Hubby and I were married 19 years ago. We had no money at the time so all we bought were very very inexpensive small gold bands for our wedding rings. No engagement ring. No diamonds etc. Well its been almost 20 years! And honestly I feel a little embarassed by it, like people look at it and think we are still poor or he never thought I was worth an upgrade. It just looks really out of place with what other women my age have and I actually dont even wear it anymore because of this. I wear a much prettier ring on that finger usually. Seems to be a problem lately with the hubby as well, he has recently stopped wearing his bc I dont wear mine ( so he says ). Am I being shallow? If I am, how do I get over it?
2007-04-27 06:16:10 · 33 answers · asked by undone 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In today's age with WOMEN'S LIB, I think you should step up. It is to late to get a POST wedding engagement ring -- after all the wedding has already happened almost 20 years ago. Who cares what the other women think. Did you marry the man that you love or did you marry the ring? Do I think you are shallow -- NO. Do I thin your priorities are in the wrong place -- YES. Start wearing your wedding ring and tell your hubby that you would love to see him wear his. I stopped wearing my wedding ring when my wife lost hers.
How do you get over it ... here's how? Now here is where I think you should step up (many men are clueless about certain things) and buy HIM the engagement ring and redo your wedding vows on the 20 anniversary.
2007-04-27 06:36:18 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are being shallow.
Who cares what "other women" have or don't have.
Realize that when you married it was not the ring bu the reason behind it that mattered.
It seems that you are showing your husband that is no longer the case. Are you embarrassed by his love and your relationship of the last 19 years? If not realize that is exactly what you are telling him with your actions.
You should wear that ring proudly and even if he decides to buy another one state that you would only take one if it can go on with the original one as that is the one that means everything to you. It is a physical tribute to your love and marriage, your commitment and faithfulness to each other.
If someone were to look at that ring and make a comment then you should glow with pride and say that when you first married it was all that you could afford but now that you have shared your love for 19 wonderful years you could not afford to belittle the meaning that band has for you and your husband.
As far as him not wearing his.....do you blame him? He is watching the woman he loves choose others opinions, shallow selfishness and pettiness over his love.
2007-04-27 06:25:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Wear your original wedding band, girl. You should be proud to wear it, and obviously your husband is bothered by this, so smarten up. If you so badly want more bling, you could have bought yourself something over the past two decades!
If the financial situation with you two as a couple is good, maybe start hinting you would like something special for your 20th anniversary - something in the gold and diamonds department. But don't be crass about it. Just hint, nicely.
I had to do this to get a very inexpensive but very beautiful ring for our 10th anniversary, because I badly wanted a commemmoration of that anniversary. We didn't have much money, but he found an awesome one for under $100 and with his great taste, it matches my engagement and wedding band very nicely. (Which by the way were relatively inexpensive as well.).
2007-04-27 08:29:00 · answer #3 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not shallow, you just put too much credibility into what others may think. If you've been married for 19 years, you're old enough that you shouldn't care what people think. A ring is a symbol and by you not wearing it, you're saying that the size of the ring is more important than what it represents.
Tell you husband you'd like an engagement ring for your next anniversary gift, but that band back on your finger.
2007-04-27 06:23:19 · answer #4 · answered by Ya Ya 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Actually, after 19 years - if you have the money - I think it would be nice for him to go out and surprise you with a nicer ring. Couples do that all the time. Did you talk to him about it? I understand how you feel and I do not think you are being shallow. It would be nice to have a new ring since it is something that you wear every day to show your love.
2007-04-27 06:42:07 · answer #5 · answered by Babycat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it should not matter what your ring looks like, why do you need a bigger one?so what if it's only a bad, like you said you did not have much money and he bought you what he could?since when did being married become all about rings?i married my wife an all she has is a simple white gold band and she happy and shows it off, you should Be happy with what you got and your husband may fell hurt because your embarrassed to wear yours, he bought you what he could and now it's not good enough, get over it it's just a ring, and so what if i does not fit in with others now a days did you marry him for the ring?be happy with what you got and be proud that you have one my mom married my dad and she still has no ring she says it's what the ring represents is what matters most.
2007-04-27 06:38:14 · answer #6 · answered by caMilitary_solja 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes that it a little shallow. Who cares what those other people think. That have no class at all if they are making you feel embarrassed about the wedding ring you have. Rings dont have to cost a ton of money to mean something. Just put your wedding band back on. And if they continue with their rude remarks that you are poor or your husband doesnt think you are worth an upgrade tell them to go to hell.
2007-04-27 06:23:59 · answer #7 · answered by Kari R 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Oh my gosh. Can't you be thankful for the good things you've had together? For a faithful man, for an ambitious man who pulled you out of the dirt so you could live comfortably? Have you ever tried to raise children alone because your husband found a floozy to be with instead of you? Have you ever tried to compete in today's working world? You have so much to be thankful for, and all you can concentrate on is a small gold band that this wonderful man gave you when he committed his life to your ungrateful self. I have a friend who would trade places with you any day and PROUDLY wear that ring that represents something she's never had -- TRUE LOVE. Go kiss your husband and thank him for all that he's done for you and wear that ring with pride. You have so much. You are so blessed. Who gives a rat's tail what your shallow friends think? You have so much!!
2007-04-27 06:23:00 · answer #8 · answered by Kyle 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I am not a material person and most of the jewelry I have is sterling silver and costume jewelry. I don't think you are being shallow at all. I don't blame you for wanting something nicer, you have been married almost 20 years and are obviously in a much better financial position. If you haven't mentioned it to your husband yet (like for a birthday, Christmas or anniversary gift), talk to him. Let him know that you are just wanting to have an updated wedding set.
Most guys need to practically be beat over the head to understand something and that is probably why he stopped wearing his ring. He took it personally, but all you need to do is discuss it with him. You could make it fun and go out together shopping for new rings for both of you.
2007-04-27 06:27:51 · answer #9 · answered by Aquaria 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Yes, you're being shallow and your hurting your husband's feelings.
You say you're not worth the upgrade, what's stopping you from upgrading your hubby's wedding band?
It's the marriage and the commitment behind those bands that is the important thing here. You should be thanking your lucky stars to have stayed married for so long.
You really should put your wedding ring back on...it symbolises your love and commitment to your husband.
2007-04-27 06:24:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋