My sister has recently seperated as her husband of 30 years is having an affair.?

Question

I am trying to help her as she just doesn't seem to cope at all with her sadness - help!

Answer 1

30 years is a long time,she's probably wondering if her whole marriage has been a lie,what if he's had affairs all the way through? She will need time to grieve over what happened,this could be quickly or take years,you can only be patient.

Answer 2

Life sucks, wear a helmet. Are you asking WHY her hubby is having an affair and what to do about it? Or just how to help her get over it?

Let her cry - Hootie and the Blowfish

Good song, better advice. Cry till you can't cry no more. Don't let people interfere either. The types who want to "help" and try to distract you with meaningless activities. Like going "out" and watching everyone else being happy... Yeah, that sucks.
Like shoving "new" people into your face every waking moment... always a favorite. NOT.
Getting the "blue" person drunk on depressants... that'll make them feel better. NOT.

How about all you do-gooders, just back off, let us cry. Is that too much to ask??

And save your therapy BS for someone else...
"There are other fish in the sea..."
"You'll meet someone..."
"You're better off... "
"Think of this as a new beginning..."
"You know if it wasn't for Winter, there would never be a Spring...."

How about "SHUT THE F*** UP!!"

There are stages to move through, and trying to avoid them, or ignore them is unhealthy.
Not necessarily in this order, but equally important are the stages of:
Sadness, Anger, Denial, Remorse, Revenge, Loathing, Depression, Acceptance, Reflection, and finally you get back to Happiness.

Everyone has to travel the road, some sprint to the finish, some stroll along for years. Personally it took me 6 years to get to the end of the trail. But I still made it.

Answer 3

Just be there to support her, take her to her GP who may offer her anti depressents I refused those, after 20 plus years my ex went after having an affair, its like a death she needs to "mourn". There will be things that will make her remember she has to work through each thing a car trip, a train journey even a trip to the theatre. Eventually she will feel better. It took me and some others I know about 3 years to fully feel better and normal again. Tell her from one that knows there is light on the other side of the dark tunnel and its a lot brighter now than it ever was before.

Answer 4

Get her to a doctor. Family doctor. Then Dr. may recommend an anti-depressant just to get her through the depression for a while. I didn't say a psychiatrist at this point because it sounds like situational depression and you don't need to have a shrink delve into all that childhood stuff right now. She just needs some extra support. I am glad she has such a good brother. Take care.

Answer 5

it will take a while before she feels better, the man was a big part of her life, and she loved and trusted him, and now has found out her world wasn't the world she thought it was. just be patient with her, let her talk about her pain. it is always sad when this happens, and there is really nothing one can do to restore her loss's, or her faith in life right now. its a grief process that everyone of us who has lost a mate to an affair has to go through, and its not pretty or fun, its downright heartbreaking.

Answer 6

Having gone through this with my own sister I know how you are feeling - you feel helpless. Your sister will just want to talk and talk more - she is confused, hurt and angry and will go through many of these emotions in stages. As with anything it is all to do with time. Be there for her and be strong for her -she will need it untill she can be strong for herself and it will take time for her to sort out her feelings. This is something you can not help her with - you just need to have some very big shoulders to cry on and some very big hugs. She will get strong in time - proabaly sooner than you think. good luck

Answer 7

He is going through a midlife crisis.He going through his second childhood. Rebelling like a teenager against his wife and family. He probably feels he is chained to the past and fantasied that by finding another woman she will make him feel young again! Men don't realize that his real change must occur within himself and not found by running away. He doesn't see what a fool is making of himself and that is so sad after all the years they invest with a woman and just throw it all away. I can only imagine how terrible this must make your sister feel and even worse that she doesn't know why this is happening. Men are so dumb and vulnerable when they go through this in their life. As we get to the latter years of our marriages couples need to communicate more and understand the aging process unfortunately we don't. When men act out like this it is devastating! They are looking for the fountain of youth and search for it outside of the marriage. How heart breaking when a woman wakes up one day after thirty years with a man and he has become like a complete stranger! How dishonerable he treated her after all the good years of her life! It is a nightmare that you just want to wake up from and want it to just go away! Tell your sister that it is not her fault this is truly his own problem that he will one day have to come to terms with when he finds the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Often men push all their feelings of anger, fear ,guilt and shame aside and become dead to feeling the harm they cause to someone. They do everything to justify their actions in order to live with themselves. You would think that after thirty years with your sister he would have tried some marital therapy....if he had intime he may have understood this stage in life before he ruined everything. Please find your sister some help in dealing with her pain and loss she needs you more than ever now. Right now she doesn't see any light at the end of the tunnel but it will come. I know she is just sick about it but you are never to old to start over again with someone else. My siter was 63 yr's old and after 40 yr's of marriage has found the love of her life! Her life isn't over because of what her husband chose to do. Get her active ...walk with her and join an exercise program and make sure that she takes care of herself. If the both of you can go away on aliile vacation to get her away from the house. Be there for her when she needs to talk and express her pain. I am an older woman to, I know about these phases of life that men go through and the affects they leave on their spouse. I am reading and studing about it now and hoping through comunication and understanding that there will be some sort of interference i can ward off before it happens or could happen to my marriage. I have seen the heart break and many affects of the midlife crisis over the years that I worked on a stress unit. Just support her through this time and don't let her sit and dwell on it.....get her moving ,help her to get active. I am truely Sorry For Your Sister and she is lucky to have your concern. Best Wishes.

Answer 8

i am sorry to her that it must be really hard for her i couldnt imagine what your sister is feeling all you can do as give her all the love and strengh from yourself to her and let her speak how she is feeling and let her grief tell her life will get better as time go on and there are better people than her ex husband out there for her she can do alot better than him maybe she needs to concentrat on a hobby or something take her mind of her sadness i hope this hrelps alittle take care

Answer 9

Nothing but time can heal her broken heart. Just listen to her, and try to take her places to get her mind off what has happened. You are a good sister!!

Answer 10

Get her to Relate ; even thought he marraige is over they willbe able to help her cope with it and will be better than you (no offence) as they will beobjective.