am i stupid to be panicking about finding pictures of his wife and 'marital' cats?they are not rude or anything, but just pictures of their little 'family' that he said he wanted to leave behind him.
one of my mates says its nothing, and that he is allowed memories of his past, but another said to throw a wobbly. i am quite stuck at the mo as to what to do. Do i wait til he comes home, and have a go, or do i let it go over my head and carry on as normal? i need some solid advice,...
2007-04-26 10:15:24 · 65 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i mean EX wife all the way through, he is not married now or anything.
2007-04-26 10:16:26 · update #1
he didnt have kids. just cats. he left her because she was making his life hell and making him depressed. so i am told.
2007-04-26 10:20:46 · update #2
they are on our laptop, ws lookin through our holiday snaps, thats how i found them! lol, oh and also, he still has his wedding band, i know he has a past and i wouldnt make him get rid of anything. he knows im not comfy with it, so maybe tht why i didnt know about them? we have been together just under 3 years, just feels odd that she is popping up on comp now......
2007-04-26 10:32:01 · update #3
Ask him about them.........gently.
You'll know from his reaction if its just sentimental reasons or something deeper.
No need to feel threatened by memories of an ex. I have lots upstairs of my ex husband and boyfriends. Dont you have any of yours?
2007-04-26 10:21:03 · answer #1 · answered by hollyb20 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
1
2016-05-07 18:47:17 · answer #2 · answered by Katharine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are valid in your request to put them in the attic. So I think you should mention this to him. You have only been together for 2 months, you will have to come across touchy subjects at some point, why not let this be the first? He will probably understand how you feel and respect your wishes. I think he has the pics just because it was a part of his life, and idk why, but sometimes people just feel funny to throw them away.( I still have an ex-boyfriend box with prom photos etc and I was 17! I just can't part with it bc it was part of my life, so I keep in on hte top shelf of my closet and my husband is ok with that.) If he was looking at the pics every night, or had them in his night stand drawer, that would be another story. But I think he probably didn't intend any hurt, I bet he didn't even know they were there if you haven't found them until you were cleaning. If he still wanted to be with her, he would be trying to win her back over that woman. Not having a relationship with you. So I wouldn't stress about that, but I would ask him to toss the pics or put them away in the attic.
2016-05-19 04:50:38 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only reason why he has the pictures is to revisit his past. I have the same problem. He is not ready to move on. I am thinking of divorce at this point. My husband has 2 kids over 21 and still meets with his kids and ex, over 8 times and I had been married under 4 years. So what do you think? facts are facts and you can not dispute it. The heart goes where it wants to be.....
2007-04-28 19:12:42 · answer #4 · answered by Donna B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that would depend on how the pictures were when you found them, If they were on the wall or table then I would be extremely upset, if they were in a box than there is nothing wrong with that and you really have no right to throw them away or anything. I have pictures of my x in boxes with all the other pictures of my childhood etc. I never look through them for the purpose of seeing his picture. But he was a part of my past as bad as it was and it reallly is harmless, don't worry so much. Talk to him and see his reaction. He might no even realize he has them.
2007-04-26 10:30:40 · answer #5 · answered by carrie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't blow the situation up, he will think that you are psycho. She is his EX, right. EX for a reason, right.
Don't be so intimidated by pictures, these will not be the last that you find.
You could be the bigger woman and say, I came across a picture of you and your ex wife, and you all made a cute couple.
(this is only if you were not digging through his stuff)
He is with you now, don't sweat the Past!!
I am sure that you have a past as well.
2007-04-26 10:22:04 · answer #6 · answered by Ms Brown Eyez 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If they are just pictures that he has had for years and not just something his ex wife just sent him then let it go. If he has an ex wife then he has a past and just because he isn't with them anymore doesn't mean he doesn't have some fond memories and that person was a big part of his life at one time just as you are now. If it really bothers you then calmly talk to him about it but don't do it in an accusing way. Just say you came across these pictures and wasn't sure what to do with them and if you wanted to keep them or not. Its perfectly ok if he does as long as they aren't on your nightstand beside the bed or your dresser.
2007-04-26 10:20:44 · answer #7 · answered by lookingwesttexas 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He's not with her, he is with you.
Ask yourself these questions and you will realise how unimportant they really are
If you ever split up would you want to destroy all the photographs you have of you together?
What do the photographs of old boyfriends mean to you?
Chances are - you answered no, and nothing.
If you through a wobbly it will appear as though you feel jealous and insecure - both of which aren't very attractive. Instead I would either put them back where you found them or have a conversation with him along the lines of "do you miss your old life" - this will give him the opportunity of telling you how much his life has improved since then.
It's not a big deal - honestly
2007-04-26 10:27:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you feel but you need to think of his feelings, and his rights, in this. It's a big ask to make him get rid of that stuff. It's his life, his past, his history; it means something.
Talk calmly about it. Tell him how you feel honestly. Throw no wobblies. Accept what comes out, at least within the limits of what was talked about. If there's more, it will come out in its own way, and you can deal with that differently.
2007-04-26 10:23:45 · answer #9 · answered by wild_eep 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You failed to mention who divorced who ?, If he was divorced by his wife then he may be harboring feelings for her and of how it used to be ,hanging on to something that he wishes never ended , if that is the case he is using you as the rebound girl. Fortunately there are no ( human) children involved . If it worries you then I would approach him and reveal your feelings immediately , then from his answer to your concerns you will realize if it is nothing or perhaps something you need to think about . Maybe he is not over her after all , then you will know everything up to that point in your relationship was a farce , time to move on Sunshine, just another one of life's hurtles :))
2007-04-26 10:35:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let it go. He is indeed allowed pics of his past. He may not want that life now but it is still part of where he came from. At least some of those memories are going to be happy ones. Maybe you can ask him to look at the pics with you and you can learn a bit more about him.
2007-04-26 10:20:22 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋