How are these song lyrics?

Question

alright it goes like

I remember, when you left me all alone
you couldn't even pick up the phone to let me know that you care
I remember, sitting here singing that sad song
it's the same one I'm singing today with nothing left to do and nothing left to say

and hey, hey, I gave you all I had
and hey, hey, you gave me just one drag...

Answer 1

take out the hey stuff it makes it sound popish
unless thats what you was going for
other then that its good

Answer 2

The rhyming isn't that good, but if it fit a rhythm guitar it would work.

Here's one of mine:

Now That I’m Ready For Love

Another year wiser, another year older
Another day empty, another night colder
Another squandered opportunity
But now that I’m ready for love, no one’s ready for me

I sift through these streets, filled with aimless dancers
In calm desperation, still searching for answers
Leaves green and inviting, new rings on the tree
But now that I’m ready for love, no one’s ready for me

Young maidens sense some hot wave of emergency
They marry and mate in a false sense of urgency
As the hurried home crumbles, the fingers point blames
And all hold back burned hearts as they re-alter names
Never considering a cause holding true
That someone like me could want someone like you
That someone like me could need someone like you
That someone like me could love someone like you

INSTRUMENTAL BRIDGE

Another year wiser, another year older
Another day empty, another night colder
Another squandered opportunity
But now that you’re ready for love, are you ready for me?
Ready for me?
Really ready for me?
Now that you’re ready for love, are you ready for me....

Answer 3

7/10 nice i like it...

Answer 4

toilet