Is it fair?

Question

Recently my husband cheated on me with his coworker. I want him to find another job so he and the tramp can't work together anymore. He is refusing to do so because it's like dropping his career. He works as a recreation supervisor for the city. Is it fair that he find another job for the sake of our marriage?

Answer 1

If he's the supervisor maybe he could fire the co-worker. If not, it is reasonable for him to leave his job for you. But, if he doesn't want to, you should just leave him.

Answer 2

That is unrealistic. If this is the main source of income for the house and his career, then there is no way that it is realistic for him to quit his job. Women and ultimatums, when will they stop. If you don't do what I want you to do then that means you don't care or that you don't love me. You must be very young. If you think that this girl is the problem and that by the two of them still working together that they will want to have sex again, then you are probably right. But even if he moves to another job, that doesn't solve the problem, he will do it again no matter how much he swears that he won't. If you want to know the real reason that men cheat, I will tell you. The thing that you need to realize is that you cannot say to find another job if you care about our marriage, that does not work, because he will not do it. You cannot make a man be a good husband or father. Young guys in marriage are very immature, and most marriages break up because of this. The girl is irrelevant, who she is does not matter, it is what she does. It could be any girl. The girl is not the problem and you need to go to the source of the problem if you want to keep your marriage. If you are not willing to change also, then you might as well end it now. The reason a man cheats:

A man will be a loyal and devoted husband and father if he is secure in who he is as a man and it is up to the woman to make sure that the man is secure in the relationship. Not that the fault is all you. A man likes to feel like he is respected as the man in the house. That his opinions, ideas, and actions are appreciated. Telling him thank you for doing stuff, or by saying that you hear what he is saying but you fell this way about it. Not everything is going to be your way. You have to pick your battles. Let him do some things his way without insulting him or making him feel bad or guilty. Young men like sex alot and want it frequently. After marriage they become sexually retarded. For men it is the physical act. All you have to do is touch their penis and they are ready to go. They forget that the woman needs other things. They will touch a woman's genital area and expect them to ready to go like they are. They forget that women want to be kissed and talked nice to, and that there is a process involved. The woman will get teed off and will just keep saying NO to their advances because there is nothing satisfying or fun about a guy just jumping on, relieving himself, and then falling asleep or taking off to work. The woman needs to teach the guy how to satisfy them so that you can have a good sex life and lessen the chances for a guy to be inticed by another woman. The guy also needs to hear how much you love him, how handsome he is, what a great lover that he is, etc. The guy will usually say that the woman never wants to have sex so he had no choice but to get it elsewhere. Communication is what is needed. Men do not realize that the reason they do not get sex at home is because of their own actions. They forget how to kiss and touch appropriately and in turn the woman fakes her orgasms and eventually gets bored with just going through the motions and does not want it anymore. They both talk about their own needs and forget about the needs of the other. Communicate. The girl is not the problem. Like I said if you both do not change, then you might as well just end it now. Good luck.

Answer 3

I wouldn't have forgiven him to begin with. But I know everyone is different.

I would feel the same way if I were to be in your situation. He should seek employment elsewhere and stay away from the other woman. Career or not, he can find a job elsewhere with his credentials I would think? But he also could find another woman. I look at it as once a cheater, always a cheater.

Obviously by you not wanting him to still work there, he has broken your trust in him. If you chose to stay with him and try working it out then you both need to loosen up and try to trust again. Otherwise, get out of it.

Answer 4

I hate to tell you this, but there are two kinds of people in this world. Those who would cheat on their spouse and those who wouldn't. This "tramp" made no promises or commitments to you, your husband did. Therefore, he's the one that you can't trust. So either decide to go out and find one of the millions of guys out there that are as faithful as an old dog, or prepare yourself for a life of being cheated on and always wondering. It's up to you. Which do you deserve?

Answer 5

No is not wrong of you to ask him this.. is the normal reaction to anything like this.. But think of this is he going to work in a job with only men? where ever he goes there is going to be women.. So I think you are going to this the wrong way, if there is no more trust then BYE BYE BIRDY.. If he is still seeing this girl wheter they work together or not, is still going to be happening..If it's not over working appart is not going to brake them off... I know how you feel all women who's being lied to and hurt can feel you right now.. I think you should get some counseling and start to think as an individual in case you decided to end the relationship, you can learn how to look out for your self. Good luck.

Answer 6

I think the "sake of your marriage" went out the window when he cheated on you. It's not fair for you to stay in that relationship. Like someone else said, if he's cheated at this job, a different job isn't going to keep him from cheating again. I've already let my husband know that if he ever cheated on me, he wouldn't deserve to see me or our daughter ever again. How are you ever going to trust him again? I know I wouldn't. Don't stay with this creep. Get someone that loves you and respects you enough to treat you like a queen and not even think about anyone else. I'm sorry that your husband is such a scum bag. Good luck finding someone new.

Answer 7

Honestly yes. If he truly loves you, he would do anything to make up for what he did. This includes getting a new job. He should understand that he made the mistake and he needs to do whatever it takes to gain your confidence back. I think that if he stays at that job where he had an affair, that things will only get worse for you guys. There will always be mistrust in that particular situation. You both need a clear start. Don't let him make you think that he's making too big of a sacrifice. You're the victim, NOT him. Good luck.

Answer 8

First off i couldn't forgive my husband for cheating on me and if u r kind enough to be able to then he better never be within 100 yards of the hoe again or it would be over. So i say yes it's very fair that he finds a new job.

Answer 9

I'm sorry this must hurt you so much. Now is the trust issue, can he move on to another job and keep the same pay. You have every right to be hurt and want him to quit. He has a lot to make up for now. Its up to you. Is working with this lady going to make it harder for you to forgive him? If so then he MUST quit his job. Maybe the city has a place he can transfer to. You have a lot to consider, is it worth the marriage? Will you trust him if he stays working there? How much does he love you to continue working and being around the same woman that he slept with. What do you want to do is the question and how sorry is he really.

Answer 10

his job isnt the resion he cheated, he cheated becuz there was a tramp that was willing o lower her self respect to pleasure him. and you dont lower you delf respect, any where he goes he will cheat on you. some people say once a cheater always a cheater, thats not always true but sometimes it is, you hav to decide becuz u knw ur husband. once youve decided that thn it will be easyer to decide if u should leave him or if he should leave his job, if hes always goin to be a cheater then dont worry about his job leave him. if u believe he can change then u hav all rights to tell him to leave his job if he hadnt of cheated on u then he wouldnt be in this situation. theres a consiquence for every action and his will b he has to find other job.

Answer 11

No I think its not fair because that means that you forgive him but didn't forget what he did with his co worker so its more like a matter of "trust" If you are making him change jobs that means you don't trust him "...hell you have every right too..."
but again it starts with you and ends with your decision....and keep close eye on him and his cell phone when he says he is doing something with friends just go up to that place and see if his car is there or not.......or call him on his lunch that's the only time he can do something with that "slut" so CONCLUSION ...Its not fair but again" nothing is fair in love and war"....Thanks i hope this helps