How do you modivate a wife to work at a marriage? For me it just comes natural, always striving to grow alittle deeper. But how do you motivate someone that is fine the way things are, when you know it could be so much more? I come from a family of no divorce and lots of great memories, she comes from a family of divorce and lots of emotional pain.
2007-04-27 04:27:18 · 11 answers · asked by Nate 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, If I were you I would talk to her about your feelings. First you should take her on a romantic lunch date and tell her how much she means to you. Tell her your fantasies of having wonderful memories, tradition, and unconditional love like your family has. Tell you want to grow deeper in the relationship and tell her how. Never be offensive, don't make it feel like a lecture. IF she has no reason to put up her defence, she wont! Alot of people who come from broken homes fear utter happiness because they believe that they cannot handle it if they loose it. That is how I am anyway, but I am working on it;) Good luck to you, and I wish there were more men like you!!
2007-04-27 04:50:29 · answer #1 · answered by marywirthphone 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she thinks things are fine the way they are, let it be. The only time you are going to have to raise the issue of motivation is when there is a problem (one of you is unhappy or you have to deal jointly with an issue) so wait on that to happen. If she cooperates, give her credit. It's not a race! It's not a contest of strength! In fact, she may seem unmotivated to you simply because her concept of personal space is different. She may be happy that there is no emotional pain in your marriage but she feels content knowing she has some 'space' in that everything does NOT have to be discussed and negotiated. I say, let it be and be glad you have a calm marriage.
2007-04-27 11:34:11 · answer #2 · answered by kathyw 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
takes time and lots of patience. She has to learn to associate you (and the marriage) with comfort, pleasure, affection and support. All you can do is to keep reassuring her. Be physically affectionate as much as she can stand it - lots of casual touching and kisses, lots of compliments, hand-holding, etc. Try hard to be as non-critical as possible - when you have to criticise, even knowing how dangerous it's going to be, be as gentle as possible. She'll forget the 99 times you were loving, but remember each of the 1 times you were critical.. When she's angry, keep in mind that she's probably angry at someone or something else and just taking it out on you. Try to stay cool and let her know carefully how much that smarts. She has to want to stay, and you're going to have to work hard to make sure she doesn't have an excuse to go, until she finally begins to appreciate the marriage. There it is - if she and the marriage are worth it to you, and you realize that she'll change slowly and at her own pace, you can decide whether you want to settle down for the long haul.
2007-04-27 11:40:13 · answer #3 · answered by John R 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
loving encouragement. communicate your feelings & ask her for her feelings about issues you have in mind. you can't make it happen. she may be unsure of what could/should be done. she probably doesn't want to end up in a divorce like her family.
2007-04-27 12:06:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My only suggestion is couples therapy. It doesn't necessarily imply anything negative, but it will help you explore ways to improve the relationship.
2007-04-27 11:31:15 · answer #5 · answered by ropman1 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
She is what she is. Maybe you should look at yourself and think of how you can behave or treat her better so she can be more into the wedding.
2007-04-27 11:33:17 · answer #6 · answered by Sara K 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
talk about goal and things that you want to accomplis together. let her know how important she is to you and that i ttakes two to make it work. give her some positive ideas to work toward with you, it can def work!
2007-04-27 11:30:38 · answer #7 · answered by spadezgurl22 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her your not happy and you wont things to change or your off that usually gets them motivated
2007-04-27 11:33:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take your own steps, show her you are trying - and she will get the hint.
2007-04-27 11:35:32 · answer #9 · answered by I think I need a shower 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you can't make someone love you more deeply it's not possible to make anyone feel things they JUST DON'T.
2007-04-27 11:30:35 · answer #10 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋