Domestic Violence Aftermarth!?

Question

My partner came home a few weeks ago and totally lost the plot, he was very violent towards me. (I did not provoke him at all)
I called police he was arrested.

I'm after some advise on how to pull through this kind of thing emotionally, as a women I feel so low inside, so worthless.

Can a man do this to a women and still love her.?

He has been for conseilling and is so much better and happier generally, we talk so much more, but sometime I just want to tear him round the flat by his hair infront of his child and see him pick himself back up again !!

Sensible advise will be gratefully received.

Answer 1

no
he does not love you
and he will do it again if you let him
stay away from him,!

Answer 2

well to start I'm deeply sorry that this is happening to you but did your child witness any of this hate that your partner has shown you? or do you think it 's a good idea to stay if he/she did see?
either way that decision is yours to make , if it were me I could not stay I would go and start my life all over . 1st I would get a protection order against him 2nd I would get papers stating that I have full custody of the (baby/child /teen) the kid and tell the court that he could only see the kid with visitation guidelines due to his temper and that with time he can get partial custody over the weekends , and don't forget child support too!
So do get busy you got alot of fixing to do!
BUT if you decide to give him a second chance and live together in the hope it would never happen For You babydoll ITRUELY DO HOPE SO cause there's a very little chance that he has learned his lesson and won't do it ever again . But I warn you He will always have that devil look in his eyes for you whenever He'll get angry with you, and if he does just talk VERY LOUDLY yet calmly to him stating that he is trying to intimidate you and that you are aware of his actions this should help you to control that demon inside of him and he should be aware of the feeling he gets when this happens. Oh! and before I forget no matter what get the custody papers drawn up and also follow witha complaint order so that there is a record of the incident with the police. Ifyou can please call or ask the operator for the number to pre-paid legal its a service that I know could help you inthis situation . It's a legal service that costs you no more that $25.00 a month and you get all the legal advise you need 24 hrs. a day.

Answer 3

Chances are, if he has hit you once, he will do it again. I ran a batterers treatment group for over a year, and I can't tell you how many times I've seen men "reform" only to go right back to being violent. I can have a guy sitting right in front of me saying that he has not abused his partner in the last week, and then I call the partner and he has gone and beaten her up again. It's not a matter of loving you or not loving you. There's nothing you can do to ensure he doesn't hit you again. Also it's nothing that you have done to deserve the abuse. An abuser's favorite words include "if you only did X and not Y, if you only didn't wear that makeup or dress that way, If you didn't push my buttons, and so on. Please, for the sake of yourself and your child, get away from this guy. Don't let him use your child as a reason to stay in your life. Any man who would hit a woman can hit a child. You do NOT want to expose your child to violence--kids retain a lot of what they see, no matter how young they are. Please use the internet to look up the Cycle of domestic violence, and see how your child's father fits the profile. Good luck!

Answer 4

It takes time to get throught this sort of thing. I would never go back to my ex husband, not even if someone paid me. I was in a abusive and manipilative marriage and it lasted 14 years, just because i was determined to get strong enough to leave him and make a better life for me and my children. I felt worthless and had no self esteem. I can only suggest that you find it in yourself to do the right thing and break away from him. I couldn't and will never trust my ex husband ever again. It has taken a further 5 years to get through all that has been done to me and heal. Please seek some counselling, you can't keep it all in, or it will manifest and get worse and worse,you have to let things out and accepts things, so you can move on. Life can be good, its what we make of it that counts. Your anger is only natural and i felt exactly the same ! Some men cannot help it they are not well, other are just cruel and vindictive. Please get some strength to do the right thing, get out !

Answer 5

Two wrongs won't make it right. I would say thats typical of a abuser. I hear a control issue is brewing. Maybe some guilt.
I'm very suprised there is not a no contact order of any kind.
I would advise for you to get the hell out of that relationship. If he refuses any help for his anger, I firmly believe it could very well happen again. I have seen this up close and personal enough times that I actually feel fear for your safety. I sure hope the power of prayer has seniority over this. Please Take Care.

Answer 6

i think that a man can and will do this to a woman, and SAY he loves her, but sadly enough, no, he doesnt. i split from my ex husband because he was abusive; my nose was broken 5 times, eye socket shattered, broken ribs, legs, stab wounds, etc. i finally had enough and filed for an Emergency Protective Order and kicked him out of the house. the judge required counseling for both of us.

the one thing i learned from counseling is that is IS NOT YOUR FAULT that he is like this. i know how you feel and that you really want to fix this relationship and make it "better." So many women think that if they change something about theirselves, or if the other person just talks to someone professional, theyll change.

they dont. abusers very rarely change, and it is highly unlikely that he will.

if you would like, you can contact me. i know how rough this is for you, and sometimes it is easier to talk to someone who has been through it. im going to leave some links to some really helpful domestic violence sources as well. best of luck, be strong and dont beat yourself up over this.

Answer 7

No - in no way is being violent towards a woman a sign of love, and if you think it is you need counseling. Statistics happen every day, do you want to one of them? No - leave him and whatever it was you two had alone - live your life without the fear of someone losing it one day and really hurting you - the relationship, no relationship, is worth violence and no woman should be without her self-esteem. God Bless.

Answer 8

you will get over this and live your life without him
even if this was the first time that he has been violent toward you it certainly wont be the last
how can he love you when he doesnt love himself for your childs sake you must move on
its too soon to say if counciling has worked but as an ex battered wife who forgave and forgave i wasted 10 years of my life on the loser he was always sorry and even went for counciling but i realise now that it was all just kiddams
best wishes to you and hope that you make the right descision

Answer 9

As a guy I am embarrassed to hear of your plight. I have never touched my wife in a confrontation and never will. He probably really regrets it but that doesn't help you. He can do it and still love you but whats going on in his head at the time of the assault overtakes all other emotions. I understand that you would like to see how he would handle it if he were in your position but please don't lower yourself to that point. On the worthless thing, may I say there are millions of guys like me who would never phyiscally or emotionally hurt their partners and if it happens to you again, please leave. There are a lot of guys who would make you feel loved, secure and happy. Good Luck to you x

Answer 10

my b/f did that to me in front of our 3 year old son. he broke my jaw and left me bloody and bruised. he then went back to sleep! this was all because his mother wanted him to do something (she lived across the road) and when she came over he hadn't done it yet so he took it out on me (this happened in front of her as well and she just walked out as if it was normal!!!) I felt soooo low and wanted to crawl in a hole and not come out. my son was crying and i was crying and that loser b/f went to SLEEP! i went and laid down with my son for awhile and calmed him down and when the loser woke up he was all smiles and asked me why i made him do it!!! can you imagine??? i didnt speak to him for several days and he didnt seem to notice. my family wanted to kill him when they saw me (i tried to hide from them for as long as i could) but when my mom came to the house she took me and my son to her house for a few days ( that was soooo peaceful)
anyway....you will always be on edge wondering if he is going to strike you or something worse. tell him this.....say something like "when you get angry i am afriad you will lash out at me again and i dont want to feel that way" make him promise to leave the house when he gets upset.
my son is 16 now and he still remembers that incident...you and your child may need some counselling as well to learn how to move on.
i got over my incident on my own and i wish i had of had someone to talk to and tell me what to do.
sorry this is like a novel but i thought you should know...you arent alone! this happens to women every day and some dont like to talk about it because it degrades them to admit they get abused.
hope this helps hun! take care!
p.s. i felt the same way you did. i wanted to rip his hair out by the roots and blacken his eyes! lol

Answer 11

You will always have "will he do it again" at the back of your mind. Do you want to live with that forever?