guilty in this situation.
2007-04-27 09:03:55 · answer #10 · answered by Eric 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋