Ok I need some advice for my friend...?

Question

I have a friend who cheated on her husband with her husbands brother. She has decided at this point not to tell him. I advised her to come clean about it but she says that her husband is mentally unstable and wouldn't be able to handle this kind of information at this time. She says that she is afraid that if she tells him, he might do something to harm himself. What does everyone think she should do? I know under normal circumstances, the right thing to do would obviously be to tell him, but in the event that he's the way she's described, does anyone have any insight as to what would be the best thing to do? Please no smart comments. I know this is absurd but she actually did indeed make that huge of a mistake and I really need advice right now as to how to guide her. PLEASE HELP!!!!

Answer 1

Whats done Is done and cannot ever be undone. I don't really know what advice to give. I unfortunately was not to long ago In this situation. But I am not married. I have been with my partner 8 years and have children with him. It was me who cheated and I did tell him. He ( like your friend is worried about) did try to take his life. If It wasn't for his Sister walking In on him I doubt that he would be hear today. I live with that guilt everyday and my partner Is far from over It. He cries at the slightest thing and rings me 10+ a day. I can not go out for an hour without him ringing me to see what I'm doing and who I'm with. This Is no way to live for either of us.

What ever your friend decides to do It will take all her strength and It will be a very hard road to travel. She Is lucky to have a friend like you to help her through It.

Answer 2

Your situation is indeed a dilemma and it provides a good "example" of what difficulties and problems come from being unfaithful to each other. When the act of unfaithfulness is going on, it is easy to forget the consequences. But consequences are indeed what follow our choices.


The fact that your friend is cheating suggests the obvious: that there are problems in your friend's marriage. Perhaps your friend and her husband can seek some marriage counseling. In such a setting, the revelation of the cheating can take place in a "controlled, manageable" environment.
Letting the husband know is important if your friend wants to right a wrong. It may be hard, it may create a difficult response from the husband, but in order for change and growth to occur, it needs to happen.

Answer 3

I would tell her not to say anything. She should end the affair and work on being a better wife and person. Sometimes people only come clean about affairs to relieve their own guilt. Unless she plans to leave the marriage, there is no point in devistating this man or breaking his heart. I am against extra marital affairs, but it sounds like she made a mistake and wants to work toward the posotive.

Answer 4

Perhaps the best thing would be for his brother to tell him
this is a prime example of what cheating on your spouse
does, your friends life is going to get a little bit tougher
but the truth needs to come out because believe me
one day he will be with his brother and it WILL come out.

Answer 5

First of all this is her mess, why are you taking it on? You may be a good friend but you gotta let her learn her own lessons. She needs to go into counseling immediately. It sounds like her marrage was already a mess before her big mistake. She needs to disolve the marriage as it doesnt sound like a salvagable one. The counselor will be able to help her do this.

Answer 6

Is the affair over? Will the brother tell? Some things you take to the grave. Besides I can't see any good in telling him. It will make your friend feel better, but it will not help the relationship. Ask God for forgiveness and make it up to your husband by never doing anything like that again.

Answer 7

wow. thats a tough one because there is not going to be any way of saying it that is going to prevent him from flipping out. How are their communication?? Do they comminicate good? I know he probrally wont be able to handle ( who would? ) to hear something like that. I think she should go see a counselor or psychologist and ask them what she should do. Unfortunally everything in life comes out to the light. and its going to be worse if he hears it from someone else because he is going to feel betrayed, lied and humilated. So i think she should find the right time to come clean and tell him that she is sooo sorry and really make it up to him. Its better for him to find out from his own wife than from some other people

Answer 8

I concur with Bighelp's advice on this one. You may be a great friend, but meddling in such affairs of the heart and mind will bring you much pain and anguish--even the loss of your friend. I suggest professional therapy and counseling for the cheated spouse.

Answer 9

Aight look Boo there is something wrong with this whole pic they are married the devil was all up in that marriage. Somebody wasn't praying. Anyway I wouldn't because I been married before love hurts I know he loves this women he wouldn't married her. Especially if hes soft sorry being mean I see shes runs over him. She would have to pay for that not him Please tell her too seek counseling it works!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

This forum is the wrong place to go with such a question. The clear answer is repentance, which normally requires confession to the wronged party. If it's OK to postpone this step in this case, only God knows for sure. Prayer is the right approach to finding the answer. He will tell her, not you, the answer in her mind and heart if she sincerely asks.

If she's LDS, she should immediately confess to her Bishop and ask for his counsel.