What do you think of Marrying someone who's been married before?

Question

I'm 21 and my wonderful 28 year old bf has been married before. My mom is totally against me marrying him. She said I "deserve" someone who hasn't been married...she feels like he's had his chance and is cheating me out of mine. In her eyes, he's just not "good enough". Any truth to that?

Answer 1

Maybe he'll appreciate you more. Your Mom's opinion only counts for so much, then it's up to you... Do what you think is right, but be sure is all I can say.

Answer 2

I am married to a wonderful man who was married before and has kids. But that is only a part of who he is. There have got to be some qualities in him that obvisouly mean a lot more than being married once before. I don't think it should be considered a bad thing. I would take into account maybe why he was divorced. I.E. if he cheated then you may consider taking a closer look. But if he was cheated on then he had a right to end the marriage. He is still human and has many great qualities to think about. And of course there are ALWAYS worse people you could go for. Don't let a good one get away. Make a list of all of his wonderful qualities, then make a list of worse people you could marry. Show them to your mother and ask her to give it a second thought. Our parents always want the best for us and sometimes it's hard for them to let us go. But if you can see the good in him maybe it will just take you showing her what you see =0)

Answer 3

While I agree, if he's been divorced, it's a good idea to investigate why, which means not necessarily just taking his word for it. If he's divorced because he got cheated on or something, does that mean he can't be a good husband to you? If, however, he's divorced because he made a mistake and ran around, then you'd need to figure out if you want to take the chance that he learned his lesson, and wouldn't do it to you, or if he wasn't worth the risk. Your mom is just being a mom. She doesn't want to see you hurt, and probably wonders what the truth is as to why his first marriage didn't work. Also, if he has kids from that marriage, she knows that's a big change for you as well.

Answer 4

We live in a world where half of the marriages end in divorce.
The changes of you finding someone who has never been married, might be slim.

He might be better than someone who has never been married because he hopefully learned from the experience.
Talk to him about it some day, ask him what will he bring in to your marriage that will help you have a good marriage.

Your mother might spend the rest of her life giving you negative opinions. You are 21 and old enough to make adult decisions. You might have to sit her down and say. "Mom I have heard your opinion, I will think on it, then I will make my decision. And I can't spend the rest of my life having you tell me that I have made a mistake. If I make a mistake it will be a learning experience for me and I truely love this guy,. I want you in my life. Let's get along"
Try not to say this in a way that makes her feel threatened that it is him or her. You need to make her an ali and not an enemy. Never argue with her about this. If she starts to argue, step away and say mom, I love you, but I can't argue about this" Then smile and walk away. She will learn that she gets your attenntion only if she talks like adult.

Answer 5

what are the reasons that he isn't still married? If there was abuse of any kind, don't marry.
Can he provide financially? Is he paying support? The ex will be in your life for 18 years or more/less. Just look into all things before you say "I do." And if it's proven that he is the man of your dreams, then go for it. Let your mother know where you stand but, make sure you invite her to the wedding.

Answer 6

I would slow down and open my eyes if I were you...I think I would want to know why he is divorced, when, where, and who. Men can be very decieving about themselves..this one has red warning flags stuck all over him, so check things out. I am sure he is fine, marriages end for many reasons...but they also end because of abuse, and that doesn't appear in divorce papers...you do not need to marry an abuser if he is one...yes, keep your eyes wide open. IF he comes across as wanting to control anything you do, warning flags should be flying! Your mother is not involved in any of this, but she may see things you have blind eyes to...why don't you sit down and talk to her...his being divorced is not a good enough reason...but there may be others she hasn't talked about. good luck

Answer 7

Have a look at his divorce sheet and see why his last marriage failed. Could be his ex cheated. Could be he did. If he did, then get out whilst you can and listen to mum, if the split wasn't his fault, he deserves a second chance doesn't he? Marriages are just formal relationships.

Answer 8

Not if his x lives nearby and he still socializes with her in anyway--[i.e. if his parents or siblings still like her and invite her over] OR if he has kids--I wouldn't marry anyone who has kids from another relationship, ABSOLUTELY NEVER.
but if she is truely a thing of the past, then go for it--
but be sure he has no pals or anyone from his first marraige whom he sees from time to time-your mom doesn't want you to be compared, feel insecure or suffer from any unwanted baggage. [which he might use during arguements to make you feel bad, to control you] You do not have your mother's wisdom, even the way you cook will be compared to his X's way. Nothing will be new for him. YOU ARE 21 !! THE WORLD IS SITTING AT YOUR FEET- Some men want young, always young, that may be his big attraction to you, I hope not.

Answer 9

Not really true. In some cases he might be a better husband to you since he was married before. I tell my husband (we were both married before) that his first wife trained him and I just have some fine tuning to do. They learn a lot living with a woman and you might be glad he had one before. I don't personally think it matters unless it is a religious thing. Like Catholics don't recognize divorce, is he Catholic? I think it is up to you and him, not your mom, you are an adult. She can voice her opinion, but that's all it is, HER OPINION! Be happy, maybe he just made a mistake the 1st time around and you are the one he is meant to be with. Everyone deserves a second chance.

Answer 10

lol..Truth? Not at all. At least with him being married before he would of learned from his previous mistakes and know what not to do the next time around etc...No matter what, you should be with this guy for a few years before you marry.

Answer 11

No, not really. We all make mistakes. It doesn't mean we are ruined for life. I would go to pre-marital counseling to save yourselves the grief of a divorce. If your fiance` understands his role in his previous divorce and has taken steps to learn a new behavior, then good for him. If not, and he blames it all on the ex, then your mom is right. He will need to get real and work on his issues prior to your marriage. I wish you the best. See if your mom has more specific reasons she doubts a marriage would work with this man. If not, you're an adult and should do what you think is the best for you. Good luck.