Why do women put up with emotional abuse from their husbands?

Question

Do you think they even realize it is happening to them? Would you want a friend to point it out to you?

Answer 1

Fear - Women fear the physical harm that might come if they attempt to leave.

Love - Women may truly have deep feelings for the abusive partner.

Promises - Promises that this abuse will never happen again.

Abuse = Love - Confusion between being loved and being controlled by their partner.

Guilt - Being made to think that the abuse is their fault, that they have the problem.

Not Being Believed - A strong fear that nobody will believe them if they speak out against the abuse.

Thinking They Can Change Them - The belief that over time the woman can change the abusive partner.

Low Self-Esteem - After being in an abusive relationship there is a feeling that they can do no better than their current relationship.

Being Alone - To end the relationship could mean a loss of mutual friends, relatives and others associated with the relationship.

Financial - Money, children and no place to go also hold women in these relationships.

Answer 2

I think they put up with it for many different reasons, maybe they r co dependant and r scared they can't make it on their own or maybe they think they love the person that is abusing them. It could be any number of reasons and a good friend should always tell their friend when they think they r being treated badly but u can't push the issue too hard or u will just end up alienating your friend and they will ditch u instead of the abusive spouse. Ultimately it is their decision to make.

Answer 3

That is a really hard questions, many women have been in this situation and interestingly they range from well educated women to women who have been homemakers all their lives.

What I know is that it in many cases it does not start blatantly, it is not like they got married and in the honeymoon the man (or women) started with the abuse, flat out hitting her or been demeaning. It starts in a lot cases slowly, maybe getting overly angry with something she did and yelling about it. Making her (or him) feel inadequete either alone or in front of others. The sad part is the more you listen to that abusive partner the more you believe it. Think about it, if you fell in love with this person you value their opinion and somewhere you might actually believe are least part of what he is saying.
I know you might want to just shake your friend until she or he comes to their senses, but in most cases it won't help.

In some cases the person does not realize it is happening to them. The best example I have read is this: "If you put a frog on boiling water the frog will jump out of it immediatly, but if you put the frog in the pot and gradually put the heat up, the frog would be dead before it even realize it."

By all means if you were my friend and you see it happening to me I would like to you to pointed out. Domestic violence can be very isolating, and sometimes a wise friend and loving friend can help you. I just hope you would understand that I feel ashamed about it also. Still your action can be a light in a very dark life.

It is every women responsability to talk about domestic abuse, and men too. We have lost too many people due to this.

Hope it helps,
Guasabara

Answer 4

For years I felt depressed but didn't realize there was such an abuse as emotional....Was ignored except for sex and belittled alot and his way or no way or he would get right in my face and try to make me agree he was right or told I was nuts.....I didn't know it was considered abuse to be neglected and talked down to so stayed for almost 9 yrs thinking it was me........It wasn't until his anger got so bad that he was screaming at me and grabbing me in a personal way that I researched it and realized what was going on....Left with 2 kids so now he says I have serious mental problems that he is not THAT bad.....RIGHT!!!!! Also stayed for financial reasons, stay at home mom although I do have a degree in education I've never used it..He wanted a housewife and mother then didn't respect me because I didn't work......

Answer 5

not sure how they put up with abusive spouces. Lack of self esteem, scared of being a failure or think the are so worthless the feel its better to stay. Problem is if their are kids involved they are the ones that remember a lifetime of abuse and loveless marriage that may effect their children when they have them.

Answer 6

Same reason men do. They haven't learned to set boundaries, they haven't learned to politely point out when somebody is being disrespectful and not let it slide, and after a while their self-esteem takes a hit.

It's not a female-only phenomena, and the fact you asked the question that way reflects a very popular bias that is blatently false. Nagging, for example, is the most unreported dirty secret in America.

Answer 7

women do it because sometimes they don't notice or sometimes they prefer not to notice. if they are married or serious with someone, they prefer to act like nothings wrong like things are great. it hurts to much to face the fact the some1 they love doesn't treat them right. so they ignore it. but u r right sometimes love is blind and they cant see it till its to late. so Ive got 1 ? to ask you, if it was you getting the emotional abuse would you want your friend to tell you? if u answered yes tell her, if not then maybe you shouldn't. my best advice would be to tell her. you might help her in the long run... if she choices to believe you.

Answer 8

Mostly because as little girls we witnessed that or daddy wasn't there to teach us what a man was supposed to treat us like. If he was there he may have been abusive to mom or a sibling and she feels that this is the right way to be treated. Like myself she may never have known her dad on an emotional level and could be seeking attention just like a little kid even negative attention.

Answer 9

Good question, and after putting up with it myself for far too many years, I figured out why and ended it. I think it's the fear of the unknown, fear of starting over, fear of being on your own. Looking back on it, it's foolish to put up with it, and all those fears are pretty much ungrounded. I suppose, too, that there are some (both women and men) who are so accustomed to it, or feel it's what they deserve, that they tolerate it. Just my opinion, been there, done that.

Answer 10

You no when your being emotionally abused by your husband,
we don't need it pointed out to us, but sometimes it helps.
Maybe they see something you don't and it opens your eyes
or awakens you from the rut you been in.Sometimes the abuse is all you no,your husband has got you so paranoid to
where you think no one else would want you or put up with you.Men no what their doing when it comes to keeping the
little woman from venturing out.