I dont know what to do? I need alot of feedback please?

Question

I have a great girlfriend of 6 months...We had alot of problems in february.(she lied)..She has also dumped me 5 times in the coarse of the 6 months, which makes me wonder when the next time is going to be....but we get back together a couple of days later each time. Now, when i am with her we laugh and joke and have a great time...i feel happy...but when im not with her, i think bad thoughts of everything that has happend since february...the thing is, i dont think about one thing in perticular, its just like a hovering thought or lingering..at night i cant really sleep for the same reason...but when i get up in the morning i cant really remember what issue i was dwelling on all night. I think she might have made me very insecure in the relationship..and im not used to that...Any ideas on how to get over my insecurity...what can i do? what can she do? she wants to make me feel better...

Answer 1

I think that insecurity loses its power once it's revealed and brought into the open. As a man, I know the difficulty of making myself vulnerable to a woman. Someplace in our heart-of-hearts we know very cleary that being vulnerable involves a risk of being hurt. When a woman lies, it's diffcult for us to take such risk. But without us being vulnerable, relationships get 'stuck' and eventually end.

Now ... having said that ... there is nothing more sapping to the human spirit than unforgiveness. It will wear you down, as you described. The problem is: we want to forgive, but our hearts are telling us that we shouldn't risk being vulnerable. If we do, our hearts tell us that we will surely be hurt.

I can understand why you are insecure and why you aren't sleeping at night. I've been through this. I think most of us have. I'm afraid that there's only one solution for you; and that it involves two things: 1) a lot more talking about the February lie, and 2) disclosing your insecurity in a very safe and accepting way to her. If you can't get through this, you probably have to admit that this attraction isn't going to work and you need to move on.

Answer 2

Hi,
I don't think they are insecurities and in fact I think you have valid reasons to feel the way you do. 5 times in 6 months and a lot of problems. I don't balme you for feeling that way.
I would just give it time and see what happens. You cannot take this seriously until she does to and sticks to it.
If she dumps you again why not move on and find someone else. You sound like a nice person by your letter there + taking someone back and giving them that many chances. Some other woman will really appreciate you. Why wait for someone who may never be ready ?

I wish you the best!!!

Answer 3

If she has dumped you 5 times in less then 6 months, there is a good clue that the relationship is probably not a healthy one, and your sub-conscious is trying to tell you with your sleeping to get over it and move on with your life.....it is not insecurity, it is you telling yourself that you need a healthy relationship which this one doesn't sound like. You have even admitted you are suspicious of when the next break up will be. Sounds like both of you are not able to communicate well with each other, respecting others space and opinions, and are just together because of fear of moving on. Try to expand yourself, and grow yourself, and let your conscious be your guide.

Answer 4

U have every reason to be insecure in the relationship being dumped by the chick so many times. Trust is very important in a relationship, if u can't trust her can u truly be happy with her? All u can do is give it time and let her earn your trust, if she breaks it off again I'd say move on because she is just stringing u along and playing games.

Answer 5

To break up 5 times in 6 mos is NOT a relationship at all. In fact that's not even a friendship.
The next time you break up, PLEASE keep it that way. This person has problems of her own, and is using you to make herself feel better about herself. What's worse is you are allowing her to abuse you in this way.
I'm confident, once she's out of your life, your insecurities will be as well. ;)

Answer 6

Hi there, well without telling my age, I can assure you that your girlfriend doesnt feel the same towards you. She comes back when she needs you. She probably has some emotional baggage, as we all do. I would talk to her honestly how you feel. Gently tell her how you feel about her but she has caused insecure feelings in you...she has lied to you and you love her but if she doesnt change she needs toleave this relationship. Im telling you those are all red flags to get out but if you insist on trying you must communicate

Answer 7

That's a lot of indecisiveness over 6 months ... you're justifiably upset. I think all that can heal all of that insecurity is time. You need time to see that your girlfriend is NOT going to fluctuate between being together and breaking up.... I mean, actions DO speak louder than words. Give it time.

Answer 8

Quit breaking up with you every so often would be a start.

It sounds like she has some insecurity issues that are unresolved, causing her to break up with you. This in turn makes you insecure. I would talk to her about your insecurities and discuss her need to break up with you all the time. Communication will help in any situation.

Answer 9

HI. First off she is treating you like a fishing rod, throwing you out and reeling you back in. She is not showing you the respect that you most likely deserve. I really think that if you constantly break up, that you should move on and cut your losses. I know that sounds a little harsh, but you can laugh and feel happy with someone else and someone who will love you for you and that wont treat you like you are disposable. I really think that if she wanted you to feel better she wouldn't have done what she did or break up with you 5 times. It just isn't healthy. You may love her but she doesn't love you, she shows it.

Answer 10

One way to "get over" your insecurity is to get out of the dysfunctional relationship and look for someone who knows what they want, and will respect you and love you for who you are - instead of trying to blackmail and manipulate you all the time. Why do you stay with her? What does she offer that makes it worth putting up with the disrespect and the lies? Without knowing it, I'm not really sure how your problem can be solved.