custody matters and what would make u lose your kids?

Question

i have four teenage sons but one is 18 graduated and has his life already going good for him i have been a single mom since 96 when my ex walked out on all of us myself and four sons they were only 7 5 3 2 .i took full custody of them and i told my ex i was gonna sue him for cs he said if i did he would give up his rights i didnt know he couldnt do it. i was young when i had kids and got married i was only 15 and didnt know the law. well when he left like i said the boys stayed with me he seen them everyother weekend he would come back to the house and i would leave for the weekend cause he had no place to be with the kids.that went on for about 6mths .97 the custody matter was settled i got primary he got partial.he had every wednesday from 6 to 10pm,everyother wkend well he dropped the wednesdays and said it was to much.so he only seen them everyother wkend since 97 and holidays.there is alot to this story so i am gonna have to add info

ok so like i said i got primary he got partial he only took the kids when it was order he never called the boys during the week and when i asked him to help me when i had the boys involved in sports he told me he was to busy .this is how it was for years.


my three youngest sons are having problems in school i have been bending over backwards to get them all the help they need and can get.the guidance counsler said they are all teens they are responsible for doing all their work but i told them i have to do what i can for my sons i have been doing this for all of them since they started school and i am not just gonna quit.

i kept dad informed of all their grades for yrs.

well anyway in 96 something happened between my youngest son and his dad where my youngest was afraid of him and didnt want to see him so i did not force him .my other son and my youngest are like glue so he didnt go either.well my ex was only payin me 50 awk for four boys.i will continue this

cause when he walked out in 96 rem me tellin u if i sued him for cs he would give up his rights well that was all he was willing to pay it continued for 10 yrs i raised the boys all on my own...well after what happened with my sons and their father he decided to stop paying so i finally sued him thru the courts now that i did that he is sueing me for full support.

he is basing it on the grades the schools told me they will be behind me and tell the courts i have been there for my sons all the time...

back in 95 i collected make up work for my sons so they could bring up their work it was over xmas vacation well it was overwelming for 3 kids and all the make up work so i called dad cause they had him that weekend i said make the kids do this work well jan 3rd of 96 the school called me and said we cant give the boys credit i said why he said their dad did most of it ,when i called their dad him and his witch thought it was funny.

i have been going to iep meetings emailing teachers etc.

my soon to be 17 yr old hates school no matter what i do i cant get him to do his school work i went to the guidance counsler and told her i am worried about his future ,she told me u can lead a horse to the water but you cant make the horse drink but i dont her i cant give up on him .

she had told me about job corp i had sent info over to his dad he told him he doesnt like the sounds of it my son is gonna end up walking out of school when he is 18 he will sign himself out and i am afraid he will go in the wrong direction i am trying everything i can to prevent that and it seems like dad wants him to fail so he can blame it on me..i tried over and over to talk my son into staying in school he said mom i hate it i will be quiting when i am of age i told him i would rather you didnt but when your 18 i cant tell u what to do anymore but will u considered getting your ged and then a trade school

my son agreed for my younger sons there grades went up alot since dad is trying to take them from me as that being one of the reasons...i have been the one taking care of all my sons needs clothing,food,shelter.doctors appts ,er when they get hurt hey when he has them on the weekend if they get hurt he waits till sunday for them to come home to me to take them to the hospital or docs nice isnt it.

when my son got hurt in football he called him a faker so did his gf then they found out that he needed major knee surgery and then they were like we are sorry my son didnt want to hear it.dad told him he couldnt be there for his surgery but yet took a day off for his gf's son to get his foot checked that hurt my son so bad.

there is so much more this already so long im sorry.

all i am saying is i never neglected my sons , i dont do drugs ,and never been arrested for anything.

yes my ex is abusive he has anger issues .

we went to court had a modified hearin they order a home eval we both were suppose to pay 1050 i paid he didnt he was held in contempt and ask the courts to give him 6 months to pay .well april 19th was 6months.

he also lost his job and was permanently laid off do to poor workmanship and they let him go and told him he needed anger management.

i lived on my own with my sons for 9 1/2 yrs just my sons and i ,my fiance and i bought a home in 95 and i made sure my sons were fine with it before i did it.

i have been a full time mom since 96 i am and was always here for my sons they are my everything.

my ex told his x boss he doesnt really want the kids he just doesnt want to pay support,...well we were just up at the court house this week to modify his cs cause of him being jobless and on unemployment the support only went down $20 from the orginal cs he isnt happy.
my sons are 17 15 13 they already told there dad they do not wish to live with him

oh there is somethings i left out he is living in a home where my sons have no beds nor bedrooms.

he has a total of 6 kids he left his second wife in 2004 and he left her while she was 5 mths pregnant and they had another child he was 2 when he walked out went to a bar and never went home .

a few days later he was livin with the witch she has 2 kids they live in a three bedroom witch has a son and a daughter 11 and 5 sharing a bdrm and they moved in a handicapped women whom has the third bdrm.

so my sons have no rooms nor beds here they have everything they need

sorry about some of the dates on here when i collected homework and dad did it was in 2005 and my x and my son thing happend in 2006 thats when he stopped paying support and 2006 is when i sued for cs and then he sued me for full custody ....sorry for the confusion if i caused any

Answer 1

You don't have anything to worry about. You've been a great mom and any judge will see that. The kids are old enough to say who they want to live with.

Answer 2

Hi, You have nothing to worry about here. He has to prove you totally unfit to have the court remove your sons from your house. I dont see that here so it aint goona happen no matter how much he threatens or what he threatens to do, it just aint gonna happen. You need to inform the court of his threats or sue him for intimidation or harassment. You have gone way beyond the call of duty, so to spreak, for those boys and the courts know/recognize this and for your hard work the courts will not upset status quo. Dont fret over the support either. Its your eses problem on how he pays it and the courts dont care about him so let the arrearages add up and someday he will have to answer for those or face jail time, its his choice. If you can get written statements or such evidence on what you say above, like telling his boss he doesnt want custody just to stop support and the like, the courts would very much love to read those. It must be written, witnessed and notorized for the court to take them or its only hearsay and will be thrown out. Now if someone wants to be a personal witness in court then iys another matter and nyou cant do better than that unless the witness in no good. Just keep a diary of all yourcontact with details with him that you can. He also has to prove that he would be a better parental choice for the boys and I dont see that happening either with his anger problems. If all else failsask the Judge to le the boys decide who they want to live with. I guarantee you personally that you definitely have nothing to worry about here no matter what he says. The law in this case is fully on your side so use it anyway you can. Good luck, Art

Answer 3

Make sure you have a lawyer. Have the court find you one through Legal Aid if you don't already have one. Only deal with your ex-husband through your lawyer. Quit talking to him directly. He is and has been manipulating you for a long time.

Your children are old enough that any judge is going to want to hear their stories and is going to take what they want into account. After child support is granted (most states take a portion of the father's income) and visitation is set, that's it. That's the end. He has you under his thumb and it sounds like he just likes making you upset. If he should actualy go ahead (which I doubt he would do - I think it's all talk to bug you) and file for custody - let him. It's very expensive and I bet he will drop it before it goes very far. In any case, the kids are going to go to court to have their say and at their ages no judge is going to force them to live with a parent they don't want to.

You can't force your children to stay at his house every second weekend if they really don't want to. They are almost grown. After THEY tell their father they don't want to (not you), if he responds with anger verbally or especially physically, they can call the Police. The Police are not going to make them stay there either.

He is just using their schoolwork as an excuse to get at you. You are the custodial home and you have been completely involved in their schooling. You have nothing to worry about.

Do't let this jerk of a man threaten your happiness for one more minute. Be done with him!!

Answer 4

i can tell you as a child that grew up under a grandmother that loved to take me away from my mom that I can understand your frustration. I have two little girls now that are 5 and 6 and I was seperated from my husband for 3 years before we ended up getting back together. That was a messy time too and custody issues and threats were given. Let me first start off by relieving your mind. It is harder than hades to have your kids taken from you. ( my grandma suceeded because she bought off the judge...go figure). You literally have to show visible signs of neglect. If your childrens school knows that your working to take care of their needs, if different other groups out there know that your helping your kids, then they can not say that your an unfit mom. Participation in your children's lives is KEY here. Plus, your asking your help. I dont know your financial situation but if, monetarily speaking, your taking care of their needs. Then, again, you have nothing to worry about. I was not able to read the rest of what you wrote, but if you have not taken your ex to court already for child support then go ahead and do it because even if he gives up his rights or does not he is still on that birth certificate and he still has the responsibiity to pay you money to make up for his absence. On a side note, any money that he has already given you as payment, if that that is not court ordered child support, then the courts will consider it a " gift" and you can actually take him to court and sue him for back child support all the way back to when he left. Hope I helped.

Answer 5

If the ex does drugs, has a history of physical abuse, criminal felony charges etc. then he can lose all rights to them but that doesn't mean he can stop paying child support. He still owes back support so go to your local DA's office and they will point you in the right direction if he was court ordered to pay child support and isn't. He can be put in jail for criminal contempt of a court order. If you want him out of your life completely and the ex doesn't want to be responsible for the kids, you can remarry and the new husband can adopt the kids if your ex will voluntarily give up the kids to him. Those are the only real options.

Answer 6

I believe you..i've got self assurance for her infants. And afterward in life..they are going to be waiting to envision all approximately what mommy has executed. She became into not waiting to have infants, and now they go through as a results of fact of her. I certainly do not comprehend if she has hit all-time low yet. The issues she has executed those days proves she hasn't somewhat tried to decelerate or freshen up her act. I doubt it..yet i individually wish for her toddler's sake, that she will become a worrying, loving responible mom to her infants Her so called acquaintances are in basic terms like her..birds of a feather flock at the same time. What she does to her life and wreck her profession is nice..in spite of the incontrovertible fact that it somewhat irritates me she is selfish adequate to proceed doing all of it now that she has infants.

Answer 7

your kids are old enough to decide who they want to be with. if you go to court about it the judge will ask them who they want be be with.
as for him just taking them he has to ask you first and if you do not want him to dont let him for more than what the parenting plan states. if he never brings them back. take it to court and they will go get them for you.

Answer 8

Drinking too much,not having a job,doing drugs or abusing your kids.If you haven't anything to harm them then don't worry.