her real father did not come into her life till she was 9 mo. old. My husband and i have been dating since she was 2 mo. old. he takes financial responsibility and carries her on our insurance. her bio-father doesn't pay his child support like he is supposed to and refuses to hold a job and carry insurance.
2007-04-26 11:43:19 · 54 answers · asked by im done 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
As long as she started doing this on her own, then yes. I have 4 boys, thought they are all grown up now, but they consider my husband (whom I have been with for 17yrs.) their father. He has been the one that has been there for them. And if your husband has been there for your daughter since she was 2 months old, then to her he is her father.
2007-04-26 11:50:48 · answer #1 · answered by lily_florance 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its OK if he's the only father figure that she knows, but....
My brother married a woman with a young son, who's father was not anywhere in the picture, and he calls my brother daddy. When he was four we were at a family Christmas party, and he went around telling everyone he has 2 daddys. We all knew so we just said "Wow that kind of special, isn't it?".
The point is it will not be a dark family secret that he might find out some day. If there are other people that know it might come out by accident, or someone might use it in spite. Better she knows up front. Tell her that there are sometimes two daddys - the one who helped Mummy make you, and the daddy that lives with you and loves you and mummy.
Do not run her Birth Father down, but if she asks questions do try to be honest.
About the child support. Get the agency to garnish his wages, that way when he is working , your child gets something. He has to support the child he made.
2007-04-26 12:00:37 · answer #2 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I wouldnt put anything in her head at a young age. My Mom mused to teach us to call men daddy and we resent her for that now, I have a daughterb from a previous relationship who is now 9. When she first called my new husband daddy I sat her down and explained that she has a real father and should always respect that, however if SHE truly looked at Shawn as a daddy then she was welcome to call him that. I told her she shouldnt feel obligated though, it should be her choice. She said she loves him and he plays the role of a good daddy so she wanted to call him that out of respect. Mind you ahe was merely 6 when we had this discussion. But I think that is old enough to catagorize someone. I never made her do anything or recommended it, I let her make that decision on her own. I think not only is it right, but I see that she can make respectful decisions on her own. She did it because she loved him not because I did and that is important.And if the child is young let them do what comes natural,just make sure you explain to them later about their bio. father so it doesnt come back on you later in their life. Withholding info. like that from a child will bite your butt later. And also be thankful that you found a man decent enough to accept responsibilty that wasnt his. It is hard to find a man now days who can love a child as his own without showing resentment to the child. It is awesome that you are so lucky and I wish you the best.
2007-04-26 12:09:14 · answer #3 · answered by dydasgirl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honestly, I'm going to say NO.
Her BIO-father is around. Although he doesn't seem to be cream of the crop....you chose him. HE is her father, and maybe he didn't come into her life until she was 9 months old, but if you look at OTHER scum fathers who don't come into their children's lives until 20 or older....maybe you should be happy he's there at all.
Just because he isn't the greatest father, doesn't mean you should revoke his rights as her daddy!!! You didn't say how old your daughter is now.....but if you had her calling your husband daddy from 2 months old, then she ISN'T doing it by choice, but rather because that's what she's been TOLD to do!!
My fiance's ex is scum as well!! She doesn't have a job....she had one for about a week since their daughter was born. She is just a horrible person, and in my opinion a terrible romodel for anyone, even her own child. HOWEVER, my step-daughter will NOT call me mommy, because she already has one!!
I care for SD and I love her very much! Just because she doesn't call me 'mommy' doesn't mean there is no love there.
I guess it is really your call....but perhaps you should be asking her bio-father, and not a bunch of strangers on Y/A.
If it were my child, I would be uncomfortable with another person coming into his/her life and taking my title.
And like I said before.....YOU chose him, she is just product of him....you can't confuse her because of your mistake...
2007-04-26 12:04:24 · answer #4 · answered by jezyka 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
That is a tough one there. I am going to assume that your daughter is still very young. I want to commend your current husband for being the daddy that he did not have to be. It takes a special man to do that. As far as your daughter.. I would not encourage it but i am not sure that i would discourage it either. She will do what she is comfortable with. Does the birth father see her regularly? It is so easy for a child to get confused. I think that your daughter probably sees your current husband as daddy and her birth father as just that daddy guy that she sees every now and then. I wish you much luck in your situation and hope that all works out.
2007-04-26 11:49:59 · answer #5 · answered by Dee 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
YES..it should be up to her and him...she must be feeling very good about him and would like to have a daddy to enjoy in her life....so whats the harm...at nine months old what should she know...her father may have done the fathering, but your present husband is doing the daddying...remember flies are fathers and never daddys...
the financial facts are your business and should not be important to her...she is not calling daddy based on finances...so don' t bring finances into the human loving aspect of your daughers relationship with the person she sees as her DADDY! Other things that are true about her father are irrelevant where she is concerned.
2007-04-26 11:49:59 · answer #6 · answered by teri 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
As long as the biological father is there and sees her regularly, he is the real father. You are confusing the child with 2 fathers. Maybe you wish your new husband to play that role but morally, the biological father is the real father until he offically forfeits that right. Or the court officially takes his right away, which I doubt unless he is in prison or dead.
Everything you have said is about financial. You didn't say if the real fther loves his child. You didn't say the new guy loves your child. You are basing everything on money to show he doesn't deserve to be a father.
2007-04-26 11:50:57 · answer #7 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
That's a tough call. Unless her biological father is dead, no your present husband shouldn't be called daddy or anything similar. If her real father sees her at all, she needs to know HE is her daddy, and she only has one. Teach her your husband now is her step daddy and she has two men who love her. Don't ever talk bad about a parent to a child, they never forget it. My mom did that to me. Good or Bad, he is her dad and she should know it is ok to love him. You present husband might do everything for her but he didn't father her. Tell him to be supportive and patient where the real dad is concerned. Do what is best for the child, always!
2007-04-26 11:48:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
let the man thats she been call daddy be the daddy. It's your husband, he loves her like his own. Im in a similiar situation...but I'm not married, and the last time the bio has seen my son is when he was 2mons old. YOU HAVE TO EARN YOUR RIGHT TO BE MY SON'S FATHER. Sorry about all the caps but, it pisses me off. Ive talked to him (the bio, like biofreakingdegradable) and he's promised to send money..Whatever! And Ive even let my son talk to him......but I NEVER said to my son "hey, your dad is on the phone" F-that. Let the man that has been taking care of her have the glory. I have so much more to type but this is YA and I dont want to keep ya! Just remember, he has to earn is right, just like your husband did when you and him first met. But be honest with her though. I tell my son (if he asks) I dont know where he is, I dont talk to him either.
Good luck
2007-04-26 11:55:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Even though your husband isn't her biological father, he is in her life, and handling the responsibilities of a daddy. I'd think it's perfectly fine for her to call your husband "daddy" if she wants.
2007-04-29 20:09:09 · answer #10 · answered by Tweety 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋