2 career minded people?

Question

I have always put my career first, I am not that interested in having kids, and I work 12 hours a day...i love my job and my industry. My boyf does eventually want kids, he works exactly 40 hours a week, no overtime, but makes a lot more money than I do. He thinks that if we get married, because he makes more money, we should nurture his career first, if that requires moving, etc. I find this decision difficult because even though he does make more money, I have very high career goals that I want to achieve and my view is that since he clocks out right at 8 hours a day, never overtime, that he does not care as much about his job as I do. I do not think that I will ever make more money than he does. I am not sure what to do! I would hate being a stay at home mom, that is just not me! I would love it if he would be a stay at home dad and I could keep working my 50-60 hour work weeks. How does a couple of very career minded people make it work??

Answer 1

I can't see any reason for you to marry anyone, and certainly not this guy. This attitude that he should call the shots because he makes more money is tyrannical and should be an instant disqualifier; it's amazing to me he'd get involved with anyone as ambitious as you in the first place.

On the other hand, I have to challenge your assertion that your long hours proves you care more about your job. Maybe he has the same level of passion but he works at a more humane company that doesn't want highly compensated people burning out at age 40.

To answer your question, any couple makes it work by avoiding power struggles and accepting that both people have the right to as much fulfillment as possible. For example, if both people hate being a stay-at-home parent, then neither should be coerced into the role. The typical solution to that conflict is day care for the kids.

I think if you got a mediator you could stop the power struggle and enter serious negotiations. Maybe you could work out some compromises that weren't 100% satisfying to both of you but at least spread the pain equitably. Or maybe you'd find logically that the relationship wasn't important enough to you to make those compromises for it.

Answer 2

Okay, first, if you don't want to have kids, don't have kids. The world doesn't need anymore unwanted children.

Second, your careers. You'll have to come to some sort of compromise. Of course, he wants his career to go first and you want yours first. He probably thinks he can put his career first because he plans on knocking you up and making you stay home with an annoying child for a couple of years.

Really, from your question alone, I can't even fathom why you want to marry eachother.

Answer 3

Only a problem if the two of you make it so. First, you have to be comfortable with your own decisions. The way you put it, sounds like you put your career ahead of your relationship. This isn't necessarily bad...but you discuss wanting something for yourself that seems to differ what your boyfriend wants for himself and/or the two of you. So, maybe the question is what kind of relationship do you want with him? It's not really about wanting kids or making m money, it's about fulfilling your own dreams and living them. So live your dream, but be sure you know just what that dream really is. Then go for it.

Answer 4

you guys just have to make some 'us' time, without that i dont see you people still together in the near future. Careers are important, but so is a relationship u dont wanna lose, think about it.

Answer 5

NO!!! U mentioned loving work and caring that much about your career/goals. Notice not once about loviing him nothing about future plans with him was happy. There you allready know the answer.

Answer 6

try to go to his job and do what he does, or the hands on training is also good to learn and advance jobs.

Answer 7

go phuck