Having a crush when you're married?

Question

I've been married for a number of years. I love my wife, we have a happy and successful marriage, and I would not cheat on her.

However, lately I've had a terrible crush on someone I see during my weekly routine. She pretty flirtatious... whether that has to do with genuine interest, or whether it's just because I'm already taken and therefore it's "safe" to flirt with me. I invite her to lunch occasionally, and I flirt back with her as well... it's fun and feels good. Nothing beyond that though, nothing physical.

I'm in my 30's now, working on getting pregnant with our first child... so I'm completely aware that there's a simple "mid-life crisis" side to this. Please don't beat me up with a lot of harsh judgment... I'm not a bad husband or bad person, and I don't want a full-blown affair with anybody. I'm just wondering if these kinds of feelings are normal... at what point they do become a problem... and what's the best way to deal with them when they reach that point?

Answer 1

Go ahead and bone her.

Answer 2

The flirting and liking the feeling of being flirted with are both totally normal and pretty harmless. They became a problem though the first time you invited her to lunch - why you would put yourself in the position to allow "something" to happen is beyond me. I know you say you wouldn't cheat on your wife, and that is very respectable, but sometimes our feeling and emotions get the best of us and we do things we never would have thought possible.

You have to ask yourself how you would feel if the roles were reversed. If some man was constantly flirting with your wife and she invited him out to lunch every once in a while. If you can honestly say you have no problems with it, you're a bigger person than most of us, my friend.

If you can tell your wife about your flirting and lunch dates with this other woman, there is nothing wrong with it, but if you are hiding it, you know you shouldn't be doing it. End things now before they progress into something more.

Answer 3

I think we all like to be flirted with. It makes us feel attractive and alive to the opposite sex.
I do think that you may have crossed the line into when you started doing lunch together.
Starting a family is a really stressful time. Do you really need the added stress of an emotional affair? Because that's what your wife will think it is, even if your intentions are pure.
Please be aware that there are certain women who are only attracted to happily married men. It's almost like they prey on them. They consider it a challenge to break up a marriage or just to sleep with a married man so watch out!
I'd cut off relations with this lady. Don't bring it up to your wife but don't see her or flirt any more okay?

Answer 4

These feelings are completely normal...just because you fall inlove and get married does not mean that those biochemical reactions involved with attraction suddenly turn off. Attraction happens and there is no way to predict it or prevent the feelings from happening.

It would become a problem if you let these feelings interfere with your committment to your marriage. I mean, take a look at what is going on with you and then ask how you would feel if your wife were the one having these feelings about someone else. It is the "do unto others" principle, and it is a good one to live by for you to avoid trouble and hurt.

Answer 5

I'm sure these feelings are normal and I think they reach the point of being a problem when you act on them ( you know what I mean, actual physical cheating!!!)

You should be careful though, you're married AND having lunch with another woman. Aside from the fact that you're wife might have a problem with that (I know I would if my husband were having lunch with other women), you're putting temptation right in front of yourself!!! If you know you have a crush on this woman you really shouldn't be having anymore contact with her than you really have to, so I suggest, no more asking her to lunch or anything else.

Answer 6

this is bad.specially if ur wife loves you,and as i c, u love her too.it;s us who let the mid life crisis take a part in our life.cheating on ur wife is not just physical.it can be by words,or just thoughts.and if u do that while u love her,what will u do when life gets hard and u have to complete together for the sake of ur baby a few years later?put urself in her shoes.u wouldn't have liked her doing so at ur back.and,if u start by inviting her to lunch or by exchanging some words,who knows how far it might get?if u can't stop urself now,how will u do it when u want her?and i think if u have a crush now without any reason(that even if u have it won't be an excuse bcoz she might have her reasons too one day,and "that" u won't accept easily),if u do that,then u will never be satisfied by having just ur wife.u will always want another woman beside u,even if just by "words " as u say u do,which i'm sure will never be,but will go beyond that.plz,respect ur wife,and respect her faith in u.coz she trusts and respects u.good luck

Answer 7

Its not a mid-life crisis or something like that u re just 30!! so what?
I guess you miss the old flirtaous times before your wife.But...its not right never been right..maybe if she was a girl that u saw in bar or pub for one night..then u flirt with her and things are all over..thats something different for someone who is a bit player like u but u keep seeing her and its dangerous. I advice you to stop having a kid for now. Because if this gets worse (you never know) you may feel regret about it.
But the only way to be honest with yourself..and think about what you re doing actually. You know this is not right but you still doing it...Its not nice that you suits yourself such a weak personality....Be brave ....and take her out from your life. Its not hard..just a word..and dont think about her anymore. Its just simple.

Answer 8

Understand where you are coming from, I've gone through the same thing myself. Here's what I did:

Flirting is OK, so long as it is harmless in nature. Don't go anywhere alone with this woman, or put yourself in a situation where you can be compromised. As for lunch, include her if all of you go out as a larger group, not one on one.

A little fun and a harmless crush isn't that big of a deal, but you want to prevent it from going any further. If you think it will, cut off contact, and stay with your marriage.

Answer 9

You sound totally in love with ur wife so this is what u do....STOP --- stop the flirting --- stop the lunches and stop the talking to the one that causing u to even think about putting this out there. Obviously if u werent thinking about cheating she even wouldnt be an issue so there is a minimal idea of wanting to cheat...so just dont do it just cut all ties from ur crush and take it for what it is a crush.

Answer 10

Ladies are EVIL, they flirt with married men to get you to wonder what it would be like to be with them. The grass is NEVER greener on the other side. Your feelings are normal but be careful how would your wife feel if she found out? You are trying to have a child with her. Maybe you should open a conversation with your wife to add some spice in your relationship. Good Luck,

Answer 11

hey...everyone has crushes during a marriage. it's natural. just don't act on them!! this may sound a little weird but what you might want to do is use them to your advantage and let all those lusty thoughts spill over into your marriage. trying to get pregnant? have at it fella. good luck and stop beating yourself up over this. your human after all.

one last thing though. just make sure you're not leading on this other girl with all that attention. and if you're not telling your wife about these lunches........then your feeling guilty about more than an innocent flirtation.