I need help again ...????

Question

So like yesterday I said I was having problems with my man ... well I'm not sure if we are still having problems or what ... today we had sex for the first time in almost a week because we haven't been getting along, well anyways I asked him if I was just a piece of meat or if we was good and he won't answer me for a while then finally he said he just wanted sex. Well then I asked him if he still loved me and he said yes and he will always. Then I asked him if he still wanted to be with me and he never answered me. I asked a few more times before he went to work and he still never answered me. By the way we have been married for 4 years and together for 8 years. Please someone give me some advice, good advice if possible. Also we have a two year old daughter together. One more thing PLEASE ONLY SERIOUS ANSWERS AND DON'T BE JERKS ABOUT IT NEITHER!!!!!!!!!!

So actually I guess what I want to know is what do you guys think? What do you think he is thinking? Do you think I have a chance to make things better? Do you have any advice on what I can do to make it better, and please don't tell me to give him a BJ because I don't need to hear that.

Answer 1

I hope that you're open to this advice:

1) stop nagging him to "say" he loves you, or whatever - actions speak louder than words.

2) Every day, tell him something you appreciate about him, whether it's taking out the trash, or picking his socks up off the ground.

3) Have a little life of your own - when your world revolves around someone else, they get stifled.

4) Don't have deep discussions after sex.

Do this for 6 months, if he's not a changed man, then you will know for certain - but if he's decent, your marriage will be wonderful.

Answer 2

I don't know if anyone can really give you the answer. I'm a guy married 26 years. All I know is that you can never solve your problems if you stop talking. The only way you can do that is to create an environment where he can really be himself and know that there will be no negative consequences if he says what is really on his mind. (There is a great book about this called "Crucial Conversations" that you can probably find in your library.) I think you have to have the courage to ask what he really thinks and be prepared to listen without reacting to whatever answer comes out. It may be very painful but the truth is better for making decisions. Remember, you are probably doing this most for your daughter. I wish you success and hope your marriage survives with serenity and happiness.

V.

Answer 3

Well, in my opinion, if someone was badgering me incessantly with the same question, I would hem and haw a bit too, because I don't like being boxed in by anyone, even my husband. I would let them stew a bit for asking the question.
I know it will not sound nice, but if he said he loved you and always will, it does not mean that he can handle living with you. There are a lot of couples who swear undying love for someone, but can't stay with them to preserve sanity.
Try some marriage counseling to get everything out in the open, and if he doesn't answer your verbal questions, don't pester him over and over.
What I like to do is write a letter to my husband with all of my concerns and feelings poured out. I give it to him and tell him I love him and walk away. Let him read it when he wants to, and when he is ready to answer you, he will seek you out or write you a letter in response.
This sort of reminds me of a song from a while back where two people sit across from each other at a diner and write down what the other wants...they are going for a divorce, but all they can write is that they want the other's heart again.
Men do not respond well to expectations, or ultimatums, but this helps in my marriage when things get rocky...
Give it a try.
Good Luck!

Answer 4

Something just doesn't seem right. There is something going on that you are not stating or you don't know. I suggest that you both go to counseling together and figure this out. I feel that if he was seeing someone else that he wouldn't have sex with you if he just wanted sex. He could get it from the other women. Pray and seek counseling. Most churches will offer it for free, or you can speak to the pastor of the church. That is what I do when I have problems.

God bless and best wishes!

Answer 5

the first casualty of arguement / fights is intimacy
and once that area has been touched, then it becomes a long road back to the state where he really want to be with you and you want to be with him
there is an old addage
never go to bed angry
and for good reason
the bedroom is sanctuary and a respit from the world of work
the kids and what not
it's the place where you and him connect and reinforce your marital bond
destroy that and you effective begin destroying the marriage
a little bit at a time
men need sex
so do women
but often women use sex as a tool, to get things, as a leverage in arguements by holding back
keep in mind he works for the family
he needs reassurance that all is well
no guy likes working with a cloud over his head
this is how affairs start
he possible interact with another women
usally it just talking
he needs to communicate, to vent
a women sees the trouble he is on and becomes the shoulder to cry on.. when you should be that shoulder..
but he feels like he cannot ( for whateve reason ) talk to you.. and fully trust you with his problem...
and by you asking him if you were a paice of meat and if he still loved you, you get him thinking.. and he may feel like you do not take him for face value, that is you may not make him feel wanted, as a man wants to feel wanted..
sure he may go through the motions
he may get up
go to work
feeds the kids
what ever his routine is
but inside the damge has been done
and then he thinks about the girl who talks to him
she is non judgemental
she may complement him
and he feels like he has not felt in a while
and thats how it starts....

you must go into damage control mode
you must also realistically assess youself and him to see what is causing your problems to get him to feel like he is wanted by you

Answer 6

sounds like the two of you are not doing so well on the communication part of a relationship*
COMMUNICATION HONESTY AND TRUST are the keys to a long healthy relationship, without those you have nothing.
Sit your man down , not before he leaves for work and not the second he walks in the door...make some quality time for just the two of you* Make a special dinner..and talk with him. Find out what things it is that' he would like to see improved to help your relationship* He has mentioned he wants 'sex'.. tell him you' d love to make love with him*, get things out in the open. That's the only way things will improve and your marriage can survive*goodluck

Answer 7

I think something is very wrong.

I cannot say for sure what's going on, because, obviously, I don't know the either of you. However, I do feel if he says he loves you, that yes, he does. Love though, can be used in so many ways. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but it doesn't sound like he loves you like a husband should. He loves you because he cares. It sounds like this marriage needs some serious work, with a professional. Otherwise, it's not going to work.

Best of luck to you and your husband. Please find someone to help.

Answer 8

Having sex yesterday does not solve anything.The problem is still there by the sound of things.He can't answer your question so I think that's your answer.If he wanted to be with you he would have said so.
By saying he just wanted sex,he used you for his own purpose.Don't try to hang onto someone who doesn't want you.You're worth far more than that and deserve more too.
You need to sit down and have a good talk with him and get him to tell it straight.Let him know how you feel and get him to be honest with you no matter what the outcome.You need to know where you stand with him.
Since he said he loves you and always will,he owes you that much. and your daughter also.
I wish you the very best.

Answer 9

It would sound to me like he is not telling you how he really feels about your relationship.....and to be truthful if he said he just wanted sex then I cant see how he can say he TRULY is in love with you. Granted there are times when a couple just has "Sex" but those couples also "Make Love" Most of the time....and there is a HUGE difference between the two.
It may be time to tell him that things must change or it is time for you both to move on.....life is toooo dam short to spend it with someone who truly does not love you.
Best of luck

Answer 10

Hey the only thing to do is just to keep at trying to communicate. Don't let him withhold and withdraw. A marriage is two people working at things, talking and communicating about hopes, dreams, hurts, wants and needs. Look I don't know his problem. What I do know is the only way to solve it is to talk to him.