Sex Crazed...I need serious advice?

Question

Ok.. before any of you start lending moral judgement, I want you to release yourself of stupid cultural sentiment and please answer this intelligently. Here is the deal:
I am a 32 year old male.
I love my wife unlike any woman. I've never seen another woman as beautiful nor as perfect for me than her. I've been married for almost 5 years, but I still crave sex from other women. I don't crave emotional attachment, I don't want feelings.. I just want to have very animalistically sex with another woman. Just raw. I've tried not thinking about it.. but it is not working. What the hell is my problem or what the heck should I do. Cheat and find out it wasn't all it was cracked up to be and bear the guilt (even worse.. loose my wife).. or screw. This sex drive is very deep rooted within me. It is within my makeup. I feel instinctively sexually insatiable.
Any help appreciated.

Btw.. I already have crazy sex with my wife and she loves every bit of it. Trying to think my wife is someone else is a bit futile for me, because I know the difference.

By the way.. I've already tried to imagening my wife as being someone else. It doesn't work because there is slight problem with this (at least for me). When I make love to my wife.. I AM REALLY making love to her.

Answer 1

Chances are you need to speak to someone.

Its not sexual at the pt where its interferring w/ your life you know--its got something to do w/ what are you craving--obviously sex--but is that just a "symptom"?

So go see your doc.

Answer 2

I understand your situation.... you're looking for some "strange". While everyone else is thinking have your wife fulfil your fantasy... that's technically not possible because your fantasy is with someone else. Someone smells different, moves different, does different, things differently shaped.....etc... I completely understand.

Some guys just have the strong motivation.... unfortunately it's a bit of animal instinct when you think about it what male of any species out there doesn't procreate with every e-mail he can find. Even some religions have tried to sneak it in by practicing polygamy. I can just see the original developers of that church sitting around a table of all guys (women are never allowed to attend these things) and saying okay about more than one wife..... okay... ya that sounds good. It was based on sound biblical ideas... I mean if you look at a Abraham had concubines... Moses, David and Solomon all had wives and concubines... just gimme that old time religion. But unfortunately live in today's world... where we've sort of abandoned those old teachings in inventive new ones.

A lot of man's desire to be with other women is quite strong and certainly sometimes it gets the best of them. Some guys might just want to prove they can still get someone new other guys just have a strong urge to be with someone different. Some people choose to swing.... or swapped partners with some other couple. It avoids the cheating issue but can you handle the jealousy you might have won the other dude is hung like a Shetland pony. What's good for the goose is good for the gander....

If you have a follow-up question or one that's a bit more personal and you want to send privately you can e-mail me directly by clicking on my picture and then click on my e-mail link through Yahoo answers in my profile

AdviceMan

Answer 3

your feelings are not uncommon. most men have them at least at times, and many women do to. feelings don't make you a bad person.

you have two basic options:

1) cheat on your wife, live a lie and, sooner or later, make both of you miserable. A lie -even one thats never confronted - creates a barrier that can never be totally healed.

2) take the love of your life into your confidence so that she may see how much you love and trust her, and so that the two of you can work on this together. Be fully open with her and be patient with her as she absorbs this -it may be a shock, and hard to understand at first.
The solutions you come up with may look like a sex life that takes on some new dimensions, and it may also look like you and she going to a counseller (which is almost never a bad thing. just make sure its a competent, open-minded one).
It might even include some form of polyamorous relationship (such as an open marriage). Stranger things have happened, and among *fully consenting* partners (means no cajoling) it has a long history of success.
It could even come about that if you absolutely can't find a path that works for both of you that you'd split up - but even that fate is better, healthier and can leave all parties with their self-respect intact if it doesn't involve cheating and lies.

Whatever the solutions, the important thing is that you find them together, as a loving trusting team.

Answer 4

OK, sex crazed dude to sex crazed dude, here's something to think about:

Fantasy is normal. Really. My sex drive doesn't turn off it just goes into low drive from time to time. That being said, you're right. Going outside the marriage is a bad idea. Breaking up the marriage for a little action on the side is bad news

What you can do is use that highly charge sex drive to push your marriage to new sensual heights. Pick a person that you've seen and put together in your head the most raw, animalistic fantasy you can think of. Then, once you have it framed in your head, figure out how to do those things to your wife. Directing that sex drive and imagination at your wife will do two things: Allow you to exorcise that image from your mind and it will also signal your wife that she is special to you, which may in turn get her to unload a few fantasies of her own on you one night.

Answer 5

Men aren't the ones who have insatitiable sex drives. Women do too, and they are more of us than you know. But I believe that those types of needs are present because of the sexual experiences that they had at a young age. For me it was abuse starting at 4, for my brother it was early exposure to porn. And I meet others who share similar stories. Most boys (and girls) who are in this category (those I have met) also started masturbation at an early age. (2nd grade for me)
I think that because I did not have a "healthy" sexual experience until I was married, I still had all the fantasies that I had built up in my head at what my married sex was going to be. Needless to say, I didn't reveal my insatiability until after we'd been married for four months. My husband went along for a while, but he thought that something was not quite right about that type of expression, and after that we only had relations during my "peak" times that I could get pregnant. After the miscarriage, it only happened one more time. That was Christmas Day!
Since we have been separated, I have been in multiple therapy groups, and there is where I found that my sex addiction came because I had made that type of "plesure" my "nirvahna". But my belief is that even if I could get all the sex I wanted, I still wouldn't be satisfied, because it wouldn't fill the emptiness that follows encounters like those. What does need to fill it? You should go into counselling with your wife, and find out what that thing needs to be. BTW, Check out a book by John Eldridge called "Wild at Heart" I think you might get a lot from it.

Answer 6

Oh my gosh the last thing you want to do is imagine that your wife is another woman...if she should find out that you were fantasizing about another woman during sex she will feel as though she's not good enough. Introduce your desires to your wife but do it a little at a time. Dont scare her off. Always talk about it first "Honey lets try something a little different tonight" Start small....perhaps with a little smack on her rear or a tug on her hair....if she is into that chances are she can be coaxed into wilder stuff. She's your wife. I'm sure (being a wife myself) that she loves you and wants to please you. It's part of that adoration that women feel for their mates. Good luck and have fun...but have it with your wife.

Answer 7

Not long after I remarried, my husband told me that there are lots of other ladies out there and to not assume that he would just be looking at me. And I be darned if that isn't the truth. There is something about that fact that makes me feel less. Who knows if he would or has cheated on me. The simple fact is that I know he likes to look at other women and that he probably does fantasize often about them. Trust me, if you love your wife and think she is as beautiful as you say you do then all those desires that have built up inside you...give it to her. Any fantasies you may have, make them a reality with her. Sometimes after marriage, you realize that what you have at home is good, but you sure wouldn't mind having a little something different. A change of pace I guess. But please don't. My first husband loved the ladies as well, but was a terrible liar. He at one time came home and forgot to wash his face if you know what I mean. He reeked. That kind of stuff will devastate a marriage - it will kill a marriage. And for the most part, women can just sense things. Stick with your wife. From what you described, she is a good one :).

Answer 8

Would it help if she went and got some different clothes, a trenchcoat, and a wig/sunglasses? Then you could have a secret rendevous in a back alley or a bar and maybe she could even try an accent.

It might help satisfy your need and she might like a little of the role playing of it all as well.

Answer 9

have you tried to talk to your wife may be you could satisfy your need by roll play or some form of sexy game that involves you and your wife with different name and dress in some clothes that you would not usely wear and see if that helps if not go speak to a professional

Answer 10

Guys are normally hardwired to want to screw most anything that moves. You're normal. Don't cheat. Talk to your woman. Communication is key. You need to have animalistically raw sex with your woman...think about banging her. Tell her you want to bang her. Tell her you want her to be a nasty wench and do things to you. Buy toys together, watch videos together, find places to do it together...etc. Tell her that you need this and that its important to you. Tell her she is beautiful and sexy!!! Everyday if you have to. Ask her for help. www.theromantic.com