My friend complains to me all the time about how he is unhappy in his marriage. He has 3 kids who are all under 3 years of age. Everyone tells him "it's cheaper to keep her". You need to stay and just tolerate her. They argue everyday. They've been married for 4 years now. She has no job so he's afraid he'll have to pay alimony. He tried to discuss his feelings with her but that only leads to another argument. My question to you guys is, do you think he should stay in an unhappy marriage and be miserable or should he leave the marriage and try to be happy either alone or with someone else in the future. Couple of things to consider, there are young children involved and if he leaves, he'll be paying a lot of $$$ in CS for 3 kids and possibly alimony.
2007-04-26 07:01:24 · 12 answers · asked by #1 Monkey Minion 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Might be cheaper to stay, but what is all this arguing doing to the mental stability and psychological growth of those kids. They are going to have 3 children who will need a lot of therapy to get over what mom and dad put them through. If he is unhappy and that is causing the home to be unhealthy, he should leave and just pay what he can, I'm sure if she is able to have 3 children then she must be able to work. She should get a job to help support her family, i mean he didn't make those babies alone.
2007-04-26 07:08:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hear this quite a bit. A friend of mine is going through a divorce. He said he would actually be rich if he had a nickle for every time someone said it to him. (He has 4 kids ages 7 down to almost 1) He said that the judge was very nice, and understanding.
I personally would rather be not as wealthy...... and happy
The children are very small, and that is a lot of years to stay in a marriage for the kids.
The thing about she has no job... I do in home day care during the day, and my husband said he would much rather do his job than do what I do. Keeping up with 3 kids, and running a household is not an easy job. (depending on how you look at it) I love the kids, and they are not even mine. so, I do love my job.
I don't think alimony is allotted for long amounts of time even if she does get it??? Either way he is supporting the kids and even the wife right now. I would say if they don't want counseling to try and work it out... i would get out now and make it easier on the kids.
2007-04-26 07:33:07 · answer #2 · answered by Holly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of time that's the case ... he can probably figure on losing up to half of his salary in child support but for a four year marriage, in a lot of states, there isn't going to be alimony. Regardless, a court cannot order a person to pay what they don't have.
A couple points, however, how can it be said she "has no job"? Uh, she has three kids all under five ... that's a HUGE job! Second, he has to accept responsibility for how unhappy he is and how unhappy he has made the family and the situation. He loved her and cared about her at one point ... what changed? Half of the issues are probably him, not her.
Marriage counseling might be cheaper than divorce. He ought to try it. Or, he may just be whining about the marriage, guys do that a lot.
2007-04-26 07:04:05 · answer #3 · answered by John B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How do you think their relationship is affecting their children, it may be alright to stay and argue and fight if there werent any children involved. These kids are going to grow up thinking that this is what marriage is supposed to be. Does he want his son or daughter to be in this situation when they are older or does he want better for them, he is setting an example that it is okay to be treated or to treat someone like crap!! The kids come first, screw the money. Tell him to get custody then he wont have to pay child support!
2007-04-26 07:45:02 · answer #4 · answered by Purple_passion2805 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately things become cliche precisely because there is a grain of truth in them. If he's the sole breadwinner then yes, he'll probably have to pay alimony and child support plus only get to see his kids part of the time. My suggestion, get a lawyer and see what his options are.
2007-04-26 07:06:19 · answer #5 · answered by Kitten 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are truly a good friend to him, encourage him to stay and work on his marriage. Not just for his own benefit, but also so that his three innocent, precious children can have stability . Maybe he should be spending less time with you, complaining, and more time with his wife and children. In fact, that could be one of the things they argue about !
2007-04-26 07:13:29 · answer #6 · answered by LaMariposa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HEHEHEHEH
Yeah, she will most certainly take him to the cleaners! I think there is a lot of merit in that phrase, especially if the wife doesn't have a job.
They need to go and find a good therapist and get some counseling. Either that or your friend can live on your couch because he will be BROKE!
2007-04-26 07:06:54 · answer #7 · answered by monkey tuesday 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he can't stand it, they should call it quits. He's right to be cautious about alimony and child support, since he's been supporting the family. It may be cheaper to keep her, but does he want to be miserable for the rest of his life?
2007-04-26 07:38:07 · answer #8 · answered by smt 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if the wife doesnt have a job I dont think she could handle three kids all by herself. Maybe they just need time apart or something like that. Space is a good thing.
2007-04-26 07:09:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should seek marriage counseling and try to work on it, if that fails, he needs to find happiness elsewhere
2007-04-26 07:08:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋