Should I feel guilty?

Question

I'm 17, and my husband is 18. We just had a little girl a month and a half ago. He doesn't really help, so I told him that I wanted to get on birth control so I dont become pregnant until we're ready next time. He disagreed, and said that I didnt need it. Well yesterday at my 6 week postpartum check up, my dr asked if I wanted birth control. I told her yes I did, and got a new thing called Implanon that is a little "stick" that gets put right under the skin in your arm and is effective for up to 3 years. I can get it taken out sooner if I want kids sooner, but i knew the pills, patch, or shot wouldnt work for me and this is so low maintenence... well anyways, when I got home, my husband wasnt mad, but wasnt happy with me either. should i feel guilty for getting it, or was it really my choice to let us grow up a little more before having any more kids?

we didnt get married b/c i got pregnant. we've only been married for 6 months, but we've been together for going on 4 years.

and how does going on birth control make me a tramp???

Answer 1

I feel that you are being smart & responsible!
There is NO way anyone should be made to feel guilty for being responsible!
Don't worry about it, and don't focus on it.

Let it all settle down and become the past, so it isn't something that stays a problem with you two.
He wasn't really mad means it will settle if you let it.

You did good, made me smile that you are that responsible! : )

Answer 2

You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty. Your body belongs to you and you alone. It is completely your decision if you want to wait to have more children or to be on birth control. 18 is such a young age to have even one! It seems to me, your husband doesn't realize how much you actually have to do to take care of your little one. If he wants you to have more kids, he should be taking on at least half the responsibilities so he understands what he is actually getting into. Maybe let him take care of the baby BY HIMSELF for one full day and night (stay at your parent's house or at a girlfriend's to get away for the night). I think by morning, he'd understand why you went on birth control and will support your decision 100%.
If he still doesn't see it your way, again, it is your body and your decision. Birth control is not permanent! When you're ready to take on another child, and he's willing to put forth some of the work to help you, you should talk about having another. In the mean time, enjoy new baby :) Take care and good luck!

Answer 3

You did the right thing. Just because you are married does not make your body belong to your husband. Since he does not help you with the baby that you already have I can see that he would not mind having another one whenever it happens. However you are the one that is doing everything and if you did get pregnant again it would be your body going through pregnancy and child birth. I think that it should be a decision between the two of you if and when to have more children but that you ultimately have control of your own body.

Answer 4

You were right to get the birth control until you are both more ready for another baby. This way you don't have to worry about having another little one that he doesn't help you with. I think the reason he's not mad or happy with you is you didn't tell him that you went ahead with the birth control after he told you no. My man would be upset with me if I went ahead and did something after he told me not too especially if it were something he wanted to be part of the decision making process. But you shouldn't feel guilty about it. He will get over it and everything will be alright. Try talking to him about it and see if that will help.

Hope this helps!

Answer 5

Let me applaud you for being intelligent enough to get some type of protection so that you wouldn't end up with a house full of children that you can't afford to take care of, I applaud you for being so responsible at such a young age. I am assuming that since you are so young and are married that you got married because of the baby. You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty you made the best decision. Good luck to you and your family

Answer 6

You should have worked it out with him first, but I think waiting to have your next child is better than having it right away.

Tell him you are sorry that you went ahead before you both agreed on it and that you will try to work together better with him from now on. Then next time an important decision needs to be made and you disagree don't go on your own, but continue to try to come to a consensus.

Ask him in a few months if he wants you to take out the implant.

Answer 7

That is a tough question. Normally I would say yes but the bottom line is you two are very young (I was only a year older when I got preggers and married) and this is a very huge step. It is smart not to want to bring another child into this world until you guys are better prepared. Hopefully your husband will see it this way soon. Good luck

Answer 8

From a guys perspective. You did what you felt you had to do. You knew there was a problem with him not really helping with you child already. By doing this, you did prevent any further complications in your life. Once you feel he is mature enough to be involved with his children and you are ready, then undo what was done. He will be hurt because of what you did and against his will but, if he really understands that you feel his lack of involvement with your other child causes you doubt, he may then understand. It is teamwork raising children. I work full time, 7 days a week, and my wife is a stay at home mom but, I still get involved with my child.

Answer 9

I think u made the responsible decision and i applaud u, too many people bring unwanted children into this world and the children end up suffering for it. Your husband will get over it and will thank u one day. You both r very young, if u want more children someday all it takes is a simple doctors appointment to make it possible again.

Answer 10

You did the right thing for you. Do not feel guilty for protecting your own future. There are no guarantees in life and there is no guarantee that any marriage is forever. Having multiple children before you can fully support yourselves would only increase the likelihood of your marriage straining under financial burdens too great for your young shoulders. I've been with my husband over 8 years, 90% of our arguments have started because of the almighty dollar or not having enough of them. ;)