how do I get over wanting a baby?

Question

I'm 37 yrs old and I already have an 11 yr. old son. I never ever pictured myself having only one child, and I have been wanting another one for years now. My husband has made it clear he doesn't want any more period. He refuses to even discuss it. It makes me sad when I see babies because I know I will never have another one. I find myself wandering into the baby section of the stores whenever I go shopping just looking at all the cute little things I will never be able to get. It's driving me crazy. I'm getting too old to wait much longer, if I'm going to have another one, it has to be soon or not at all. I just picture myself in a few years depressed over the loss of my "womanhood" because I'll be past childbearing years. Please don't say volunteer at a daycare or a hospital, because being around babies makes me sad. I have to get over wanting one of my own, but how do I do that?

I am laughing at asunta's answer. I have thought about that, but here's the thing (other than tricking him is wrong) we don't use any birth control at all, just the "pull out method" if you know what I mean. People keep telling me just wait to get pregnant that way because it's not reliable at all, but it seems to be because we've been doing it for a long time and it hasn't happened that way yet!

Answer 1

How come your husband gets his way? Marriage is about compromise. Have you thought about counseling? If he won't go, go alone.

Your feelings matter too!

Answer 2

This is a tough question and I really don't know how to answer. Maybe you should have talk about children a lot more with you husband so that you two could have discussed and planned out when you would be having children. The only thing that I can think of is that it will just take time for you to get over it. There really isn't anything that you can go out and do tomorrow that will cure your wanting a baby. I personally think that it is sad that your "husband" won't even talk about this situation with you. Hope you and your husband are able to come up with something. Whatever you do, don't trick him into getting you pregnant, that would just be flat out wrong.

Answer 3

Serena, I don't think it's something you can get over, it will always occupy some part of your heart and mind.
You must, however, not trick your husband or anything, because the two of you must agree on more children. Had he changed his mind from what he said before you were married? If so, investigate that.
My situation is similar, yet different. Husband and I always talked about having lots of kids; I'm from a family of 6, him from one of 11. I was 28 when we married, and had a son at 30. That was to be it, the one single child. Turned out it was a miracle we had one. I know, as you do, that you love your child to pieces, but there was a yearning to have more. My husband wouldn't even consider adopting, and we both knew we didn't want to go the technology route. So we have one child. So I totally understand, albeit our reasons in our situations are different.
Don't know what else to tell you but to love the child you have and love your husband for what he is, and to keep your family happy and healthy. It's important that you not get depressed over it, because you have a family to think about, the family you DO have, and you have to bring your best self to them.
I'll be thinking of you, Serena!

Answer 4

I don't think you will ever get over wanting to have a baby again. But look on the bright side, at least you got to experience it once and you got a bundle of joy from it. Some people want children, who are about your age and never get the opportunity because of health issues or some other reasons. Thank God for what you have and concentrate on what you do have instead of what you don't have and maybe you'll get a surprise and end up pregnant anyways. Good luck and be encouraged.

Answer 5

God says a child is a blessing, your husband is wrong to deny you. Do not use any birth control methods, HE is the one who is wrong. It's pitiful that a young married woman wonders around the baby section longing for a child in her arms. It is your body. God gave you a womb to carry babies.
I am a Christian wife but this is the only issue I would not relent about. your husband will never understand your motherly heart on this matter.

Answer 6

Trick your husband. Make it look like an accident. It's not like he'll leave you cuz you accidentaly got pregnant. Tell him your OBGYN switched your birth control cuz you've been on your current one too long. Poke holes in your back up plan, if you know what I mean ;) wink wink. When you switch your form of bc there's always a risk of getting pregnant for the first few months.

Answer 7

There really is no answer to that. Its just something you are going to have to work through. I have a similar issue, but I can't have children. My husband and i would love one, but due to health issues I cant. I think about it everyday...So. I guess, find someone you can talk to about it. When you are having those thoughts go find something to do to take your mind off of it. It seems to help me when I do that. Good Luck.

Answer 8

Personally, the only thing I could do would be to talk to my husband and urge how important this is to you. If there is no way he is going to participate in having another child, you either need to nix the idea of having another child or wait for your son to give you grandchildren. Good luck.

Answer 9

Put all your energy into your husband and son. You are spending too much time dwelling on something that can't be. This is something that you should have discussed before marriage but that is the past.

Answer 10

Short answer - you don't.

Look, you're fighting biology here. You might as well be asking "How to I stop missing my right arm" after it's been cut off.

Guys don't understand the biologic instinct here - we just don't. You have to discuss this with your husband, even at the point of (and I never advocate this one) withholding sex until he will.