How much is too much?

Question

I was wondering, my husband goes out after work while I am at work with people to get free pizza and half price beer. He goes out every wednesday and sometimes it is hard to get him up in the morning. Also he has started going out on the weekend too and we have the same problem. Is this excessive? I only ask because I'm wondering if this is ok since we have been having marital problems...is it fair for me to at least get the weekend together to work on things? His single friends keep asking him and he just goes cause he doesn't want to be at home. Help me!!

Answer 1

You have a much larger problem than an answer board can give you. You and your husband need couples counseling, and he may have a drinking problem. I would advise you seek professional help.

Answer 2

I'd be much more concerned that he was after more than free pizza and half price beer.
However for the sake of argument you aren't out of line to insist you get together over the weekend to hammer things out. But...this doesn't seem to work well with him. Probably because he doesn't want things to get better.
Excessive would be a good term for this. I'm also willing to say he's on the make as well. notice how his evenings away from home are increasing steadily. next step? He won't come home one night until the morning. He'll tell you that he was either too drunk to drive and stayed at a motel or more than likely stayed at a friend's place. Naturally telling the friend that should you check up on this to affirm his excuse. But..mark my words...I'd be very suspicious of what's going on. It ain't all pizza and beer hun.

Answer 3

You need counseling. How much is too much is up to the two of you. If he's saying he's going out to "save you some money on the beer and pizza" then tell him he'd save more money by not going out on Wednesday nights. The weekend should be for married couples to do what needs to be done around the house and for family time. You need to go out with your friend too. You need to talk about this and try to schedule your time together better. That would make both of you happy if you knew after cleaning the house that you were going out that evening, see?

Answer 4

Don't wake him up honey. It is not your responsibility to get his sorry butt out of bed. I don't think it is excessive. Does he ever ask you to go with him? Maybe suggest going with him. Sit down and have a heart to heart. Tell him how you feel. If he would rather spend the time with his friends and not you then it may be a one way street. Remember the first five years of marriage are the hardest. I would check to see if he maybe has something going on the side. Maybe you could also find something to do together outside the house since he doesn't like being at home. Go play some pool or go to a movie. I hope this helps.

Answer 5

Wednesday and on the weekend doesn't sound too awful. But getting up in the morning is his responsibility, not yours. You're not his mom.

If this activity interferes with something that you may have planned, I say you need to say something. Or, if it bothers you, plan something to do together. Rent a movie you both like. I'm guessing you don't have kids, so he's just doing the things he used to do before you got married. Maybe you can go along, or invite the friends over for a home cooked meal.

Answer 6

It does sound like you have some marital problems. Sometimes after you get married the single friends you have do not understand what it is like to be married. Talking with his friends about this from both of you may help. You definitely need to tell him that you feel neglected and would like to spend time with him. How about going out with your friends for a change? Sometimes guys take for granted that you will always be there and they know all they have to do is come home and you are there waiting on them...make him work for your time... if he does not want your quality time...let your friends, family...etc... get his quality time... he will miss it and soon will see that you are not always available...if not he might not be the husband for you... sad to say but sometimes people think they are ready for marriage...and they aren't. Good luck to you!!

Answer 7

It is not OK for your husband to have his Wednesday affair drag out into the weekend. You can't get him UP because he has already been UP all night. (hint, hint)
He does not want to be home because he has found something/someone else. He is cheating and you are in a haze. He is not going to give you the weekend, it is reserved for his half price hussy.
If you are considering dissolving this relationship then do your homework and don't come out of it with nothing, or worse.. less than nothing.

Answer 8

im not married or any thing but i can tell you this, he does need some times for him to be with his friends, but also i think that you to need some time together. if you to are having marrage problems then you need to talk to him and tell him you want him to have a good time, and to hang out with his friend, that doesnt bother you, what bothers you is that hes letting that get in the way of your marrage, and that you need some time for the two of you to get away, spend the day doing something or just stay at home and relax. i think that will help you a great deal! just talk to him, let him know you understand why he goes out and that you dont have a problem with that, but you also need sometime with him, if your not jumping down his throut about this then im sure he willn listen and you two can comprimise

Answer 9

If your husband wanted to be single, he should have stayed single. Mine use to do the same thing, 13 years ago. Our first year all he did was trot off to the bars and meet up with his friends, since I worked evenings....I didn't find any infidelity, but we fought constantly about him coming home drunk 3 nights a week. I told him if he is going out, it will be the nights that Im off and we go together, if he didn't like that, then I will be having my own nights out...he really didn't like that, but one night I did just that, and gave him a taste of his own medicine. He stopped. Hasn't been in a bar since.

Answer 10

OK, sounds like you have answered the question.
He prefers to go out, without you.
He prefers to go out and interact with other people.
Why would he want to?
This has to start somewhere so why not try and make it where he prefers to be with you.
Harder than you think....
You will have to ignore the thing(s) that he is doing that you hate, and you will have to become the "friend" he wants to hang out with, do the same things with.
And trust me, if he has chosen that he prefers other people to hang out with, that means you and he are not enjoying the same things in life. Also it might mean that he is being pushed away, do you nag? Honest. Think about that. Men don't like having every flaw pointed out. No one does.
Just some ideas...email if you want more.

Answer 11

Don't wonder, go according to your feelings. You obviously do not like it, it is affecting your marriage and you have to put a stop to it. It is definitely disrespectful.

This is not what you want, so you have to confront him. Tell him that you deserve more then this and you want it to stop right now. You will not have to fight, but explain how it makes you feel.

Always communicate with your husband in whatever you want changed. If your both in love, you will work it out together. Good Luck