I am due to wed my fiance soon, and I don't know if I can go through with it...like ever. We started out so perfect together. (Like we all do) We are soo much alike and share common interests. It's like fire when we are on top. Problem..we do nothing now but fight. He is controlling all the way and cuts me off whenever I speak or show any feeling about anything. He is so very hurtful and he admits he is an #$#%#%@, but tells me to take it or leave it. He says he was raised this way and can't stop, and doesn't know how. I had a problem upbringing but wanted better for myself and became who "I" wanted to be. He says he can't. I think it is a load of crap. Can anyone give me any ideas? I love him but not sure if my love is enough anymore. We have almost no connection anymore....I am lost!
2007-04-26 11:42:51 · 15 answers · asked by lsbisson 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Honey, he is stating plain and simple that he cannot change. You are hearing it from the horses mouth. He knows he has a problem and he does not care to do anything about it, even though it hurts you. If he at least desired to change, you might have a chance, but he doesn't care. As painful as it would be to end this relationship now before you marry, imagine how much worse it will be if you do wed and it is much harder to get out. PLEASE end it for your sake. You can and will find someone who will connect with you in all ways and treat you right. You deserve better. Don't hang onto a sinking ship...it will only take you down with it.
2007-04-26 11:50:23 · answer #1 · answered by kalea_kane 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What you are seeing is just the beginning of what the rest of your life is going to be. You are so very fortunate that it is coming out before the marriage. Many women and men don't get so see the true side of the other person until it's too late and too many feelings are involved. From the looks of his behavior you may be headed to a relationship of upcoming physical abuse. If you have no connection you definitely would not want ot spend the rest of you life with that . The best way to find yourself is to run as fast as you can in the other direction until you find someone who really cares for you, someone who would never intentionally or otherwise hurt you. There are many others who also have the same interest as you . The difference is there is one of them who will have no problem treating you right.
2007-04-26 18:59:31 · answer #2 · answered by Kandie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sweetheart, i believe you just answered you own question. you've admited you do nothing but fight, he's demanding,selfish and unwilling to change. don't marry him b/c you feel you must or b/c invites have already been sent or b/c you feel you'll let someone down. this has to be the right thing for YOU. if you're the least bit hesitant, back away. far away. if anyone like that told me to take it or leave it, you'd better believe, i'd leave it. in a new york minute.
2007-04-26 18:53:01 · answer #3 · answered by racer 51 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would hold off on the wedding thing. Obviously it doesn't appear that it will get any better and he sounds like you said a rea @shole and won't try to change. It takes the rain and the sun to make a rainbow right? I'd run for the hills. Good Luck.
2007-04-26 19:06:45 · answer #4 · answered by seahorse 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am older wiser and have a little experience in relationships and psychology. No one can tell you what to do. It is your decision. What people can help you with is things like, will he get better when you are married? believe the answer is no. His attitude about flexibility and admiting he has a problem (or getting help) will not change. He would become a "project" not a "partner". Ask your trusted friends and understand their reasons for their answers... then make your own decision. In any case, do not rush or be bullied.
Mike
2007-04-26 18:52:39 · answer #5 · answered by rcktsigh 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Are you sure it's not just wedding jitters because of the impending wedding. Don't you find it strange that all of this behavior is just now showing up? If he never has shown this type of behavior before today then maybe you and him should rethink the marriage; you don't want to get into something that you may not be happy with. You should start your marriage on a positive note.
2007-04-26 18:52:01 · answer #6 · answered by indpntwmn 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
trust your gut feeling. i think that getting married is not an option right now. you should seperate and give each other some space. he's not letting you talk right now anyway. so for now i think actions will speak louder than words... let him know your not gonna put up with his crap! YOU should get the kind of marriage and life that YOU think you deserve. you only get one life honey. it should be as happy and as stress free as possible. good luck!
2007-04-26 18:57:22 · answer #7 · answered by gilma m 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This situation is not going to get any better with marriage. If anything it will only complicate it. Look I know you love him, but you need to love yourself to and get out of this relationship. The best of luck to you.
2007-04-27 11:31:09 · answer #8 · answered by mel 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He made it very clear to you to "take it or leave it" the Decision is yours how do you want to live the rest of your life?
2007-04-26 18:50:37 · answer #9 · answered by Ms Pollyanna 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
YOU DESERVE SOME ONE TO RESPECT YOU IF HE TRUELY LOVE YA HE WOULD AND YOUR RIGHT ITS CRAP I WAS RAISED BY A MOM WHO YELLED OUT ORDERS AND TOLD EVER ONE WHT TO DO ENCLUDING DAD BUT IM NOT LIE THAT I RESPECT MY HUSBAND AND HE RESPECTS ME DONT SETTLE IF HE REFUSSES TO GO GET HELP DONT MARRY HIM CAUSE WITH AGE IT GETS WORSE THEY BECOME OLDXXXXXXXXXX TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF YOU ARE WORHT IT AND IF HE DOESNT THINK SO THEN GO MAN SHOPPING THERE ARE SOME NICE ONES LEFT !! I GOT ONE !1
2007-04-26 19:05:58 · answer #10 · answered by Msdeb gee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋