Ladies, am I wrong for being upset?

Question

I work 50 hours a week. My wife dose not work out side the house. She takes care of our two childeren, a two year old and a six month old. So I know she works. She cooks wonderful meals and is the most wonderful mother our kids could ever want. The problem is the house is always a mess. Not a small mess but a big one. When I get home she wants me to do the cleaning. When I get upset it starts an arguement that lasts all night. I love her but I think she should clean a bit more. I will help but shouldn't she have things clean when I get home? I just want some some advice

Answer 1

50 hours a week? have you thought of hiring some help.. now you have to be open minded.. two babies is a lots of work... and I'm not saying she could not do it..We know she can, but have you thought of this? maybe your wife is not a good house keeper..You said it your self she is good at everything else.. Maybe she needs a little help to learn how to be organized? Think about it and compromise if you love her you will help her.. Good luck.

Answer 2

This is a hard question to answer. Since you work outside of the home you have no idea what your wife goes through while you're at work. Taking care of a six month old and a 2 year old (terrible twos) can actually be more work than just working a ten hour a day shift like you do. I think it's wonderful that she makes you dinner. I would ask her how she is feeling about the current situation. You have to remember just as you're tired from working all day so is she and chances are she's been working harder than you. Give her a break and work on cleaning the house on the weekends with her. I know it's not much fun and you really need time to relax, but it will mean a lot to her that you are trying and understand that what she does is work too.

Answer 3

Every mom is different and while some of us can handle 2 small babies and keep the house clean, some of us can't.Some, like me, have phases of both! I have a feeling this is more about her organizational skills than anything. The ages of your kids means shes with them constantly! I know I spend many nights, after the kids are in bed, doing laundry and cleaning. If you're trying to give babies lots of attention, its hard to get anything else done. Some ages need more constant attention than others.Two and six months is a challenge. It's always been nice for me when a baby hits 3. They start to become more independent and it really frees up some time. The most important question here would be is she plugged in as a mom? Is she getting a break at all? Is the 6 month old sleeping through the night? Is she tired? Was the house clean before the kids came along? There are so many variables its hard to tell what might be going on. I would find a way to get her a little help getting organized and then encourage her to try to keep up with it. You should also find ways to spend an entire day, alone, with your kids. Just to be in her shoes for a day. Nothing makes me feel more appreciated than when my husband does this. I've had weekends with girlfriends and left him at home, no help. I come home to someone who is frazzled, happy to see me, praising what I do and begging me to never, ever leave again! Do you ever give her time alone to just clean? My husband does this and I really appreciate it. He'll take the kids to the park for a couple hours so I can focus on the house. Imagine taking the kids to work with you, would you get anything done? Pitch in and help her a little, encourage her, give her some free time. Give her some money to hire a preteen "mothers helper" a couple days a week. The helper can play with the kids while she gets housework done. Hope this helps, good luck :)

Answer 4

marriage is a two way street. She's a stay at home mom dealing with everyday things mom's have to tend to. And you have more than one child. Should she try harder to have the house clean and more of a pleasurable place to be when you come home? YES, But...... cut her some slack if it's not messy everyday. We all need a break. Your job ends when you leave the office. She can't leave her job. Her job is everywhere she goes and can be stressful. If the house is "Always dirty" then yes she should try much harder to keep it clean, but don't forget marriage is a two way street. If you see her struggling with keeping it clean, then you start picking up and helping WITHOUT her having to ask you. By doing so it will help motivate her to do it more often to please you. Try it. It does work. Best wishes for you both. One more thing... IN this time and age, if all you have to worry about with your wife is an untidy home, then consider yourself blessed. At least she's faithful, a good wife and a wonderful mother. When you put it that way, doesn't seem much better?

Answer 5

This is a tough one. A 2 year old and a 6 month old are not easy to handle during the day. Even if they nap for a couple hours, that's probably the only chance your wife gets to relax a little, so expecting her to clean during her down time is asking a lot. I do think that a little clutter is understandable, but your house shouldn't be trashed. Who wants to come home to that?? What if you take a day during the weekend, send the kids to your parents' , and do some spring cleaning together. That way she has a head start on it. Then from that point, all she'll have to do is clean up the small messes during the day to maintain your newly cleaned house. Tough situation, but I'm sure you can find a compromise somehow.

Answer 6

I totally understand where you are coming from but a two year old and a sixth month old baby, they need so much attention. And your wife is only one person. Not to take her side but she can only manage so much. Like you said she takes care of your children and you still have a hot meal waiting for you when you get home from work. But I see where you are coming from. If I were you I would sit down with her and discuss what your issues are and see if it's something that can be resolved. I'm pretty sure it can be. She should have the children on feeding and sleeping schedule so that she can have some time to do stuff around the house. Good Luck!

Answer 7

i have 2 kids all under thee age of 6 and i go to school in the morning and when i get home I'm with them in the evening, i keep a perfect house, so it can be done. maybe you should sit down an talk to her about just picking up a little all Thur the day.have her teach the 2 year old to put some of his toys away. i have my son (he's five now but when he was 2) get a rag and he goes along with me and wipes stuff up, he thinks it fun but he really is helping but he thinks it's a game, have her, set up a plan like what rooms will she clean last and what rooms will she clean first, i clean the bath rooms first because there easier to keep clean, then i do my bed room (my son does not go in there) then i put the laundry in the wash, then i put dishes in dish washer, and dust, then i vacuum, and sweep, mop then i put dishes up an dput laundry away. so it makes it easier on me. but just so you know my husband works from 4:00am to 8:00pm 7 dats a week (he's in the army) and he still finds tim eto help when i need it. but them when that's one she can cook, maybe you should help her find a system that works for her, i put this on here so you could get an idea but not all women are good at house cleaning, but if you work out a system it can be cleaner, and if the house is that messy them i would tell her that you understan that she's home with the kids and it's not easy but it could be a little cleaner, let the kids only play with toy in a sertan room or have tham play out side on day's when it's nice then she does not have as much to pick up, and if your complaing about toys on the floor or something like that then i would say litten up, but if it's bad then it needs to be talked about.i hope i helped.

Answer 8

I know what you mean. I have a 2 yo. My husband (who is the father of our daughter) is only home on weekends. I work full-time. However, even on the weekends, when he and I are both home, it's very difficult to keep a house clean with a toddler. I get more frustrated with myself and he does with me. I pick up every night after she goes to bed. I do the dishes, laundry, wash windows, etc. at night (since I'm the only parent home 5 days/week, my daughter needs all the parent bonding time she can get, and I take that very seriously, that's why the housework is done after she's in bed). However, even though I pick up every night and there's no time to play in the morning, as I have an hour commute to work with her, it takes 10 minutes tops (about the time it takes me to heat up the supper I made the night before after she goes to bed or in the morning, we don't eat out or eat fast food, too expensive and unhealthy) for that living room to be trashed. She'll spill her juice, or start breaking her crayons and tearing off the paper and throwing it everywhere, or the toys are all over the place. Your wife would seriously have to lock the child up, or not let the child be a little child (you don't want your kid growing up in a museum, do you?), in order for the house to be clean for you. It's just impossible, especially if you want a hot supper when you get home. Is she to cook and clean at the same time? To clean, she would have to leave the kids to their own entertainment, which could lead to burns in the kitchen. If she's focused on your meal, the kids will be playing and the toddler will be demolishing her cleaning efforts from earlier in the day. Sorry, but you probably can't get it both ways. Send your wife on a day trip, stay home and have the house clean and supper ready for her when she gets back, and you'll understand.

Answer 9

I would be upset too! I am married with two kids, work 40hrs a week, have after school activities, do all of the cooking, cleaning, and then help my husband with the barn. Yes sometimes I get a little crabby because It seems like I do more than him, but I would never let my house become a mess!! Tell her to get off her butt and do some cleaning (in a nice way).

Answer 10

Ah!! one of those that can not be avoided. Right now your wife is taking care of two children with the age that is more fragile than teenagers. You said that your first born is 2 years old, you are having a terrible two and your baby is only 6 months old where more attention is needed.
I have 3 children and your wife is lucky that your first born is two before your baby arrive. When I had my first born,she was only 14 months old when I had my second daughter arrive and my husband wasn't with us because he was in the navy and out in the sea for 6 months. I didn't have no relatives where we were and it was really hard for me. I can't even find time to change my clothes when i wake up in the morning, my job was to take care of my babies and that what I did. My house wasn't that important as long as my kids was taken care of by me.
Please do understand the situation of your wife, she probably feels bad already not finding time to clean the house. House is not that important for both of you, as long as she can attend the kids, that' is the important one. I also want you to know that your wife probably hasn't shown the 'postpartum depression", this is not sickness but it does comes out to all women that give birth. It happened to me and your wife will have it too,if not now then it might happened later on in life. So just keep your eyes open for this one because she will have this postpartum,whether she wants it or not.....

Answer 11

No, you're totally in the right here. It's not that difficult to keep the house tidied up ... kids LOVE to help, so she could give the two-year-old an old cleaning rag and let him/her have at it, while she cleans for real. Or she could clean things up when the kids are sleeping or watching a movie. You are working supporting your family. In staying home, part of her responsibility is to keep the home clean.