If you knew a child wasn't yours, would it be hard to love that child like you love your own children?

Question

My boyfriend at the time, except me as a package. Meaning I already had a child. We are now married, and, I had his 2 children. He feels there is no bond between my 1 child that isn't his. But you would think, there was a bond, it's been about 8 years. should I be upset with this feeling he has? Then I'm like no, I understand. I would probably feel the same. But at the same time I feel crush that he feels this way.

Answer 1

He's only being honest with you love.

Answer 2

It's NEVER a child's fault where they came from. But if your boyfriend is going to be a good father, he has to care about his step-child too. That little kid needs a dad and why would any human being turn a child away just because it wasn't biologically related? How could ANY man be so cruel and selfish as to show love and attention to the 2 he fathered, and not embrace your 1st child too?

I do NOT agree with your boyfriend. If he doesn't take your first child under his wing and give him or her the support a child needs from the father-figure in its life, I think he's being a heartless, selfish jerk. Your first child is a part of you just as much as your 2nd and 3rd children are. If he loves YOU he will love your 1st child to prove it.

It is NEVER too difficult to love a child, no matter where they're from.

Answer 3

I think it depends on the person he is. I'm sorry to hear this and no, I don't think every man is like this. I have a friend who had an affair and she fell pregnant. No one knows who the father of the child actually is, but her husband forgave her and accepted the child has his own. And the child is very difficult - made their life hell. But never a word has passed from his lips, other than in one discussion, he said "she's my daughter" and that was that.
So it's a pity your husband feels this way or that he felt the need to say this. It is a hard thing to bear, but I suppose perfectly natural.

Answer 4

I took in 2 children that were not mine and I love them like my own. This guy has choosen to feel this way, and I'm sure the child feels this distance. You can't force anything. But you can gently, although 8 years too late, let him know how you feel, and how the child feels and he will or won't try to soften his heart.

Answer 5

I am surprised he feels no bond. Most people do after raising a child for eight years. I don't blame you for feeling crushed. I hope that, at least, he treats your child well.

Good luck to you honey, it is hard, I know.

Answer 6

If thats how he feels, you need to get used to it. Maybe suggest a bonding day. They can go out together and have some quality time!!

Answer 7

Well, alot of that depends on the man he is. It may all stem from jealously over that babies father. if you let that kid know that he should respect his step father the same as his own dad, he'll come around...maybe. just make sure that kid never says "you arent my daddy" because as a step dad those are hard words to hear.

Answer 8

if he accepted u then he must accept in toto meaning thereby that he should have to accept your previous child.although i don't know exactly problem may arise becoz of u ,u might show greater inclination towards your previous child (in order to compencensate neglect of father) & that fuels alination of your husband towards said child.However my sincere advice is that u should be more tolerant to your husband ,one day he would understand that all 3 r his children.

Answer 9

i am in the same place as you - i had a baby girl - then married a guy, had two more boyz, he even wanted to adopt her , but nothing, got heavy for awhile (teen yrs), she is now 18 and my boyz are now 11 and 9 - and i am gramma now she is a wonderful girl and my husband knows it too

Answer 10

actually there is no right or wrong to his reaction. its just human. all depends on how u look at it. lets say if u put yourself in his shoes, if u can shower e kid wif all your love, dat doesn't mean he will. every one of us is different in one way of another. dun expect too much of him then. i understand how hurt u are. but dat is just life, isn't it? there is no way to make him change. i guess wat u can do is to continue to shower e kid your love and dun read too much into wat your husband told u. good luck :-)