For me to be on here with no one knowing who I am is one thing. But to go telling other people, any body details about your marriage to friends, family, co-worker, etc. is something I think is very wrong. I am talking about good things and bad things, where is the trust if I tell my wife something I would not tell anyone else and she goes and tells someone else. Do other people feel this way or am I all alone. Do you beleive in having a commitment of honesty, trust and faithfulness in your marriage?
2007-04-27 02:43:28 · 11 answers · asked by life is good and bad 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Before I answer, may I ask you a question? In all honesty, have you never complained to your best friend about your marriage or something your wife has done that upset you? If you NEVER have, I commend you.
That being said, however, most people are not like you. They are going to confide in friends and family if something is bothering them. They may be having a problem with one issue and before bringing it to their partner, they are going to want to find out if their complaint is warranted.
You see a lot of this in new marriages and it is not out of the norm.
I brag about my kids to whoever will listen. I do not have a wife to brag about (thank goodness), but while I was married and things were going well, I did sing her praises.
No, I do not think EVERYTHING that goes on in your marriage should be broadcast to the world, and i believe that your lines of communication between each other should be wide open. It sounds like somewhere along the way, those lines were either not fully cleared from the get-go, or have been closed slightly.
If it is a problem that bothers you deeply, talk to your spouse. Explain your felings and see if you can come to an understanding on the matter.
On the flip side, look at it like this: Right now, you are asking if it is ok to talk about your family issues with friends and family, but here you are telling a world of strangers your issues. Kind of a double standard, don't you think? I am not putting you down or trying to belittle your situation, but asking you to look at it from a different angle.
I believe, with a little more communication between you and your spouse, this issue you are having will be worked out and you will not feel like you are being betrayed.
Good luck
2007-04-27 03:03:38 · answer #1 · answered by bux_martinfan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it all depends on the marriage. Somethings that others don't talk about can help another couple going through the same thing. I don't go broadcasting stuff and my husband and I talk about what we are going to tell before we tell anything. My husband and I both had affairs early in our marriage. A lot of people will call it quits immediately when sometimes a marriage can survive that. Especially when there are children. Yes, my husband and I made a lot of mistakes, we started off so WRONG. But now after years of hard work, we are so right! We understand the need to safe guard your marriage. We understand why sometimes it isn't a good idea to maintain a relationship with people from your past. Many things that start out innocent can change to bad in a heart beat. If my and my husbands experiences can help to save even one marriage, it is worth it. As far as the good things, my friends are so jealous of my marriage, I make it a point to talk up my husband and brag about him. And I make sure he catches me at it sometimes. Same thing I do with my kids. Sometimes bragging about a good act is a lot more powerful than a thank you.
2007-05-01 02:07:45 · answer #2 · answered by Melissa C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you talekd to your wife about keeping the details of your relationship between the two of you? You need to clearly define what is appropriate to discuss among frineds/family and what is to be dsicussed between the two of you. if you are both young, your wife may not realize that certain topics are not meant to be discussed and if she is looking for outward opinion of things, this could lead to a problem or be the sign of one. Marriage is definatley built on trust, honesty and respect. Each and every day is a struggle to openly communicate - maybe you should make yourself more open to being talked to - listening is a huge part of communication!
2007-04-27 10:10:44 · answer #3 · answered by martiek7 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What happens at home, stays at home. Totally agree with you about the honesty, trust and faithfullness because of the commitment of marriage. Women who I guess are not all that mature, have a tendency to gossip with their girlfriends about their husbands, problems, sex lives, etc. - and I think that is horrific! What my husband and I have is amazing and special, and no one else should know any other details other than what WE choose for them to know. What my husband tells me stays with me, and the same for him with me. That is how it should be. That's what helps make a marriage special.
2007-04-27 12:05:36 · answer #4 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's one thing to pose a question here and quite another for a partner to betray your personal confidences to co-workers, friends or even family. You really need to talk with your wife and come to some understanding together about what should or shouldn't be taken outside your home.
2007-04-27 09:53:38 · answer #5 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I do believe that when a person tells the details of their marriage, their discussions, etc is extremely disrespectful; see, when my husband tells me something and or we discuss something it stays right where it is strictly between us. I need to talk about an issue I go directly to my husband and no one else; according to my book that's the way it should be.
2007-04-27 09:56:10 · answer #6 · answered by Laela (Layla) 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am currently battling this myself. My husband is talking to people at work, but the problem is he isn't talking to me. I think that if you wife is talking to you about things that is a good thing, but that she does need to respect your bounderies. Plus if you are ever to hang out with these people it could be awkward for you and that isn't fair to you. I think that as long as she is only talking about superficial things then that is understandable she just shouldn't try to make you look bad or lie about anything to get their sympathy. If you don't think she is doing this then you have to understand that we all need people to talk to-friends or not. But I will say that I do wish my husbands friends didn't know anything but that isn't fair to expect either. Hope this helps and makes sense.
2007-04-27 10:09:14 · answer #7 · answered by superwmn315 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is part of a blessing that goes:
"And when we quarrel, we shall involve no outsiders"
and in my humble opinion, that should be respected. I talk to my girlfriends about my husband and they talk to me about theirs but we don't ever go over the line and trash them. I think your wife needs to put a zip on her lips.
2007-04-27 09:56:30 · answer #8 · answered by Kitten 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Disrespectful. We have a term in our marriage and we call it "Family Business". It means anything you know only because you live here or are in the family. (That's why I love dogs so much!)
2007-04-27 10:01:41 · answer #9 · answered by Dovey 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree
especially bedroom details, it's between the two of you and that's it
there should be a safe bond with you and your partner that nothing cannot be shared but kept between just the two of you
it's total trust,,, violate that and someone is left scratching their head wondering why you don't share your feelings anymore
2007-04-27 09:50:56 · answer #10 · answered by ann s 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋